Muses and Rants of a Literary A(u)nt

2012-01-29T15:52:00.000-05:00

First off, if you have the chance (or if you have Spotify), check out the band First Aid Kit. I am in love. Folky music, gorgeous harmonies.

I have been sick lately, since Thursday. I am actually fine today, but for the past few days, I have been achy and exhausted. Since I was dogsitting, I spent a lot of time cuddled up with Otis. And since it was a sort of wet, slushy weekend, Otis didn't mind that our walks were cut a bit short by my creakiness and fatigue. In fact, sometimes I had to coax him to walk just a little bit more. I think his exercise was made up a bit yesterday and this morning - even though it was windy (very windy last night), it was not wet, so he was all business, walking and walking and walking.

Now Otis is at his house, and Floyd is doing his usual "Where's the dog? I want to hang out with him finally!" routine.

Otis and Zelda got along pretty well. She completely ignored Otis when he was here last summer, but the other day she was sitting in the kitchen, and he ran up to her, and they sniffed each other and were both pretty cool about it. Unlike Floyd. Although I did get some nice pictures of Floyd and Otis both laying on me, less than half a foot from each other.

I drank quite a lot of wine on Friday night, kind of facetiously reasoning that the wine would kill the sick germs. But hey, other than a bit of a wine headache yesterday (it had been a while since I had wine), I did feel much improved. AND I got through season 1 of the newer Doctor Who! ...And I am addicted now.

Oh, one other thing. The whiny dude roommate moved out, and I cannot BELIEVE how he left his room. I don't know how or when it got drummed into me that when you move out of a place, you clean the place as well as possible, but I thought that everyone knew that rule. Perhaps I'm naive.

Well.

Whiny dude roommate left garbage on the desk and floor, clothes he didn't want in the closet, balled up on the floor. Pine needles everywhere on the carpet. And he was using Shon's bedding, which of course he left in a dirty ball on the bed. I wonder if he washed the bedding the whole time he was here? I guess I shouldn't be so shocked at the state of things, since he was a slob outside of his room, but it does shock me. I bet his new roommates are gonna LOOOOOOVE him.

Winter is playing with my emotions.

2012-01-25T14:47:00.000-05:00

Winter keeps teasing me. We have either November weather or April weather, and then maybe 2 or 3 days of January. There is the thinnest crust of dirty old snow on the ground now, on the edges of the streets and the sidewalks, but otherwise it's green and gray. No white to be found, unless you count the salt stains on some streets. Last night I went to dinner with Ami and Jon, and we were pelted with the tiniest little hail balls. I thought it was cute, but it was still a tease.

I just want a nice, calming, fluffy blanket of snow! Snow to dampen all of the noise, snow that sparkles at night. Snow keeps me calm. WHY DOESN'T THIS WINTER WANT ME TO BE CALM?!?

Well, I think that I'll be calmer pretty soon. Because both roommates are moving out. Lately they've been very quiet and neat, or just plain not around, and that is nice. But I am wishing for roommates who do their dishes and clean up their messes without being asked, or who... yeah, you probably already know this list of roommate wishes. I mustn't belabor the point.

Back to dinner last night - Ami and Jon and I checked out Cantina Loco, which was very impressive. I had the chips with queso and chorizo, and the fish taco: delicious. More than enough food, though of course I could not quit picking at the chips and queso and chorizo. And I washed it all down with two Dark 'n Stormies, which is a rum and ginger beer drink, with lime juice. Yummy and refreshing, and now my new favorite mixed drink. Although I guess it's not too hard to beat my old favorite mixed drink, the good 'ol rum and coke. Or "Cuba Libre," if you want to get all fancy with it.

I will be watching Ami and Jon's dog Otis this weekend, and I can't wait!

dioramas are awesome

2012-01-19T09:45:00.000-05:00

Surprise, surprise - more car trouble. It was only the starter, which hasn't been replaced in years, and is a manageable expense. All of this happened at a local Delta Sonic, and the workers were SO NICE, and tried to help as much as they could. I kept apologizing for blocking a pump on such a busy afternoon, but they kept saying, "NO, don't even worry about it!" They even gave me a ride home when it was obvious that my car would have to be towed. SO NICE! I have to write them a thank-you letter.

Of course, I wish the starter had waited a few months, and then died quietly after I got a new(er) car. Well, if wishes were horses... wait, where the fuck would I keep a horse?

I was sort of glum, off and on, all weekend about it. Not depressed, just sort of down. Sick of the whole mess. But in between, I read, and watched "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil" and episodes of "30 Rock." And, now that the car has been to my beloved garage and is back home, I am pretty blasé about it, actually. And even more determined to save up and get something new to me, this spring or summer.

*~*~*~*

I haven't taken my tiny Christmas tree down yet. It finally snowed a substantial amount on Friday, so I decided to keep the tree up and actually enjoy it with the snow outside. I guess I can take the tree down now - it's raining out, and the snow is disappearing. Maybe next year I'll have a White Christmas.

*~*~*~*

I went to the Buffalo Museum of Science on Monday - it had been YEARS. I discovered that the dinosaurs have all but disappeared from the museum, that I really enjoy dioramas, and that the Egyptian rooms are still my favorite. I did like the Marchand section, too, and the gems. In the Marchand room, I kept thinking about this story.

*~*~*~*

Tonight I am going to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch, after a dinner at a local German-Irish restaurant and pub. I am excited!! And then this weekend is full of birthdays, birthdays, birthdays. My sister had her birthday last weekend, and Lyra turns 3 today, and Owen turns 6 on Saturday. It should definitely be a good family weekend.

Gender-Norming

2012-01-06T14:18:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine, Julia, started a new blog, We Are Skeptixx (I have one post there). This week, the blog had its most visitors ever, regarding this entry, about a video of a little girl ranting about the color pink in the toy aisle. As you can see, there is a LOT OF ARGUMENT, on the blog entry itself, at Pharyngula, and at Skepchick. If you have time for a crazy-making internet wormhole about gender-norming, then dive right in! It's actually really good reading, but it made me very angry.

If you can't guess, I am on the side of people who are yelling, "HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THAT MARKETING PLAYS A ROLE IN SOCIETY'S ATTITUDES ABOUT GENDER?!?"

I had just about completely stepped back from the issue (for now) when I read this entry, linked from Feministing. Julia linked to the entry on We Are Skeptixx today, and this is the comment I left:

"The father’s attitude might amaze some, but just from what I’ve read in comments on here, on SkepChick, and pretty much all over the web lately, this kind of thing happens a lot, from playgrounds on up. I myself have stood up for my nephews when their fathers (in their 30s and 40s) have expressed contempt or have mocked the boys for anything that the boys like that is “meant for girls.” No violence, not even the threat of it, thankfully.

I know that anecdotes aren’t evidence, exactly, but considering that I have 4 nephews, with 3 fathers among them, 2 of whom have had bad attitudes about their sons liking “girly” things – this leads me to believe that these attitudes might be pretty pervasive. Please note that I am coming from more of a feminism/social justice angle, less of a straight-up science angle.

I’m not saying, nor would I ever say, that marketing is the sole reason for these sorts of gender-norming attitudes, but they are part of it. These attitudes aren’t created in a vacuum.

I love that there are people (including the older brother, who had to go home with this guy) who are willing to stand up for those who don’t want to be put into strict gender categories. And I love people like the younger brother, who stands up for what he wants, even while crying. And my oldest nephew, who once said, 'Yeah, I want a tea set. So what?'"

...Had I wanted to, I could have added many more examples of my nephews being awesome in this regard. "Yes, I like jasmine green tea, because it's good!" "I wear pink all the time!" "I like to be Zoey on Left 4 Dead. She's strong." (They also like the others, which is good - when we play it together, I get to be Zoey!)

My nephews can say dismaying things sometimes about girls and things "meant" for girls, but for the most part, I think they're headed in a good direction. And as for my younger nieces and nephew, I like to try to be the aunt who gives them something that isn't super gender-identified. I mean, sometimes you gotta buy a Rapunzel Barbie, but otherwise, I try to think outside the box.

It's heartening that other people are thinking outside the box about gender too. Today Julia led me to this blog post, about a teacher who is trying to prevent gender bullying in the classroom. Magnificent.

post-holidays

2012-01-04T10:32:00.000-05:00

I walked to work this morning, and I passed several dead trees, left out for the garbage trucks. The tree from our living room was out there too, leaning against a living tree and looking tired. I do not like "real" Christmas trees. The tree that my roommate insisted on had no scent, but tons of pine needles to drop. As I expected/predicted, my roommate never bothered to clean these needles up until last night, when he took the tree down (he also left the lights and extension cords and ornaments and tree stand all over the living room, but that is another post for another day).

We had this thing dying in the corner of the living room for a month, and I was the only one who hung out in the living room on a regular basis, from what I could tell. When I left for work this morning, I noticed an explosion of pine needles all over the entryway, like the tree had tried to grab onto the front door while it was being dragged outside to be garbage.

No, sir. I don't like real Christmas trees. Give me my tiny, fake, pre-lit tree any day.

*~*~*~*

I feel like I say the same thing every year, and here I go again! I am not one for resolutions. A year often seems like an arbitrary measure of time to me - nothing is reset once the clock strikes midnight; nothing changes. The comforts and awesomeness and problems and worries I had on December 31st will still be the same on January 1st (assuming that I didn't add anything new on New Year's Eve).

I feel like I can change anytime. Indeed, a friend and I were having coffee on Monday, and she observed that I never seemed to have any giant life plan, or a set of goals to reach by a certain age. I told her that when I think about the future, I see a big, amorphous blob, and that's totally OK with me. I shape it day by day, and lately, I hardly ever feel the need to go back and reshape.

Xmastimes

2011-12-28T11:34:00.000-05:00

First of all, this.

Speaking of the Fassbender, when "X-Men: First Class" came out on DVD, I wanted to buy it for myself. It is a good movie, and it has both Fassbender and James McAvoy, who I quite enjoy. And they have an absolutely breathtaking bromance. But my mother insisted that I buy the movie for her for Christmas. "You can borrow it anytime you want!" Well, I am a dutiful daughter, so... whatever. I bought it for her, and I only briefly considered opening the plastic, watching the movie, and then wrapping it, because I'm a good girl. And I was rewarded on Christmas, when I got the movie from mom! Now we BOTH own it, and I can watch it whenever I want, without having to drive an hour and a half to pick it up. Yay, mom!

I also got some awesome wallets, including this one:


Dead Sexy

Well, mine is longer and harder than that. OH, I WENT THERE ON A CHRISTMAS BLOG POST!

And some comfy pajamas, and a kitten throw (OMG precious), and a book about scary facts, and a useful emergency lamp, and the movie "Fright Night."

I bought a lot of books for the family, and some video games, of course. I can't wait to check out "Dead Island," which I bought for Malachai. Zombies on a tropical island! Yeah!

I myself ended up playing a lot of "Splatterhouse," which Mark bought for the boys:

KILL EVERYTHING.

It is an arm-tearing, head-popping, gore-and-swear-word-filled, violently funny good time. I played it quite a lot and only got through 20% of the story mode, but mom and I were cracking up at some of the lines - basically, you're this dude named Rick, and you get talked into putting on a mystical mask to save your girlfriend, Jen, and the mask turns you into a killing machine. The shadowy inhabitant of the mask gets into your head, and he's the one with the funny lines.

The game IS bloody and dark, but it's not scary. There is a load scene where one of the monsters is sort of chittering at you, and I started to find it kind of cute when it says, "Mmm, bo-bo-bone." At least, that's what it sounds like.

I don't know if Mark realized that the game was SO gory, SO full of swear words and tits, but whatev. We are a rather inappropriate family, so the boys are kind of used to it.

FOR EXAMPLE:

We are eating Christmas dinner, commenting on Izaak's low-hanging pants, even though he was wearing his new "I Love Boobies" belt. So my mom says, "You know how that started?... Prisoners! When they wore their pants like that, it meant that they were available for buttfucking!"

...And Izaak pulled his pants up real quick. Happy Holidays!

Weird, right?

2011-12-14T12:28:00.000-05:00

I have a female roommate who moved in over Labor Day weekend. She asked Shon if the house was quiet, because she was in grad school and didn't want a lot of weekday wild parties. When I heard that, I was all, "YES! Finally someone else who appreciates the quiet!"

...I should know better by now.

She is a slammer, and a loud talker, and she clog-dances across the wooden floor in wooden-heeled shoes from dawn 'til dusk. No, not literally, but she is ALWAYS in clunky shoes, walking really loudly. She apparently hasn't gotten the memo about slippers. "Slippers, you say? What do they do? Oh, they keep my feet warm, and I can stomp around without waking up quite so many roommate? That sounds PREPOSTEROUS!"

She also leaves dirty dishes in the sink constantly. In other words, she has pretty much replaced the Kid, although she's not quite so stupid. No, she's just annoying. And weird.

She has a walk-in closet, which is located in the main hallway. We all have to pass through this hallway to get to our rooms, or to the kitchen or the bathroom. This is a high-traffic hallway. So I find it incredible odd that she leaves the doorway to her closet open all the time. It's a big closet, and she has a lot of stuff in there, including stuff that might be deemed "personal." If I have a friend over, I get to be all, "Yes, and here are all of my roommate's belongings - please peruse them at your leisure."

She has several thick coats hanging on the door, and the coats attack me as I'm walking down the rather narrow hallway. So I'm always closing the door. She doesn't seem to get the hint.

She has the same open-door policy for her bedroom, which I also find weird. It's nice to have boundaries, right? She doesn't seem to think so (except when she's sleeping). And she's been dating this guy, and he stayed over last night. I don't know or care what they did, but I appreciated that they had the door closed while they were doing it.

But this morning, she and this dude were hanging out in her bed, chatting away, with her door wide open. This was at 7 AM, when I was coming down to use the bathroom and get ready for work. That's weird, right? I mean, even if they were in PJs or whatever, that's weird.

Oh, and her room is right by the front door.

I feel like she thinks we're in some sort of dorm suite or something, but we are NOT. We are grown-ups who don't really know each other, and in my case, don't really care to. Ooh, harsh. But I have enough friends, and I like to relax and be quiet and not be weirded out when I'm home. Roommates come and go. We all came to the house through Craigslist - we're not a co-op, we're not a group of friends. So, again, boundaries are nice.

Now I'm wondering, as with so many other touchy roommate things, how do you even bring up the uncomfortableness of this weirdness?

"I'm not comfortable seeing your tampons or your wide array of soups. I'm uncomfortable knowing what brand of condom you prefer."

"I'd rather not hear your pillow talk while I'm on my way to the bathroom."

"Get your coats out of the way, please. I mean, it's a door! It swings open and closed! It's not hard to work a door. But don't slam it!"

I know, I'm always coming down on my roommates, but I would like to point out again that I don't think it's that hard to be considerate:

Don't wake people up during normal sleeping hours
Do clean up your own messes (INCLUDING DISHES, OMG, ARE YOU TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE?!?)
Don't eat other people's food or use their things unless you have express permission
Do buy shared items like toilet paper and paper towels
Don't freak your roommates out (that is a new addition to the list)

Five little items. You'd think I was asking for the moon! Right now, "Don't creep me out" is at the top of my list. Really. Close your doors. I won't think you're being sneaky.

"In the air, there's the feeling of OMIGOD, WHERE'S THE SNOW?!?"

2011-12-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

Yeah, guess what? Buffalo is GREEN right now. And kind of warm - yesterday I was replacing the light bulb in one of my car's headlights, and I was wearing a thin cardigan, and I was totally fine. I joked on Twitter about being a "total bad-ass" because I was listening to holiday music when there wasn't snow on the ground.

At the house, there are two trees (my tiny one in the family room, and a real one in the living room), and twinkle lights all over, but the glow doesn't feel right when it's not being thrown back at us by the snow outside. I watched "Love Actually" last night, despite the lack of snow - I'm so brave.

And a snowplow woke me up at 5 AM... what the hell were they doing out there, with no snow to be plowed at all?

TWEETS

2011-12-09T21:17:00.000-05:00

If you tweet, check out THIS hilarious sites, which mashes your tweets into new tweets. Funny as hell.

Here are some examples from my Twitter feed:

I could find myself a dance AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW. A coworker says, I am already thinking about the one!

You could find ways to interact with about my ear. People appear to board a bad-ass.

I can't get Tom Waits to put one wins the Santa Ana winds if I contemplate the author S.L.

You don't want to reintroduce Kenny G to work. Your ruling planet Mercury is making a meeting today?

Health to drink. You might be so distracted by a little door on the new mouse for sure.

Yeah... but you have thoughts! Beautiful morning. Good day where I have to take pictures Why are already!

On my car some crafts! THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED! Leslie Hall's new features for Gemini Um.

Um... why do fake people! I pay more. This is opening up strange messages from trying to Kill last

A cupcake is funny as hell that some tattoo knowledge on the trailer. Unraveling your mom on the Roots on.

New trend? I love song about whether I won't SHUT UP! She's talking to handle an unusual person to...

You might get in until fucking funny if you to the better than you want to think so.

You don't blow it... You may sound very clear about whether I can achieve perfectly crispy 80s Madonna!

The Moon's return to be a song about whether I like the mountain of my way to a piano virtuoso, with?

Happy to herself... Intimate interactions with no blame... seriously? You might want to the sexism being?

Hey, it's pretty awesome. Happy to interact with crazy sexists anyway...

I don't know trends. I watched Born to Miami to be required to do with others are asked. LOVELY.

Can I just like a Cage over this weekend. Brilliance. ...accidentally" kissed him on the bush now!

Health to work. You may not say knock-knock" instead of burrito. No, no, no! I'm tired.

My hips hurt. Don't get to think straight today, drawing you to the Nerds.

I contemplate the inevitable zombie apocalypse. In related news, the world of lazy people leaving.

You can slam every little bit unsettling when Fox News spouts. I haven't eaten my work...

One of actually have a cruise ship. You don't get donuts on my followers, be more flexible than others.

New planking? Having the dumb shit. The next time dealing with the author S.L.

Ugh. My sister. You Lightning I am a professional complaint letter. Instead of the culturals!

It's difficult to Miami to withdraw socially to... More for Gemini Dear newest Jane Eyre again - Well, we?

I was arguing with about for Gemini My mom is completely awful. My mom - watch and act like a significant?

You're determined to jiggle. I love song I can't wait to take you actually think she was arguing with a.

People appear to block your romantic feelings may not think I looked back, it kind of tasks you!

Wow, I would be a ballet store. SO Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha want? WHATCHA WANT? The Chainsaw.

Um... why they gave away from American Gothic one time. New York State? My hips hurt.

A cupcake is still in order to go home yet? My mom - a new mouse for the time.

Sometimes you want to the little door on Facebook who is all the thought the future, instead of tasks you.

The next time to do with crazy sexists anyway... Guy I call my way to type like beards on the inevitable?

Yeah, I never know better now that I DON'T want to do vehicles keep throwing their weapons away?!?

The Walking Dead season 2. YES. THE MIGHTY OENIS You might want to alter the Moon'...

More for Gemini Fassbender wormhole on the cosmos!

OK - I'm addicted to adult up in beating around and I retweet too much - Wow.

It's fucking JANUARY. Guess I'll regret eating it. But I don't want to think straight today, drawing you.

Your buzz factor is in until fucking JANUARY. Guess I'll see Steve Guttenberg!

SALTS

2011-12-07T13:32:00.000-05:00

I just got back from the doctor, and I miss the days of yore. When I was little. When doctors didn't give me homework. Oh, I know, the homework is for my own health, since I have high blood pressure (stage 1), and need to keep an eye on that. Not only have I heard that heart attacks aren't fun, we also have a high occurrence of aneurysms in my family. I want to prevent my brain or heart from exploding - and yes, both have happened in my family. SO if you are hanging with me in a store (say, Target), and I go running toward the free blood pressure test machine, just know that it's for my health. And so my doctor doesn't yell at me.

I am supposed to limit my intake of salts. My first reaction was, "Great, because I don't add salt to anything!" But, of course, salt is already in everything, in scary amounts. I guess I'm going to have to work on reading labels on my food, like some sort of adult or something. Those Lean Cuisines that are so simple and tasty, and which I assumed were healthy? Yeah, they're loaded with salt. Vegetable soup? Loaded with salt. Ugh.

On the other hand, I lost a pound since last month. Yes, that is the month that includes Thanksgiving! I think I'll celebrate by eating a Big Mac (I'm kidding!).

the car

2011-12-05T10:48:00.000-05:00

See the last post for cruise observations and photos.

And my car? Well, right before the cruise a fuse went out, which sounds like no big whoop. Except that the fuse was for the tail lights and the lights in the car behind the dash. I had to have my interior lights on so that I could see the speedometer, and my hazards flashing so that other cars could see me at night. And yes, I know how to change a fuse, and I had the fuses I needed on hand. But my car has three fuse boxes, and two of them are in the engine compartment, under the steel braces on either side. The fuse box I needed was under the most rusty brace. WHAT THE FUCK, CHEVROLET? Why did you put so many things I need to get to under heavy, hard-to-remove steel braces?

I kept spraying the bolts on the brace down with WD-40 whenever I thought about it, but the tools I tried to use were slipping and not moving the bolts at all. I was like, "Fuck it, I'm going cruisin'," so I went on the cruise. When I came back, I bought an adjustable ratchet wrench and packed it up with all of my Thanksgiving stuff, and then I set off for Familyland.

When I got to my mom's, my brother saw my ratchet wrench and was stroking it and insisting it was his. The next day (Thanksgiving), he asked if I wanted him to change the fuse. I was about to start cooking things up, so I was like, Cool, whatever. The ratchet wrench was awesome, and Mark had the brace off in no time. He came in to show me how the fuse hadn't blown so much as disintegrated. I replaced the fuse, and SUCCESS! I now have working tail lights, and a Christmas gift idea for Mark, who was so enchanted with my ratchet wrench.

the cruise

2011-12-05T10:43:00.000-05:00

SO. A few weeks ago I was able to forget about car troubles long enough to go on a week-long cruise to the Bahamas! Here are a few things that happened:

- Considering that I was so concerned about breaking any TSA rules, it figures that I would break pretty much all of the rules regarding toiletries. I sort of remembered that there was something about toiletries, but I couldn't find anything on the websites (probably because I was looking in the wrong place). I went ahead and packed a bunch of full-sized toiletries in my carry-on, like an idiot. The agent who pulled me out of line to scold me at the Buffalo airport could have thrown away almost everything I brought, but instead she only threw away my toothpaste, likely the cheapest item I had in there. Thanks, scolding TSA agent.

We spent some time in Florida

- The first thing Julia and her mom and I saw/heard when we went to the port was a crowd of Woo Girls with their bridal party shirts: "I'm the sassy one!" "I'm the loud one!" "I'm the dumb one who will probably get drunk and fall over the side!" Since they were screaming and filling up the whole building with their obnoxious noise, we figured that we would not be able to get away from them for the ENTIRE CRUISE. We thought that they would be everywhere we went, and sitting next to us at dinner, because we had assigned tables. They were that annoying. Surprisingly, after that first day, we didn't see them at all! WOO!

There were animals in our room.

- After we stowed our bags in our tiny room (I liked the room, but had to get used to the diagonal toilet), we headed up to the Lido deck to watch ourselves float away from Miami. We climbed to one of the higher decks to check out the view and the mini-golf course - which OMIGOD WE FORGOT TO PLAY! Anyway, we noticed a middle-aged man and his younger, foreign wife who were standing nearby. He seemed really attentive and kept asking what she wanted to do. She was giving suggestions, but he suddenly got creepily happy and started saying, "It's sunscreen time! It's sunscreen time!" as he hustled her off to their cabin. For the rest of the cruise, Julia and I would turn to each other at random moments and say, "It's sunscreen time!"

SUNSCREEN!

- I didn't do anything the first night, since I was tired and already a bit anxious about being on a cruise ship with 3000+ people that I couldn't get away from. But Julia cavorted around, and the next day she was telling me about some Bros who were being dumb as fuck the night before. They were standing in front of us while we waited in line for breakfast, bro-ing out and being general douchecopters, and again we had the feeling that we would be assaulted with their stupidity for the rest of the cruise. But, other than some hilarious drunken dancing, which I recorded, we didn't see much of them either! And dudes: if complete strangers are coming up to you while you are in line for breakfast, asking how you can be standing after the night before, you might want to pull up the reins on the drinking. Just a bit.

I responsibly enjoyed a Jack Julep

- The food on the cruise ship was amazing. People were rhapsodizing about the chicken fingers, which were delicious, and the dinner service was also very, very good. As was our wait staff. Seriously, for four nights I had chilled fruit soup, which was AWESOME.

Strawberry

- There was a dude wearing boxer briefs on the cruise ship pool. He was acting like they're swimwear. They are NOT. I took pictures.

Not swimwear!

- We went to Grand Turk and were going to take a nature walk and try to see some wild donkeys and flamingos. But there was nowhere to walk, so we hung out at giant pool that was blasting Jimmy Buffett.

This makes up for the Buffett

- On another day, we went to Half Moon Cay, which is a private island owned by Carnival. It was all beach, very relaxing. Julia and I went on the Nature Walk path, and when I heard a noise and saw a little blue-striped chameleon running around in the brush, I got all excited. "Hey, we found the nature! On the Nature Walk!" But then we found out that the chameleons were loud as fuck and not that hard to find. They were cute, though.

Loud as fuck.

- On our last full day, we went to Nassau, which was ...uh, scary, and not for people who can't stand being super-enclosed with other people. Especially when the other people are very aggressively trying to sell you crap. I wasn't into it. I think that we should have gone to Nassau first, and then to the smaller, quieter islands, and then sailed back to Miami. If I planned the cruise, that's what we would have done.

- The cruise director was named NOONAN, and he was kind of a jerk. We picked on him the entire time.

Fucking NOONAN

- Ew, I almost forgot about the talent show. Most of it was pretty good, but then some country dude got up and sang "Proud To Be An American," which I confidently count among my list of worst songs EVER. So fucking awful. I mean, the guy's voice was fine, but his obvious pandering to "patriotism," among a multinational crowd, was gross. I AM proud to be an American, but that song is hideous, melodramatic schlock! It's the kind of shit that "patriots" sing along to, and then they crush a beer can on their foreheads and yell, "I'm an AMURKIN!" And then they don't have to think about anything, or question anything. Lazy patriotism. I was so disgusted that I didn't take any pictures.

- After we disembarked in Miami (SO much quicker than embarking), we rented a car and drove to Fort Lauderdale. First, the rental car company gave our car away, so we had to wait for them to fix their snafu, but I actually found it kind of pleasant to just stand on the sidewalk and wait. Once we had our car, we set off for Fort Lauderdale. I didn't see much of Miami, but it seemed too big for me. Fort Lauderdale was more my speed, and our hotel (TropiRocks? I think) was small and charming, with a small and charming owner, and a dog, and a cat.

tiny and adorable

- We fortified ourselves at the ever-wonderful Outback Steakhouse, and then checked into our awesome hotel. Then Julia and I went off to find the Everglades. We found Markham Park, which had a dog park called "Barkham Park" AND a nature trail that takes you up on the edge of the Everglades and the river of grass. I quite liked the river of grass, and the white herons, and the way the weather was so changeable. The sun was out, and then we saw a rainbow all the way across the sky, and then it was dark as dusk, and then the sun was out again. Even better, there were edges to every weather change, so you could see them coming. Someday I would like to see the cypress swamps of the Everglades (protected by a boat), but the river of grass was enough on this trip.

sunny, yet ominous

the same, but different

rainbow

a white heron

the river of grass

- Coming home, we ran into a guy who was flying with a cat in a carrier. The cat was so calm and not even drugged! The guy got worried because the TSA agent made him take the cat out of the carrier, and he wasn't expecting that. But the cat handled it beautifully. I tried to imagine flying somewhere with Floyd, since you're allowed to bring a pet on the plane if their carrier isn't too big, but then I remembered how Floyd is a giant freak who doesn't like to travel, and NO.

- OF COURSE I was "randomly selected" by the metal-detector machine and was whisked away by two TSA agents, who also grabbed my carry-ons. I had nightmarish visions of a tiny room, me with absolutely nothing to confess, but being pressured to confess anyway. Embarrassing strip searches. Airport prison. By the time my brain had gotten to the part of the scenario where I was all steel-jawed and stoic while being threatened with torture, we were standing at a small kiosk, where one of the agents swabbed my hands to see if I'd had contact with drugs recently. They found nothing. And that was it. I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit of a letdown, considering what was going on in my head.

- A week later, I was still swaying like I was on a boat. Even now, if I get up in the middle of the night, I'm swaying a little.

So. This whole cruise thing - I am glad I tried it, but it's not for me. Being on a boat with so many other people, nowhere to really escape and be quiet... I was just drained and drained and drained, with no recharging. Too many announcements, too much running around. But I'm glad I went, and the Bahamas were beautiful. In the future, I would like to go to one of the tiny islands and just stay in one place for a while, eating and reading and swimming and sleeping whenever I want. Without NOONAN coming over the loudspeaker, mangling the text that he's supposed to read in his annoying David Schwimmer-esque voice.

EWWWW

2011-11-10T11:25:00.000-05:00

I am writing a letter to the auto garage that messed up my car, asking for at least a partial refund. Instead of sending my usual vitriolic "YOU SUCK!" variety of letter, I am actually researching how to do a more professional complaint letter. You catch more flies with honey, or some shit.

*~*~*~*

A chat with Julia this morning:

Me: FASSDONG!
Julia: Did you see some Fassdong?

Me: I sent you a bulgy e-mail

Julia: oh, i am just opening it now

Me: I haven't searched for pics of the member because I want to be deliciously surprised

Julia: hahahaha. oh, the suspense!

Me: indeed

Julia: i think i would be a little scared of the fassdong

Me: I have started dreaming about large snakes

Julia: HAHAHA

Yes, this is how grown-up ladies chat on the internets. And this is the subject:


Are you thinking about my johnson?

Apparently Michael Fassbender is quite well-endowed. And he does full-frontal in "Shame," which comes out next month and is rated NC-17. And, as I said to Julia, I have regressed into a giggly 15-year-old virgin.

*~*~*~*

So I'm going on my cruise next week. I'm still not getting too excited (because every time I do, the car breaks down), but I am thinking about packing and rules and such. I am always so afraid of breaking rules. And usually I'm just throwing clothes in a backpack and then throwing the backpack in the car. Now I have to check my luggage - oh dear!

he has JUMP

2011-11-03T12:51:00.000-04:00

I got my car back from the garage this morning, after handing over a large chunk of change. Yes, I could have used that money for other things, BUT! When I pulled my car onto the street and gently stepped on the gas pedal (expecting the usual, slow acceleration of a 14-year-old car), I got blown back in my seat! My car's got jump again! And it has been years.

Also, the walk from my house to the bus stop and the walk from the bus stop to the car garage was gorgeous. The weather for the last few days has been absolutely beautiful, but I have not been appreciating it because I have been moping and wallowing. This morning, though, even on my way to hand over what is a lot of money to me, I could not help but enjoy myself, and enjoy the weather. The air was soft, and the leaves were colorful and crunchy, and everything smelled amazing. Even on the bus.

Also, while I was driving my car to work, I saw a black cat run across Elmwood and under some hedges. He scared out some birds, and then he did this hilariously crazy leap to try and catch one of the birds. It was obvious that he was just having so much fun, and it made me giggle quite a bit.

Also, I saw a really hot rockabilly guy delivering food to a convenience store. There's something about the hair and the tattoos under a uniform...

So. I feel pretty awesome today. I love to indulge in a bit of a mope, because I know that things will get resolved and everything will be fine. Sometimes we all need a little mope, a bit of contrast, to make the "regular" things not seem so ignorable. Like going to bed with a massive headache and waking up pain-free and refreshed.

I'm still broke. But I feel pretty awesome.

Yup. Some more of this.

2011-11-02T10:36:00.000-04:00

First off - my mother is doing so much better than anyone ever expected. She went through the surgery swimmingly (she told me a horrifying story of waking up from the general anesthetic to hear sawing and crunching, but her spinal was still in effect, so she didn't feel it). She wowed the nurse and the physical therapist by zooming around her floor with the walker a few hours after her surgery, and when she asked for pain meds, it wasn't for the repaired hip, but for the hip that is still bad.

The plan was for mom to be transferred to a different room in the hospital, so that she could continue the physical therapy under watchful eyes, but she was doing everything so well that she was able to come home and do outpatient therapy instead. Her rehab continues apace, and in roughly 6 months, the other hip will be done. This is wonderful and marvelous and amazing.

Not so wonderful - my car. I know that I just wrote about how I was SO OVER car-related anxiety, and blah blah blah, if I could just make it until spring, I can begin car-shopping then. I thought I was in the clear for a while... and so of course my car started to act up the day after my mother's surgery. The kind of serious acting-up that you can't ignore because you're convinced the engine might explode (Izaak and Malachai were in the car, and Izaak said, "Is the car going to start on fire?" I tried to explain that cars don't go up in huge balls of fire like they do in the movies, but I didn't really convince any of us).

So I went from worrying about my mother right into worrying about my car, seamlessly and sickeningly. I was too far from my regular mechanics, so I took my car to a local shop by my mom. I didn't realize how inept they were, but it struck me pretty quickly that they didn't give a shit about anything. Three days, two missed days of work, and $250 later, I took the car back to Buffalo, so angry that time that could have been spent being so happy about my mom was actually spent angry and worried that this garage couldn't even be bothered to call me back. Oh, and they messed the car up further. Of course.

Now the car is at my garage, and I'm looking to be out another $500. My anxiety about this is heightened by the fact that the cruise I've been looking forward to is coming up a little too quickly for my liking. And my rent is late, because of the car. And Christmas is coming up. Money, money, money, spent faster than I can make it.

Oh, and I think I might be having another bout of just wanting to be alone in my dark room-cave - I'm not sure if the money anxiety brought it on, or if it was coming naturally and cyclically, like it usually does, but hot damn, my room-cave sounds so nice right now.

BIONIC!

2011-10-19T12:31:00.000-04:00

I start with random: Michael Fassbender walked through my dream last night, and there was no sex involved. BRAIN FAIL. Still, it was a work dream. Even better, it was a work anxiety dream, in which I was seriously being walled out of my work, and he strolled through and in like a boss. And then I couldn't get in. TO MY WORK. And I also couldn't get in to where he was, so that I could stare at him when he wasn't looking and then act nonchalant if he glanced my way. (Isn't that what adults do when their movie-star crushes appear in front of them? I'm trying to be more adult.)

"Are you looking at me every time I look away?"

It was also sort of an adventure dream - "They're bricking up this entrance to the office, so let's look this way." At one point, I had to dangle off of a platform and then drop down to the floor below. Maybe if the dream had lasted longer, the Fassbender would have been a sort of prize for being dedicated enough to get into the office? On the OTHER hand, how did that bastard get into my work? He doesn't even work here, and I have a keycard! Bastard. Hottie bastard.

*~*~*~*

OK, now on to the REAL NEWS, AND YES, I FEEL SHOUTY ABOUT IT!

MY MOM IS GETTING ONE OF HER HIPS REPLACED ON FRIDAY!

Yes, it is finally, finally, finally starting to happen. She has been to a ton of doctor appointments all through September and October, and it is finally time to get this started. We already have a contingency plan for bringing Diet Pepsi once the surgery is over, because my mom is addicted, and I definitely don't want to see what Diet Pepsi withdrawal looks like.

I took Friday and Monday off so that I could be down there with her. She has to do rehab, and they'll try to get her out of bed as soon as possible. We all know that this won't be an overnight recovery - she hasn't been able to walk without hip pain for several years. But it's gonna be awesome. It's all gonna be so awesome. She's going to do her physical therapy, and in about 6 more months, the other hip will be replaced, and then she'll do more physical therapy.

My hope is that, by this time next year, mom will be chasing us kids around and beating on us for all of the rude stuff we said when she couldn't catch us. Hopefully she won't still have the cane on hand.

2011-10-12T13:24:00.000-04:00

Time just moves faster and faster, which means that I am getting older and older. I adore the fall, but I feel like it was just June, and before that it was just January. Also, I am ill again, and I was just sick a few weeks ago! It seriously just happened.

And now I have a lesson in how NOT to be an adult. It goes like this:

Get a letter about your insurance not accepting your doctor anymore
freak out, then decide to get proactive and find the best new doctor EVER... and then ignore the whole doctor thing until the very last minute
hope that you really don't need to have a doctor on your insurance renewal forms, even though you know that you really do
on the day when your insurance renewal forms are due, call around until you find a doctor who is accepting new patients - while doing this, write down a ton of notes that make no sense
after writing down four or five doctor names, and a ton of notes that make no sense, don't bother indicating on your nonsensical notes which doctor you actually picked
don't think about it for almost a year
get sick and have NO FUCKING IDEA WHO YOUR DOCTOR IS

Seriously, self? Seriously? You are 33 years old! You are too old for this "I'm not really an adult" bullshit!

I have felt like crap since Thursday, and while I feel less tired and overall crappy today, I have the sneaking suspicion that the congestion is moving to my lungs. I hardly ever have chest colds, but when I do, they almost always manage to turn into bronchitis. Which is no fun. And I believe antibiotics don't help. So why might I need a doctor? Well, what if it turns into pneumonia instead? I'm pretty sure you need a doctor for that!

LUCKILY, I have an HSA, so I don't really have to go to an assigned doctor now. Still, it would be nice to have a regular doctor. I guess. Ugh, whatever!

~*~*~*~*~

An unrelated story:

So the other day, when I was walking with my nephew Owen, he said, "On the first day of the world, was everybody babies?" It was so cute! And since I didn't feel like explaining the Big Bang Theory and evolution to a 5-year-old, I said yeah. I am the best auntie ever.

a nice English Breakfast tea... or beer

2011-09-28T09:52:00.000-04:00

I am lacking in sleep this week, but am otherwise quite content. Usually I would be more miserable with tiredness, but last week I had a head cold, and slept and read and drank tea for two days. I think I may have rested up enough last week to offset my tiredness this week. And, while I don't have the sick days and the comfy reading chair in the sunny corner of the living room (it really was lovely out last week, while I was lolling around the house with a head cold), even though Floyd is at home and not in my lap right now, I do still have the tea. Tea is so lovely and portable!

I managed to move out of a head cold and right into PMS and cramps, but I have been bludgeoning such things in their nasty heads with beer and friends and movies starring Michael Fassbender. Last night I went to a Great Lakes Brewing Company beer tasting at Cole's on Elmwood... and by "tasting," I mean that I had three pints. Three delicious pints of beer - I had the Big Black Smoke (a smoky porter), Rye of the Tiger (an India pale ale with rye malt), and Nosferatu (an imperial red ale). I am a big fan of Burning River and Edmund Fitzgerald, and I can't wait for the Christmas ale. My friend Julia wants to travel to the Great Lakes Brewery in Cleveland, OH, and we should definitely, definitely do that.

Tonight I am celebrating WNY's Restaurant Week by visiting the Blue Monk, again with Julia. We went there for my birthday and loved the food, and I can't wait to see what they bring out tonight. Plus, of course, there will be beer.

On Thursday I am going to rest after work, have some tea, and cook some chili. Said chili will be consumed (probably with beer) on Friday night, when Julia (AGAIN?!?) and I have a movie night. We are going to get our Halloween season started with "Trick R' Treat," which I watched almost obsessively last fall. I can't wait to watch it some more. And I'll probably watch some more Michael Fassbender movies too, this weekend.

Fall Purple

2011-09-15T14:30:00.000-04:00

Time for a redesign - and now I want to go out and buy myself some asters.

The car is fixed. It only took a day and a half, and my mechanics, the loves of my auto life, didn't even charge me for some of the work they did! So when I say "loves of my auto life," I am only exaggerating a little. I was telling everyone that I would have been happy with a $400 repair bill, and what I ended up paying was $185. NOT TOO SHABBY. Also, Clive is running better than he has in quite some time.

It was brought to my attention that Clive is an old car, and that it would take a lot of money to get him to where he should be, and I know this. A frozen strut and a worn-down engine and rust spots that get bigger and bigger. It has now gotten to the point where I need to think about a new(ish) car sooner rather than later. But not yet. Not yet. Maybe next spring...

I do get excited thinking about a newer car, a smaller car. My Clive is a TANK, and I love that about him, but the turn radius of a Chevy Lumina is craptacular. I'm sick of running over curbs when I'm trying to turn right, or of having to do an 80-point turn while watching zippy little cars perform a similar maneuver in a quarter of the time and a tenth of the points of turn.

And now I can start saving for the cruise!!

When I didn't know how long my car repair was or how expensive it would be, I thought that I might not be able to make my niece Kailyne's birthday. Yes, she turns 4 today, actually, and there will be a little party this weekend. And I will be there, and I will give her a Rapunzel doll that will make her squeal with joy. The rest of the Mattel Disney dolls didn't look anything like their namesakes - Snow White and Sleeping Beauty were particularly bad; they looked like Barbies that had been left on a hot stove. But the Rapunzel doll (from "Tangled") is pretty good.

Otherwise, my mom and I will be cooking chili, sleeping as much as we want, and enjoying my newest obsession in "Jane Eyre."

Helloooooo Michael Fassbender!

Oh, Clive

2011-09-09T11:46:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd finally gotten over my car freak-outs. I thought that I'd resigned myself to the fact that my old car, tank though he is, will need repairs from time to time, and I will probably not get a lot of warning. I thought I was pragmatic about it.

But now my car is leaking oil, and I am freaking out. I know that freak-outs don't just come out of nowhere, and I can point to several of the factors that are leading to my rising level of hysteria:

I just paid a $200 deductible because some doucher decided to break into my car and strip the ignition. I'm glad that I pay for comprehensive coverage, and I recognize that I would have paid twice what I did on my own, but SOME CREEP BROKE INTO MY RUST-BUCKET CAR, WHICH HAS A TAPE DECK AND NOTHING OF WORTH, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY FOUND NOTHING OF VALUE TO STEAL, THEY MADE MY CAR UNDRIVEABLE. For the sheer fuckery of it. I cannot seem to get over that. And my insurance company started out strong, but ended with a fizzle (they closed the case before the car had even been fixed, delaying the repairs). And the garage wasn't MY garage, so even though they were pretty professional and quick once they finally got the OK to fix the car, I just didn't feel comfortable with them.
An oil problem on an old car is the most nightmare car scenario I can think of. It could be something very cheap, something very expensive, or anything in between, and since I can't see where the leak is coming from, I can't even research online to allay my fears a bit. While my garage would never gouge me on prices, I am terrified of hearing what is wrong. At least if my transmission went, I would know to let the car go... you know? Although I really can't afford a new car right now. Not even a new-to-me car. Because...
I am trying to save for an upcoming week-long cruise in November. The cruise and flight down are paid for, and I have to pay my friend back and save for all of the other expenses, and need I repeat that I just spent $200 unexpected dollars on my car? I have considered telling my friend that I will give her my firstborn child, but since she knows that I don't want to have children, that ruse might not work.
I get paid biweekly, and my car repair will line up with my next check. What if it takes my whole check to repair the car? For some reason, I am terrified that I won't be able to feed my cats, even though I had cats when I was destitute in my early 20s (like, almost homeless), and I had no problem feeding the cats then. Or drinking to excess. Ah, grad school.

Really, I need about 5 or 10 minutes to let myself fully freak out. When I am working or when I am trying to sleep - these are not good times to give in to the hysteria. I think tonight I'll schedule a freak-out, and then I have all weekend to relax. By the time Monday rolls around, I will be calm as fuck. Right? Right?

The Kid is gone!

2011-08-31T10:10:00.000-04:00

Some LINKS!:

A review of the original Joy of Sex

on unrequited female love

on men and street harassment

*~*~*~*

I have had the most awful time sleeping this week. I'm not sure why, but I've been blaming everything on ragweed and my period. Two very likely suspects for my zombie eyes and non-working brain.

You know who I can't blame for my sleeplessness, for once? The Kid! Because the Kid finally moved the fuck out! He moved in with his girlfriend, who apparently told Shon that she likes me, because I made the Kid be "cleaner." Sure, the Kid only gave Shon a week's notice, because he can't even get the fuck out considerately, but he is gone!

I should be sleeping like a damn baby. The Kid doesn't just "happen" to be coming out of his room every time I come in the house or down the stairs. All of my dishes and glasses are in the cabinets, clean and sparkly and ready to use, not sitting in the Kid's room, all dirty. The slamming of doors has gone down 80% since Sunday.

The Kid is an ardent Ron Paul supporter, which I found out after he was gone, and EW, how awful! It's probably a good thing I didn't know that before, because I would have needled the Kid constantly. "Are you racist? Homophobic? Do you hate women? Do you seriously think that that lunatic will help ANYTHING?"

Seriously. FUCK RON PAUL.

Um... anyway, the Kid is gone, and maybe I'm having trouble sleeping because the house is so quiet! Well, the roommate who has very loud sex with his girlfriend is still around, so the house isn't too quiet. But apparently he's moving out too.

the things kids say

2011-08-24T14:21:00.000-04:00

I posted a comment at my friend's blog the other day about how my older nephews have started almost obsessively asking me about funny things that they said or did when they were little. A toddler's randomness knows no bounds, and I have tried to document as many funny things as I can, like how Izaak used to call cobwebs "cwybwebs," and how Owen used to call four-wheelers "four-lillers." Oh, and he loved to "pop a lilly" on his toy "four-liller." And the usual cutesies from all of the boys: "pasghetti" and "efalant" are my favorites.

Poor Malachai didn't bother talking until he was about 3, because Izaak would never shut up, but with him, I remember funny poses and faces. The time he threatened me with karate, resulting in my favorite picture of Chai Chai EVER.

Imma do my karate on you!

And, not too long ago, the time he stole my mom's glasses and did a pretty good Bubbles impersonation.

Bubbles!

Izaak had a sort of funny-creepy incident that the family loves to bring up: he used to get up before my sister Nicky, and one time she heard him talking in the kitchen. When she came out of the bedroom, she found that Izaak had pulled a chair up to the kitchen counter and was reaching toward the block of knives, saying to himself, "No, Izaak! Bad Izaak! Bad!" Freaky, right? But also funny, especially since Nicky caught him in time, and no slicing was done.

Owen started playing video games pretty early, and as a family, we play a lot of Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2. (You may believe that these games are too violent for a young child, but I believe that it's training for the inevitable zombie apocalypse, and my family will TOTALLY outlast your family!) The games show stats of who had the most headshots, who helped their team the most, etc. Owen can't read yet, but he just decides that he did the best, so what we get from him - and mock often - is, "YES! I killed the most infected of the Tank!" Sometimes, "YES! I killed the most infected of the Witch!" But really, you should try to leave the witches alone.

LEAVE THE WITCH ALONE!

Oh my GOD, I want to play Left 4 Dead now. This is why I don't have a gaming system in my house; I am an addict! Anyway...

One time Malachai said that old ladies weren't real.

One time Izaak tried some of my honey mustard sauce, and then later he asked if he could have more of my "funny monster" sauce.

And, one of my all-time favorites: The family was at McDonald's, when Izaak was maybe 2. I had gone to the bathroom, and was fixing my hair, fixing my makeup, really taking my time. Izaak turned to a very uptight-looking older woman who was sitting nearby, and he struck up a conversation with her. "Sarah go to the bafroom?" The uptight-looking woman answered something about how well Izaak was talking, and "Do you go to the bathroom? You're probably not old enough yet." So, of course, Izaak got right in the uptight woman's face and said, "SARAH TAKE A DUMP??"

The woman turned around and wouldn't talk to Izaak anymore. When I came out of the bathroom, Izaak was eating his fries, and Nicky and my mom were trying not to laugh out loud.

Which brings us to the present day: one of the things that Izaak would constantly do when he was really little was check up on me if I was in the bathroom. It didn't matter what I was doing, whether I was showering or brushing my teeth or brushing my hair or actually using the toilet. I would hear Izaak's fat toddler feet running outside the door, and then I'd hear him yell, "Sarah, you pooping? You pooping, Sarah? Can I poop? Sarah? Sarah, you pooping?"

Since revenge is a dish best served cold, I waited almost 9 years to start torturing Izaak this way. The last time I was at my mother's, Izaak was in the bathroom, which has a window overlooking the back yard. I went outside, and I went up to the window, and I shouted, "IZAAK, YOU POOPING? ARE YOU POOPING, IZAAK?" Kailyne and Lyra were in the backyard too, and they immediately started asking each other if they were pooping ("Sister, you pooping?"), asking my brother Mark if he was pooping, asking ROY! the dog if he was pooping. It was hilarious.

I have now created a monster out of Lyra. I get texts from my mom: "Lyra wants to know if you're pooping." And mom tells me stories like this: Lyra was sitting in mom's lap, watching a movie, and Mark was sleeping. Even though he was obviously not paying attention, Lyra kept whispering, "Daddy, you pooping?"

My work as an auntie is DONE.

Otis and I

2011-08-11T20:26:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I put on my "Auntie Sarah" hat and dogsat Otis, who lives across the street with Ami and Jon (perhaps I have mentioned them in this blog a few times...). Ami sent me a long, rambling e-mail about the occasion, and Jon wrote me several hilariously starred and bulleted notes about how to take care of a dog. Yes, I kept the e-mail and the notes. I have tried to imagine what I would do if someone were to keep Floyd for me for a bit, the instructions I would give, but I got nothing. "He poops in his litterbox, he eats his food when he feels like it. He may eat all of the bugs in your house. He will occasionally stare at the wall like he's seeing ghosts... uh... maybe pet him sometimes? Unless he doesn't want you to."

maybe some pets?

I picked up Otis on Friday night, and we immediately had quiet time. I read, and he processed the monumental change of crossing the street and entering a home that wasn't his (he may have snored a little).

processing the change

I didn't bother telling my roommates that a dog was coming to stay. They've been angering me lately. I know, it's mean of me, but I was gratified that Otis didn't like the Kid AT ALL. The Kid slams everything - he manages to slam doors while he's opening them as well as closing them, at all times of the day and night, and both Otis and I are so sensitive to loud, sudden noises. While I would just grumble and mutter swear words under my breath, like usual, Otis would launch down the stairs, barking at the Kid the whole way. Ha ha, Kid! No one likes you! Maybe quit being so loud and inconsiderate, you dildo.

TOO LOUD!

Ahem.

The weekend was spent walking, eating, and relaxing. Otis and I took a two-poop walk on Saturday morning. I'll let you decide who pooped. Toward the end of the walk, a stranger tried to give Otis a bit of dog treat, but Otis wasn't having it, and I don't blame him. The stranger looked kind of unwashed, I didn't know where his hands had been, and Otis has a better nose than I do.

Floyd and Otis didn't exactly get along, but they didn't exactly NOT get along. Floyd warily sniffed Otis. Otis warily sniffed Floyd, and whined and whined because he wanted to be closer to Floyd. I feel like they would have eventually gotten closer, but they were on different "new friendship" schedules, and time ran out.

Floyd checking out Otis

A funny thing - on Saturday afternoon, I was reading in the living room, and Floyd and Otis were both slowly walking around the living room, acting like they weren't paying attention to one another. I don't know what caused it. What I do know is that one minute I was reading in the perfectly quiet living room, and the next minute, Otis was racing across the living room with Floyd in pursuit. Otis zigged, and Floyd didn't bother chasing him, so I don't know how serious Floyd was in his attack attempt. But he was making a sort of mean face.

Otis checking out Floyd

Later that night, Otis was laying on the couch next to me, and Floyd came and stood up on the edge of the sofa. He started to paw a little at Otis, like he wanted to talk, but Otis growled, and then Floyd was gone down the stairs. Still, they were constantly looking for each other, all weekend.

Otis would come running to get pets from me whenever I would try to pay attention to Floyd, but Floyd didn't start getting jealous until Sunday morning. Humidity was high, and our walk was gross and sweaty, so Otis and I collapsed onto my bed to enjoy a bit of A/C when we got back to my house. Floyd jungle-catted in, peered over me at Otis, then jumped on top of me and yelled right in Otis's face! Aww, Floyd cares.

Of course, later that afternoon, I was sitting on the couch watching some "Lost," and I had a dog on one side, a cat on the other. Later still, when I went to bed, I had a dog on one side, a cat on the other.

so... much... walking...

I took Otis home on Monday morning, and after work I returned to a dog-less house. Floyd and I have gotten back into our routine of being lazy. One funny thing - last night Otis was whining from his living room across the street, and because the windows were open, Floyd heard him and went running to our living room windows to see where Otis was! Aww, Floyd cares.

Meanwhile, Zelda stayed in the kitchen and ignored us all.

calming the hell down

2011-08-02T15:55:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I left my mom's house later than I intended to. I was due in Buffalo for the Decemberists concert at ArtPark last night. So imagine my vexation when a bridge that was supposed to be open was still closed, when everyone decided to drive like a maniac, or they decided to drive 10 miles under the speed limit. I was running late, I was hot and sweaty, I couldn't go more than 5 minutes without some motorist around me doing something crazy, and I was a tiny bit afraid/certain that my car would break down. I did not enter my house in the best of moods.

I came home after a long weekend away, and I found that Zelda had thrown up once in the hallway. One of my roommates had placed a full roll of paper towels right next to the spot. SO passive-aggressive. Seriously, is it completely unreasonable of me to be all, "I will clean up the cat mess when I am home"? I don't think that's unreasonable! In fact, I'm pretty sure that that's how most cat owners work. I WILL clean up the mess when I am actually home to do it, as I always do. I do not need any bitchy visual cues that roommates who DON'T EVER CLEAN ANYTHING don't like the fact that I am not home 24/7 to clean up after Zelda.

Meanwhile, there are empty cans, bottles, and jars all over kitchen "to be recycled," but I'm pretty sure the recycling truck does not actually drive up to our kitchen for pick-up. Of course, we have no recycling bin because it was stolen. Of course, no one has gone through the steps to get a new bin. It's a lot easier to just leave your empties all over the kitchen. Of course, this extreme laziness is coming from people who think that I don't clean up enough. I'm the slob because my cat vommed once or twice while I wasn't home, even though I clean up after her as soon as I came home. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT IS THIS?

This little rant has made me feel better. Still...

I recognize that I'm on the edge of a PMS meltdown, which turns me into a giant rage bomb anyway, but I need to be better about letting this dumb shit go. I feel like I'm backsliding to where I used to be, looking for any reason to be enraged at people (and there are always way too many reasons). Where this rage used to be a sort of fuel to me, I now find it incredibly draining. The fact is that some of my roommates are stupid, and some of my roommates are jerks, and some of my roommates are both, and it's not going to change. I like the house, I like the rent I pay, and I know that I can ignore the roommates if I truly need to.

For now, I'm just going to get the recycling bin and clean up the kitchen myself, because I know that it'll actually get done that way. I will continue cleaning up after my cats as I see fit, and I will not be bullied by a brand-new bitchy roommate into being super-neurotic about it. I will still be the only person who sweeps and vacuums and dusts. I can accept that, but I will do it when I feel like it, to make MY living space better, and screw the rest of them. And when the inevitable roommate bullshit happens again, I will just ignore, disengage, and try not to get so worked up about it. They're not worth my anger. My anger doesn't change anything. Waste of energy.

I need to relearn how to calm the hell down.

(P.S. The Decemberists were awesome!)

Mr. Freakout

2011-07-26T10:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the first pleasant day in a while - I came home from work and sat outside reading, and I didn't sweat to death! Later, my friend Julia came over, and I cooked us burgers for dinner, without passing out from the heat in the kitchen! (I honestly can't remember the last time I cooked something before last night - I have been living on hummus and flat bread.)

Julia and I ate dinner and were in the middle of a movie when the power went out; apparently someone had hit one of the poles on our street, and it just crumbled. The whole pole had to be replaced. Frankly, I'm going to be walking on my street with an anxious eye on the power lines from now on, and if anything starts creaking, I will RUN LIKE THE WIND.

Anyway, the power went out, and without the ceiling fan, the third floor started to overheat again, so Julia and I harnessed Floyd up and took him for a walk. I had Julia hold Floyd's leash while I locked the front door, and she walked him down the driveway a bit. It was funny how he kept looking up at her like he wasn't sure who she was or why she was the one at the end of his leash. But, for the most part, he was very well-behaved. He needed no coaxing - he just set off like a boss down the street, and we didn't have to pull him out from under any shrubbery.

Just as we got back to my house, my friends Ami and Jon came home. Floyd let Jon pet him but would not have anything to do with Ami - he didn't even appreciate her fabulous manicure. He actually laid down facing away from Ami, as far away from her as his leash would allow, acting for all the world like a petulant child. And then Jon brought out their dog Otis (a lovely, mild-mannered dog), and Floyd was just completely done being polite at all. So even though Jon very considerately walked away with Otis and was nowhere near us, Floyd decided that he was going to jet off and escape the social madness.

...Of course, he forgot about the leash, which he managed to catch around his back paw.He crashed through some of our plants, hissing and yowling the whole way. And yes, before you ask, I am that mean lady who laughs at her cat's distress. Because it was hilarious! And yes, I am the type who laughs at my nieces and nephews when they do hilarious, ridiculous things too. Also, Julia and Ami were laughing - it wasn't just me.

While I was laughing, I had firm hold of Floyd's leash, and I followed him through the plants until he fell on the driveway, hissing and yowling at the leash and at HIS OWN BACK PAW. You see? Hilarious. The memory of the look on his face is enough to get me giggling a day later. And as soon as I got close enough to disentangle him, he calmed right down and got adorably confused.

I tried to continue my friendly conversation, which was interrupted by Mr. Freakout (that is Floyd's new nickname), but he kept squirming around in my arms, until I finally had to get a little stern with him. His response was to lay his head down on my shoulder like he was exhausted - such a manipulator - so I had to laugh and bring him inside.

Other than Floyd's antisocial behavior, it was a pretty good walk.

On a related note, Hey, look at these! Some pictures of auditions for black cats.

Beat the heat (with a giant stick of snow)

2011-07-21T10:04:00.000-04:00

When even your heat-loving friends are moaning, "Toooo muuuuuuuuch!," you know it's hot out. And me, I enjoy winter. I don't hate summer, but my body and mind do better with chilly than with sweaty. Especially when I'm sweating as soon as I get out of a cool shower. Or waking up a billion times a night because the A/C isn't making a dent in my bedroom. Or having to go downstairs every 15 minutes for more ice water to guzzle. Factor in a car that doesn't have A/C and has only two working windows (both on the same side of the car), and there you have it: I am barely exaggerating when I say that this heat wave is sucking the life out of me.

I had my most active night last night, when I went out for an iced chai latte and read a bit, and then I bought some groceries. Everything I bought can be eaten without needing to be cooked first: hummus and pita bread, greek yogurt, etc. Edy's Fruit Bars and fudgecicles figure prominently in my diet this week.

I still enjoy my job, but it's especially nice to come to work when the building has very serious A/C. Also, they keep feeding me food, so that I don't even have to expend any energy foraging for it!

I went shopping on Monday night (the mall was gloriously cool), and I bought two candles for my room at the new Anthropologie store. The scent is Midnight, by the Soap and Paper Factory, and when burned, these candles turn my room from a soupy, hot mess into something downright sultry, something out of Tennessee Williams.

Still, I was ecstatic to see that the temperature for Sunday is expected to be in the low 70s.

Stats are suddenly interesting

2011-07-11T21:11:00.000-04:00

Since I am a sadly non-observant bastard lately, I have only recently noticed the "Stats" tab on my blog. And OH MY GOODNESS! How addictive that tab is. For instance, just about everyone who found my blog through a search engine was searching for pictures for Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2. That's rad!!

Here's some pictures for you, who are my people:

Left 4 Dead 2 - Swamp Fever!

Concept art from the bridge

I so enjoy concept art.

Some of you came from my Twitter, and some of you came over from my friend Alex's blog.

Most of you are reading me in the United States of America, but quite a lot of you are in Malaysia. What is up, Malaysia?

So lately I have been playing "Alice: Madness Returns," which was a birthday present from my mother and brother. And I adore this game! It's Victorian-style, with a dark twist. And the older I get, the more I realize that "Alice in Wonderland" has always been pretty messed up, even before someone takes it and makes it murderous:

in the Red Queen's castle

Hysteria

I've already played the game through once, and I'm itching to do it again. You get to solve puzzles and kill things with "toys" while wearing pretty, pretty dresses! People, you get to fight evil teapots.

Bitchy McGee

2011-06-30T10:06:00.000-04:00

Due to overwork and tiredness and too much stimulation in the last few weeks, I was probably headed down the path to a bit of recharge time anyway, but my roommate's douchey note pushed me right over the edge just a tiny bit faster. Truth be told, there is something so contrarily satisfying about hunkering down in my dark room, all grumpy and alone, when it's sunny and gorgeous outside.

Last night I even filled up a bowl with ice and put some beers in it, so that I could have the beers right next to me in my room, and I wouldn't have to come downstairs and encounter people in the kitchen.

Already I'm feeling much better about the world. This is good, because tonight I plan on going down to the harbor for Lowest of the Low, and then after tomorrow's workday I have a four-day weekend! Which sounds relaxing, but it will be filled with children and screaming.

Dun Dun DUN!!!

2011-06-28T11:01:00.000-04:00

Last week was my yearly crazy week at work, with early bedtimes, early work times, and WAY TOO MUCH freaking out (not by me, but sort of at me, or in my general direction). It all culminated in a huge event on Saturday, and then... the exhaustion of a job well done.

I might still be exhausted, or maybe I'm PMS-ing, but I have been a bit of a thundercunt since yesterday.

I came home to a really bitchy note from a new roommate about how I don't clean up after my cats enough. This because Zelda had the audacity to vomit in the hallway while I was at work yesterday - apparently I'm supposed to come home from work regularly to check to make sure that everything is vomit-free, because HEAVEN FORBID I wait until I'm actually home to clean up the messes... the messes that I don't know about until I get home. I've tried different medicines with Zelda, and she won't take them - she is a cat with a nervous stomach. So I do my best to clean up the messes that she makes. Seriously, for every Zelda vomit that my roommates have to walk around (while I am working or away from the house, like an evil bitch), I clean up about 30 messes. I do a patrol in the morning before I go to work, and I look around at night too. I may miss some spots in out-of-the-way places, but it's not like I see messes and then ignore them willfully for weeks on end.

Oh, and he also said that the kitchen is "covered in fur," and he is sick of cleaning it up. Covered in fur? Exaggerate much? ...I have seen no evidence of this alleged cleaning - things don't get cleaned unless I clean them. Nothing gets vacuumed or dusted or sanitized unless it's me doing it, so BITCH, PLEASE to that statement. How can you clean anything when we are out of paper towels because I'm the ONLY ONE THAT EVER BUYS THEM?!? Also, I'm the only one who buys toilet paper, though I'm obviously not the only one who uses it. Though someone did buy a Swiffer and place it (unopened, unused) in the corner of the kitchen. So way to go with that "effort," fuckwad.

I fired off a bitchy note of my own, that I was doing my best but would try to do better, and maybe he could stop leaving food messes on the counter and in the sink so much? And maybe he could stop parking his tiny fucking car so that it takes up two spots on our very crowded street? Then I decided to be an adult and take the note down. I completely nullified my adult-ness, though, when I came downstairs to get ready for bed last night. New roomie saw me from the kitchen and waved and smiled like he hadn't bitched out earlier. I glared at him and stalked into the bathroom, without saying a word. I am not very mature, but it sure did feel good.

You do not get to write me a seriously bitchy, unfair note and then act like we're friends. No, you don't.

Kick-start my rockin' rollin' heart

2011-06-02T13:10:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to attend a CAKE show at ArtPark, and my friends and I had really good seats. We bought the tickets way back in January, and I seriously thought that the show would never get here, but then BOOM, it was time!

The lead singer, John McCrea, brought the sex, and he waved the sex around in my general direction. The sex, and the vibraslap.

Slap that!

Well, I'm sure he was waving both around in everyone's direction, because he's a sharing kind of guy (they gave away an apple tree to an audience member!). But I got hit full-force in the loins.

Yes, the CAKE show was all about brains and loins. And random frat-types drinking like fish, for some reason - who can afford to drink like that? There was a lot of randomness in the crowd, and there was a bit of douchiness from John McCrea, which I enjoyed immensely. An example: some drunken audience member kept yelling for "Going the Distance," until Mr. McCrea snapped, "We're not playing that!" Later there was an intermission, and audience members had plenty of time to get back to their seats before the band started, but of course bros and their dates were bro-ing it up outside, loading up on expensive, crappy beer, and at least half of the audience hadn't returned when the band came back. And so, of course, CAKE immediately played "Going the Distance," apparently to fuck with all of the people who weren't showing proper respect.

I loved it.

Last night, I was lucky enough to see Jimmy Eat World at the Town Ballroom. "Bleed American" was the soundtrack of my 23rd year, which was a good year, and I have followed the band since. And where the CAKE show was all brains and loins for me, the Jimmy Eat World show went straight for my heart. They are considered the founders of Emo-core, after all (and no, I don't care if I spelled or punctuated that right).

I started the night off with two rum and cokes, which Julia said I should call "Julians":


"It's MY drink, I brought it from home!"

Civil Twilight was the opening band, and I quite enjoyed them. I remember hearing their latest album on NPR last year, and I listened to the song "Letters From the Sky" over and over again. They also did a really strong cover of Massive Attack's "Teardrop." After the concert, I bought the latest album on iTunes (I meant to last year, but NPR lets you listen to so many great albums before their release, it's easy to overlook an album that you loved when it's buyin' time).

And then Jimmy Eat World came on and played ALL of "Bleed American" for the album's 10-year anniversary. HECK YES! Needless to say, we all went pretty wild. I am more of a head-bopper than a sing-along type, but I was screaming with everybody else when they did "Sweetness."

And then they had a short break and played some more songs, and it was such a good time! Even when their songs are angry or pleading or kind of douchey, there is a joy behind it all that is very infectious. Indeed, I had some superfans in front of me that were freaking out the whole time (though I couldn't see them myself, I was told that the guy directly in front of me was making fantastic faces).

The band worked their ASSES off and were obviously having fun:


That is one sweaty shirt

I went home with aching feet and and a happy heart-brain situation.

relaxing

2011-05-31T11:24:00.000-04:00

What I wouldn't give for a place to hang a hammock, and the time to relax in the hammock. It sounds so magical... but I live in a house with no backyard, and our trees in the front are right on the street (nothing like hearing someone speed by in their car for relaxation). Also, I'm pretty certain that I would not get left alone by all of the random people who walk up and down my street if I were in a hammock, out in plain view. Just sitting on the porch, I feel like I'm some sort of zoo animal, there to be stared at. Not because I'm SO BEAUTIFUL, but because a lot of people walk up and down my street, and they all have staring problems. I have a hard time relaxing when I can feel eyes on me.

But I would so love to have a hammock right now...

I had a lovely long weekend, full of sun and heat and thunderstorms and nieces and nephews running around like crazy. Also, a ton of gaming, to get out my natural aggressions (Resident Evil 5 is quite good).

Western New York has had a ton of rainfall this spring, and it was reflected in the length and thickness of the greenery in mom's backyard. (Before you ask, no, she does not have the proper tree set-up for a hammock.) Even though I grew up mowing a huge lawn and HATED IT SO MUCH, OH MY GOD, I started to get excited about mowing. It has been years since I used a lawnmower, and I kind of missed it. I wanted to mow so badly! Since it was so sunny on Sunday, I ran right outside and mowed. The lawnmower kept jamming up and stalling because of the mixture of mud and unbelievably thick grass, and I was hot and sweaty, and I had to stop at one point to save a toad. And I loved it. I especially loved when I ran over some mint and some wild leeks - it smelled like a fancy dinner out there.

ROY! the dog was outside for some of it, but he kept acting like the lawnmower was a toy, one that he had to rush and bark at, so he went back inside.

Oh, I also read and enjoyed Tina Fey's book "Bossypants" - not while mowing the lawn, but throughout the weekend, when I could sneak some reading in. I did, in fact, laugh out loud several times. And then I killed some zombies and monsters.

I got a little walk in with Owen - of course, I could have gone on for another mile or two, but he's 5, and his legs got so tired... he made a good effort though, and I like how into walking he is.

I also walked Floyd a little bit, mostly in the backyard. Otherwise, he spent the weekend laying around and staring at the dog.

All in all, a lovely (hot, sweaty) long weekend. And I have a short week of work, a Jimmy Eat World concert tomorrow ("Sweetness" was THE song of my 23rd year), and the Greek Festival and Gay Pride this weekend!

It is supposed to be 90 degrees tomorrow.

if you're into what I'm into

2011-05-19T21:42:00.001-04:00

I have a fondness, a weakness for sad, beautiful "horror" movies. It started with the gorgeous and exceedingly strange "Neither The Sand Nor The Sea," also known as "The Exorcism of Hugh."

sweethearts

The film tells the story of an unhappy wife who runs away from her marriage and falls in love with a stranger, only to have him die suddenly... but death is not the end of their love (WHOA). The film isn't terribly scary, but it is atmospheric and haunting. I watched this several years ago, and I think about it often.

And then there is "The Orphanage," which did scare me quite a bit, even though I watched it in a bright, sunny room, last fall.

creepy, yes?

It had its scares, and it had its mysteries, all set in a gorgeous old, huge house. But then the ending came at me out of nowhere, and I found myself sobbing openly. Such a good film. And, of course, they're remaking it, American-style.

Tonight I watched "The Eclipse," which is another astonishingly beautiful, sad "horror" film, a sort of ghost story. Ciaran Hinds plays a widower who suddenly starts experiencing very strange goings-on.

strange goings-on

These odd occurrences start happening just as he meets a woman who writes about ghosts, played by Iben Hjejle.

more strange goings-on

There are hauntings, and there are scares, but there are also strong human interactions, and it is these interactions that make the movie for me. Also, I adore Ciaran Hinds. And it is all filmed in a beautiful seaside Irish town.

I highly recommend it.

DREAMS

2011-05-05T11:07:00.001-04:00

I have been having really messed up, stressful, crazy-making dreams lately. I don't know if it's because work is getting busier, or if there is a bed spring poking me in a weird place, or what. But I would like more restful dreams, please!

In one dream, I was moving into a dorm room at my old college, and I was about to start studying for my law degree (DO NOT WANT). And, of course, I had somehow missed half a semester and felt at times that I had actually never gotten my admittance letter, so was I supposed to be there at all? That was nice and stressful.

In another dream, I was watching as a shadowy-powerful evil guy had a ton of Buffy the Vampire Slayer clones killed so that he could find Buffy's weaknesses. All of the deaths were pretty horrific, but the one I remember most involved a Buffy clone having a nightmare; she bolted upright when she woke up, and then when she laid back down, a yelling guy came out and buried a knife in her chest.

This morning I had another "Holy shit, I'm in college again and I don't like it" dream, followed by a dream in which I made out with this guy:

Saw whaaaaaaat?

That is Nick Searcy, a well-respected character actor. And actually, that dream wasn't stressful at all. He was a good kisser.

the cure for what ails me

2011-05-03T14:10:00.000-04:00

People are complaining about the large amount of rain in Western New York, but I can't say that I'm terribly upset. I feel run-down and messed up (more on this later), so I'm happy to have a decent reason to stay indoors.

Although I am upset that I didn't get to plant some bulbs I have over the weekend. And, after quite a nice outing on Saturday, I haven't been able to walk Floyd since then.

I love the contrast of bright green new leaves against dark, wet asphalt and a gray sky. Soon enough, I'll feel like I have to be outdoors every day, frolicking in the late afternoon sunshine or whatever, but for now, I am happy to stay indoors and look out every once in a while at the rain.

Run-down and messed up - over the winter, I started to get tension headaches a lot. Pain would begin at the top of my head, go down the sides of my neck and deep into my shoulders. I can come up with about 150 reasons for this relatively recent pain, but none of the reasons make total sense. For instance, even though caffeine doesn't affect me in a positive way, it can affect me in a negative way - say, if I don't drink it over the weekend. That can cause headaches, but I also get headaches on days when I drink coffee. And sleeping badly, or in some sort of contorted shape, can make me ache, but usually this affects my back, sometimes a knee or two. Also, I've sort of circled back to the idea of my glasses, which I got in November, pinching a nerve... except that that would cause me to get a headache every time I wear them. And I got a headache yesterday when I wasn't wearing them.

I've also noticed, when I lay down to sleep, that I have a hard time making my neck and upper back muscles relax. Even when I feel like I am completely relaxed, those muscles will be jittery with tension, and I don't get it. I have to relax them several times before I finally go to sleep. I don't feel tense in the brain; I don't feel anxious at all! But if someone were to base their assessment of my nervousness or anxiety on that group of muscles in my neck and shoulders, they might think I lived in a war zone.

So, I know that the logical thing would be to go to the doctor and be all, "WHAT'S UP?" But I think first I'll try a mix of being lazy and drinking more alcohol.

le sigh

2011-05-01T21:02:00.000-04:00

I have had such a relaxing Sunday. I slept way in - I actually went to bed with rather a bad headache last night, and I was asleep by 11 PM. I woke up around 7:30 this morning, but I just couldn't commit to being awake that early on a Sunday. So I read magazines in bed (just a bit of the curtain open, so as not to disturb the sleeping Floyd near my feet), and then I dozed until 11 AM.

I rolled out of bed, feeling mighty well-rested, and then I brushed my teeth and washed my face and got dressed in the schlubbiest, most comfortable clothes I could find. I was going to plant some bulbs in the front garden, but it rained pretty much all day. Instead, I read more magazines, drank a ton of jasmine green tea, and then watched some movies.

I just finished "Shoot 'Em Up," which should have the secondary title "100 Ways to Kill Bad Guys With Carrots."

Floyd walking on his leash

2011-04-25T21:23:00.000-04:00

Roy was upset that he had to stay indoors.

At first Floyd didn't want to move.

But he did want to sniff.

And hang out with me.

Then he started to get more brave.

He especially liked the space under the side porch.

...and the trees.

...and the fences.

At the end, Floyd didn't want to come back inside.

Spring rain and cats on leashes

2011-04-19T13:55:00.000-04:00

What I wouldn’t give for some warm spring showers! Stomping through the puddles, holding my bright umbrella, or listening to the rain while I sip some tea and read a book. Instead, we get more snow. Western New York at its most ornery. Indeed, the more sandals I order, the more it snows. Perhaps I should stop buying sandals and open-toed shoes for the time being.

SO. I have decided to leash-train my cat. I actually was quite jazzed about this idea a few months ago, but then I forgot, as I am wont to do sometimes.

Then, a few weeks ago, the urge to JUST DO THIS hit me hard, and before I knew it, I had spent $40 on the necessary supplies, including shipping. After the minor hiccup of the stuff not showing up with UPS saying that it was delivered (why does this keep happening to me?), I finally got the harness and the leash and the new collar and the new "Floyd" tag last week. In hindsight, it should have read, "FLOYD!"

I read a few informational websites about training cats on leashes, and I chuckled every time I came across the line that basically said, "Dude, no matter how much training you do, your cat might thwart your walking attempts for forever!" Because, yeah, I'm sure it's true.

But I'm also sure that Floyd will do this.

I thought it was pretty great that as soon as I got all of the stuff, I saw a guy walking a Siamese cat on Elmwood Ave. In hindsight, I should have asked the guy for some leash-training tips, but at the time, it just seemed like a total sign from the universe that Floyd needed to walk on a leash.

I have been starting slowly, getting Floyd used to the harness, which he has worn twice now. The first time he tried to moonwalk out of it, which was very amusing. A little later, he jumped into my lap to cuddle, so he obviously bears me no ill will. The second time, I showed him the harness, and he came running right over to it. And then he wore it for a few hours with no weirdness. Success!

I know that getting him used to the harness is the easy part - Floyd is a cat who enjoys a collar, and maybe he thinks that the harness is a fancier, more involved collar. But I also think that his absurdly strong devotion to me will help with the leash part. Why, just yesterday I was sitting on my bed, filing my nails, and Floyd climbed up onto my back - WITHOUT USING HIS CLAWS ONCE!! - and then stretched out across my shoulders. He purred in my ear, even. Yup, that cat sure does love me.

And where love fails, I bet the judicious use of ham will succeed.

the randoms and a rant

2011-04-06T20:58:00.000-04:00

I have a new obsession.

Though I have long enjoyed the idea of stirring up fruit from the bottom of a cup of yogurt, I hate yogurt. HATE IT. And yet, yesterday I was picking up my lunch, and I found myself standing in front of the dessert case. Of all things, I picked out a pomegranate greek yogurt. Not only did I finally get to stir up the fruit, I loved the yogurt! It is thicker and less tart than the kind of yogurt my mom buys. Yoplait, or whatever.

Greek yogurt. Yum-yummy.

*~*~*~*~*

IT IS STILL SNOWING. I AM NOT INTO IT. I WANT TO WEAR MY DAMN SANDALS!

*~*~*~*~*

Peekin' Governess

I have been so excited to see the new "Jane Eyre." It opened in limited release (which never includes Buffalo) on March 11, and since then I've been checking almost daily to see if it's in Buffalo yet.

This weekend, it will be. Mia Wasikowski, being all bookish! Michael Fassbender, being all broody and rich! I'm so there.

Huntin' Badass

And then we have "Hanna," about a teenage assassin on her first mission. I enjoy Joe Wright's work. "Pride and Prejudice" is one of my go-to Sunday movies (also, even though I own it, I have to watch it whenever I find it on TV). And I loved "Atonement" and enjoy Saoirse Ronan. It was definitely not her fault that "The Lovely Bones" sucked hard.

I will be going to see this movie this weekend too. Movie weekend!

*~*~*~*~*

And now a vague, passive-aggressive rant. I don't know what it is about me; if people like me, that "like" might span the spectrum from very mild affection to adoration. But if people dislike me, they downright HATE me. No spectrum, just straight to hatred. I seem to inspire pretty strong feelings in people who don't like me.

I don't know what I did exactly to make one person dislike me, except that I didn't let them push me around. But lately I've had to deal with some bullshit, and I was about ready to hulk out this morning. (I managed to calm down though.) I seriously don't understand people who go around looking for trouble, people who can't mind their own business and go about their own lives. Miserable people.

I actually don't care why people don't like me, but I sure do wish they'd leave me alone.

Hey, vague, passive-aggressive rants sure do make me feel better! And isn't this what the internet is for?

the island

2011-03-29T21:47:00.001-04:00

I don't have cable. I only got that wave-box thing for my TV last spring, and it took me at least two months to finally take the thing out of its box and hook it up to the TV and make sure it worked. I tell you this so that I don't blow your mind here. I tell you this to emphatically point out that I am way outside the TV loop. And then I follow with:

I have finally gotten on the "Lost" bandwagon. Yes, I know a lot of what's coming, I know the ending, and I have heard all of the disappointments, but still, I am excited. I have just finished season 3, and I am excited.

What I am in the mood (wink, wink) to discuss today is my love for my two favorite characters right now, John Locke and Ben Linus.

I have enjoyed Terry O'Quinn's work and face and smile and eyes for a long time. I think "Young Guns" was the first movie I noticed him in.

I've always had a soft spot for him; I would see him in things and think, "I like that guy."

But it was only when I saw him as John Locke on "Lost," with the dusty clothing (almost all in the brown color family) and the eye scar, the anger that is always so close to the surface under the wise smile, that flicker of crazy... it was only then that I thought, "Whoa. I'd like me some of THAT."

Is it me, or does he look shorter in the flashbacks, when he has that weird reddish-brown hair?

Anyway...

Oh, the knife throwing! I really enjoy the knife-throwing. I like his knife-throwing pose a lot. In fact, on the DVD special features, there is a little featurette in which Terry O'Quinn showcases his knife-throwing skills - it is pretty sweet.

I was all:

Goddamn, I enjoy John Locke.

And then we have Ben Linus, played by Michael Emerson. I can honestly say that I've never seen this dude before I started watching "Lost," although I knew that he is married to Carrie Preston, who plays my least favorite character on True Blood, Arlene.

Isn't she annoying? So righteous and judgmental and mean (she is much worse in the books, though, so I guess there's that).

I do like Carrie Preston. But Arlene pisses me off. I guess that makes Ms. Preston a pretty good actor.

And they seem happy together. And she looks much better blonde.

Um. Anyway, about Ben Linus. Cool, calculating, cunning, charismatic, charming in his own odd way. How could I not adore him? All evil and devious and manipulative. Love, love, love.

I didn't fully start to enjoy Benjamin Linus until John Locke came to the Barracks and started interacting with him. They both share messianic qualities, a sureness of purpose, a tendency to keep things pretty close to the vest, a sort of commanding air. That crazy glint that surfaces when they're challenged. The way they played off of each other, the way they distrusted each other, the way John Locke was so hopeful and Ben Linus was so jealous. When they finally got openly hostile, I couldn't contain myself anymore. I started yelling at the screen, "JUST SMOOCH ALREADY AND GET IT OVER WITH!"

Obviously I am not the only internet denizen who thought so.

Wait, one more:

NOW I'm done.

P.S. Jack and Kate annoy the flying fuck out of me, so don't expect to see them here anytime soon. Yeeeeech.

Don't let it bring you down

2011-03-24T10:05:00.000-04:00

Now is the time when I exercise my annual right as a Western New York Snow Lover to say, "Fuck snow!" I am done with it for the year. Yesterday I woke up and was dismayed to see the world white again, after several weeks of green and relative warmth. I just bought new sandals and peep-toe shoes, and I want to wear them without coming into contact with any snow! Oh, and short skirts without tights! Sleeveless shirts without cardigans over them!

As much as I do enjoy my wintertime, there is a time for winter to end.

*~*~*~*

And yes, I realize that there are much bigger, more crucial things going on than my snow aversion. I have been paying attention to all of the unrest and revolutions, the bombings in Libya, the ever-eroding rights of women to choose in the US. The earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I am paying attention to these things, even if I don't feel able to offer any sort of deep analysis, and so many other people say and do so many brilliant things to help that often all I can do is get starry-eyed at their brilliance and nod my head and donate to help the cause. (In other news, I am giving more to various charities.)

You're not going to hear any end-of-the-world insanity from me. Instead, I like to focus on stories like this, about a man who scuba-dived into the tsunami to save his family.

*~*~*~*

And again I bring up my little effort to help the world. This year I am participating in the Ride for Roswell, a huge bicycling event that helps to raise money for cancer research at Roswell Park Cancer Institute. If you are feeling generous, you can donate to my ride on my page. I would certainly appreciate it, and I can vouch for the good work that RPCI does.

the fog comes

2011-03-16T14:06:00.000-04:00

It is foggy like the English moors outside, and I want to be outside in it, roaming around. One of my favorite moments on my flight to Washington, D.C. last fall was on the first leg of my journey, when I was on a tiny plane going from Buffalo to NYC. It was a sunny October morning, and the plane was quite low. When I looked down, I could see huge, swirling patches of fog throughout central New York, and I wondered what it looked like IN the fog. It was so pretty from above, and I didn't expect the fog to look quite so solid, with very definite edges.

I've been thinking about how I rarely experience fog anymore, except while driving. When I was little, I remember running around in the fog, loving how weird and mysterious it felt. It has occurred to me that I can pull my car over and run around in the fog then, but it just doesn't seem the same.

Hopefully the fog sticks around for my walk home, so that I can feel all nostalgic.

~*~*~*~*~

My friend Kelly has moved from Atlanta to Montreal (I'm kind of jealous, but only a little). Until I can visit, hopefully this summer, I've decided that I'm going to send her some sort of care package. I've been collecting some odd things to put in there, and I'll collect some more, and maybe make a mixed CD or two. I love a project!

*~*~*~*~*

This year I am participating in the Ride for Roswell, a huge bicycling event that helps to raise money for cancer research at Roswell Park Cancer Institute. If you are feeling generous, you can donate to my ride on my page. I would certainly appreciate it, and I can vouch for the good work that RPCI does.

And with that, I'm out... for now.

born to be loved

2011-02-25T13:32:00.000-05:00

I have this recurring dream of a huge, rambling, nook-filled house. It started out being haunted, dusty, old, terrifying, but even in my fear, I began to look around and imagine that the house was my house. And, dream after dream, it became my house, and I was always filled with a sense of wonder at it being mine.

Last night my dream began in my house. My room was all set up and gorgeous, but my sister and my mother (who would apparently be living with me - HUGE house) had either not bothered finishing their sections of the house, or had abandoned the project. I was walking around the house, looking at the mess with curiosity, when a gray and white sheepdog/mutt came running up to me. He had gotten in some way or another, and not long after I started petting him, a very young man came running up to me, looking for the dog.

And he was a very young man, maybe 23 or 24. But he was also fairly attractive and had a sort of nerdy confidence that I liked. We started making moony-eyes at each other. A bunch of his friends showed up (the geeky, awesome, eclectic sort of friends that I had in college), and we decided to go on a drive. Oh, and more cute, friendly dogs appeared.

The guy and I did nothing more but hold hands, but I had the best fluttery-excited feeling inside, the way that I used to feel when I had crushes in college. And I kept waiting for him to ask my age, but we were in such a cute little bubble that I knew it didn't really matter. It was a good dream to wake up from.

And I still don't want to date anyone right now.

FOXY!

2011-02-17T15:57:00.000-05:00

I feel very fabulous today.

For one, though I love winter, I also ADORE the February thaw. It is nice to have a little break from winter when you live in Buffalo, and since the February thaw happens every year, it feels like tradition to me, kind of nostalgic. And so it is warmer, and I can smell the cereal smell wafting on the wind from the General Mills factory downtown. These things make me happy.

For another, I enjoy the hell out of my outfit today. I am wearing a sapphire blue dress with a crossover neckline and billowy long sleeves, with a long gray sweater vest and knee-high high-heeled brown boots. With my hair up and a silver necklace with a flower and a tiger-eye pendant. I feel foxy, like I'm swinging around a 1970s newsroom instead of sitting in my cubicle in the 2010s.

After work, I am going to go to the coffee shop for some relaxing people-watching, and then I'm going to do some errands with flair! Because today is awesome.

teenage bitchy thing

2011-02-14T14:52:00.000-05:00

Right now I really, sincerely, very much feel like the bitchy teenager I used to be. Like nothing can please me, like no one should be able to open their mouths, because I do not want to hear it. Total brat, I know.

Although, now that I think of it, I did have reasons for being so bitchy as a teenager. Like one day when my skin wasn't acting up so much, and some guy in my class came up to me and said something to the effect of, "Wow, your skin doesn't look so bad, did you finally buy some Clearasil?" And instead of the "FUCK OFF, DOUCHE BAG!" response that such a comment would surely elicit from me today, I was all, "Aw, thanks!" ...It was only later that night that I went, "Wait, WHAT did he say to me? I should have kicked him in the crotch!"

Of course, I was more angry at myself for being so eager for any sort of compliment that I would take one that was really much more of a slap to the face, from an asshole whose opinion I really shouldn't have care about at all.

Maybe I don't have any good reasons to be so annoyed or bitchy today (my skin has definitely improved with age, and people don't usually dare to be quite so rude to my face, etc., etc.), but I am reveling in my bad mood. I am cackling internally. I imagine that this is how soap actors might feel when playing their main characters' evil twins.

I can't wait to go home and write slightly unfair things in my journal, while moping. I suspect that I'm far too gleeful about the idea of doing this teenage bitchy thing to do it correctly.

TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD!

2011-02-09T15:13:00.000-05:00

How about I tell you something good?

I will tell you this:
My mama is going on Medicare in May, which means that she may finally be on the road to getting her hips fixed! Yes, after years of basically getting dicked around (I seriously can't think of a better phrase) by her employer, her doctor (before she got a better doctor), the entire system, my mama is finally getting on the train to NoPainsville.

Granted, it will still be a long journey. But there is hope that one day kind of soon-ish MAYBE, my mama can step away from the cane and the walker.

*~*~*~*

I have been fighting some sort of vague and evil sickness since Monday. Yesterday I took a sick day, and one of the things I did while laying on the couch in the family room was read this incredibly long and creepy-chilling article on Scientology from the New Yorker.

Though I am agnostic and have a hard time with the concept of Faith, I try to be respectful of other people's beliefs. But the Church of Scientology has always been a cult in my opinion. I cannot understand why people would believe what Scientologists believe. I'm so glad that Paul Haggis stepped forward and spoke out against the shadowy organization, after being a member for 35 years. And I will be on the lookout for any scandal involving Paul Haggis from now on - he comes right out and says that the Scientologists will probably be setting him up for some catastrophic fall within the next 2 years. I have no doubt that the Church of Scientology is capable of doing quite awful things, and is quite willing to do them if they feel they're being threatened.

nightmares

2011-01-26T20:30:00.001-05:00

I was having a mundane dream the other night. I can’t even tell you what was going on, except that I was in a hotel and there was a lot of hustle and bustle. Possibly some thoughts about which room was mine, or about checking out. The usual “where am I going?” feeling.

Oh, a flash of memory – the dream began as a slow-pitch softball game. A woman I don’t like was the pitcher, and she cheated and said that I struck out when I had done no such thing.

HUMPF.

Anyway, the softball dream morphed into a boring/confusing hotel dream, and then I was suddenly terrified.

The worst part of nightmares is that your brain creates the nightmares. It will create the things that terrify you or disgust you the most, and you are defenseless against it. It IS you. For instance, before I began killing them in video games, I was terrified of zombies. Well, I’m still scared of zombies. So the majority of my dreams over the years have been filled with zombies, including my all-time worst nightmare ever.

And while I can honestly say that I have not been scared by a Friday the 13th movie for many, many years, I was almost immobile with terror when I realized in my most recent nightmare that Jason Voorhees was coming to get me. I had that bad moment when I couldn’t decide where to go or what to do, all the while knowing that he can’t be stopped or killed. I even had the thought, “I’m not telekinetic! How am I supposed to fight him as I am?”

Then I turned around, and Jason was there, just on the other side of a thick glass door. Huge and menacing and ready to kill me.

Of course there was nowhere for me to go except into the bedroom and out the window, even though I was on the 20th floor, or maybe higher. I knew that the thick glass wouldn’t hold him for long. I wondered whether it would be better to be macheted to death, or whether I’d rather die of fright if I slipped and fell when I went out the window.

I woke up in a dark bedroom where I could hardly see, and I was convinced that I was going to die.

Thanks, brain.

What good sleep does for me

2011-01-24T09:17:00.000-05:00

Last night I got home from my mother's rather early (for me). I went to bed, fell right asleep, and slept through the night.

I do not feel like myself today.

In fact, I got halfway through my walk to work before I realized that I had forgotten my purse at home. And I rarely forget things, and I have NEVER forgotten my purse before! Apparently being tired and running around grumbling about gremlins who ruin my mornings is the only way I can function and do everything properly. (The gremlins are what make mornings awful for me - bra straps break as I'm walking out the front door, buttons pop off of cardigans, shoelaces break at the worst possible time - you get the idea.)

Anyway, I was halfway through my 5-minute walk to work this morning, and I stopped and debated whether I would actually need my purse or not. Since it is -10 degrees outside - NOT an exaggeration - I decided I could live without the purse for a day.

At least I'm well-rested.

on financial adulthood

2011-01-11T12:09:00.000-05:00

I don't really make New Year's resolutions, so I would like you to understand that this entry doesn't really have a lot to do with the beginning of the calendar year. The timing of this is really just a coincidence.

This morning I went through my credit reports, which I have been doing every year for the past 4 or 5 years. I was pleasantly surprised to see that things are starting to look up.

I have always been pretty bad about money - bad credit, nothing saved for a rainy day; you know this story. I ran up what was, to me, a lot of debt in my early 20s. I did it quite blithely, convinced (as many others have been and will continue to be) that I would get some fabulous, fun-filled and well-paying job that would allow me to pay off all of my debt very quickly and painlessly.

If you all know my job history, or even parts of it, you can guess pretty easily that this didn't happen.

And I had no tools to deal with my impending financial meltdown. Somehow panic attacks and "duck and cover" did not help! I can tell you that I handled it all very badly and not at all calmly. I halfheartedly tried to work with credit card companies, debt consolidation firms and collection agencies. When I met with the slightest resistance (and I did encounter a LOT of straight-up jerks who only wanted to yell at me), I ducked and covered some more.

I haven't used a credit card since 2002 or 2003.

After years of considering bankruptcy, and all of the research that I did during my considering, I feel like I now have a better understanding of HOW THINGS ARE. I wish I had handled things differently in the past, but I feel like I'm ready to start building on the present.

My car is paid off, and my phone is month-to-month. I think that I'm ready to start rebuilding my credit, and I hope that I can maturely handle this task. I have a good job, and I'm fairly compensated, and I am used to spending what I can afford to spend.

We'll see how this goes.

Snow and Arty Pretentiousness

2011-01-07T13:19:00.000-05:00

I realize that I am inviting some sort of insane, winter-related bad luck and schadenfreude aimed my way by typing this, but I feel like I am sailing through this winter beautifully. Very little slipping, no falling, plenty of walking, and for the most part, the cold has been refreshing, not painful. No chills, only one head cold so far. A lot of cuddling with Floyd, a lot of tea, a lot of reading.

Even my elderly car, whose “Service Engine Soon” light usually comes on in late November and stays on until late March, has decided to go with the flow. No “DANGER!” lights, no knocking (other than the usual).

And, so far, the perfect amount of snow in the city. Nothing huge and unmanageable, just enough to remind you that yes, it is winter in Buffalo. Just enough to keep it pretty.

Well, I am feeling all arty and pretentious. I am thinking about writing some angsty poetry and then incorporating it into an angsty pencil drawing. You know how I do.

the round-up

2011-01-03T12:25:00.001-05:00

I was catching up on my Mimi Smartypants a few days ago, and she shared a link to a blog entry about all of the dead bodies that are on Mount Everest, bodies which can't be retrieved. This, to me, is unbelievably freaky and morbid, and I can tell that it's going to haunt me for a while. There is no gore, but there are pictures of some of the bodies here, if you're interested. Good writing, too.

They named a cavern after someone who died there in 1996! (No, I don't know who "they" are. I don't think I want to.)

I think it's crazy to be willing to die for sport or accomplishment, so I don't understand the need to reach the summit of a mountain, let alone a mountain that has claimed so many lives (and Mount Everest isn't even the most deadly of the high peaks). And yet there is a certain sick poetic quality to some of the imagery the blog entry brings up - a rainbow of down coats on dead bodies visible in the snow, a dead woman sitting upright, in full view of all climbers for years, her brown hair blowing in the wind.

I am going to have nightmares tonight.

*~*~*~*

My holidays were fun and varied, and I got a lot of cute things, including two new purses and some pretty things for the home. My gifts were well-received, which makes me happy.

And I had a fun New Year's - I went to a house party in the neighborhood. I have always wanted to see the inside of that house! And one of the owners had a tortoise, which I loved.

*~*~*~*

My gym has closed. I should be more upset, maybe, but I hadn't been there since July anyway... I don't think that the gym culture is for me. I would much rather stick to long walks and free weights, and the occasional bouts of crunches and push-ups while I'm watching TV. Maybe someday I'll invest in a treadmill, but otherwise, I won't miss the gym. At all.

*~*~*~*

I am loving WINTER. We had a few days of very warm weather this weekend, during which all of the beautiful snow disappeared, and I was so happy to see the snow falling yesterday.

But the one thing I really, truly hate about winter is the amount of electrical shocks I get, from anything that can conduct even the tiniest amount of electricity. For instance, I just got a shock when I stuck my hand under running water. Not cool.

*~*~*~*

I saw "Black Swan" yesterday. I suck at insightful reviews, but it was such a good movie, and so bizarre and inventive. I guess what I am giving is a glowing endorsement.

2010-12-18T14:59:00.000-05:00

I feel like I never mentioned the awesome vintage Samsonite train case I got a few months ago.

I was , of course, tempted to go with the ubiquitous aqua, but this blue spoke to me. It is lovely, and in very good condition, and it holds all of my make-up (not a small feat). Before this, I had a "train case" from Caboodles - the outside was nice and sturdy, but the inside was all cardboard. The inside of the lovely Samsonite train case is a lovely, pearly ivory plastic, which won't tear and dump my lip glosses into my eye shadows. No more Caboodles for me!

I also may not have mentioned the little purple owl figurine I bought at the Music is Art Festival this summer. He means business, and so of course I took him to work and put him on my computer. He glares at me, sometimes smiles at me, while I do what I do. I named him Julius. This is Mealy Monster's Etsy site - Mealy Monster Land. I kind of wish I could afford to buy all of her stuff.

At least a zombie or two.

*~*~*~*~*

I know that the holiday season isn't supposed to be just about the gifts, but I love giving. I really enjoy thinking about what someone will like, and while I don't spend a lot of money, I do put in a lot of effort. I did all of my online shopping in the first week of December, to make sure that everything got here on time, and I have been frustrated at every turn.

The US Postal Service held on to two packages, even after I asked them TWICE to redeliver, and mis-sent a third package to who knows where... which, of course, delayed my receiving it.

DHL had no tracking information at all for one package, just a note on their site saying that they were having problems tracking "several" domestic packages (I'm assuming that means ALL domestic packages).

One company didn't even bother sending out my package. I sent a friendly e-mail asking if it had been shipped, and they immediately issued me a refund. I ordered the same item from Amazon.com and paid extra for two-day shipping. UPS said that the package was delivered to the "side door" on Thursday, so I came home all excited... and found nothing. We have a lot of snow lying around, and I could easily see that no one had been near the side door - no footprints.

I looked at the UPS website, and the best I could do was claim the value of the item, and then MAYBE I might receive a payment for it in 10 days. I contacted Amazon, and they said that sometimes the shipper will mark a package as delivered when it is nowhere near ready to be delivered.

I think I got the package today - apparently two-day shipping will actually take four days.

I know, these are total first-world country problems, and I am now that annoying chick who doesn't know how good she has it, being able to shop online for frivolous things in the first place. But I have been so stressed out and frustrated over this! At one point, I seriously thought that I'd have to tell almost everybody I was buying for that one of their presents hadn't arrived.

And still, I am ready to celebrate the holidays with my family. I have more shopping to do on Tuesday, and then the wrapping, and then I'm heading down to Familyland on Wednesday night. Izaak is turning 11 on Friday (ELEVEN, I can't believe it!), and then we're in the thick of it!

Can't wait.

cold

2010-12-13T20:01:00.000-05:00

It is so cold. And I am enjoying it. Yes, even as my feet turn to blocks of ice, even while I wait for my pajamas to warm up because they are freezing from my icebox of a room, even as I contemplate putting an extra comforter on my bed tonight, I am enjoying this cold.

I am enjoying the snow drifts that are piling up outside, and the wind that is driving the snow, even as it finds every hole in the house and creeps in and across my back. I am enjoying this winter in this cold, drafty house.

I like how the cold quiets down the world.

twinkle lights

2010-12-02T12:11:00.000-05:00

It seems like a good time to put the flannel sheets back on the bed.

Buffalo is pretty much closed down because of snow. It's odd, because the city itself got very little snow last night (I have maybe three inches outside my house), but the southtowns and east of us got buried. If I were at my last job, I would have had a snow day today. Now I would much rather come to work at my current job than have a snow day at my last job - the awesomeness of snow days are not enough to cancel out the crazy-making properties of that place.

We were all anxious about the weather today, so I went out last night and stocked up on soups and canned goods. I also bought myself a 3-foot Christmas tree.

I decided recently that I wasn't going to bother decorating the house for Christmas. One roommate couldn't care less, and the other roommate is a dumb ass of epic proportions, and as such, does not deserve my decorating skillz. I put up purple twinkle lights in my room and decided that that was enough for me.

We decorated my mom's house last weekend, and Izaak and Owen and I had a very good time putting the ornaments on the tree. We had to keep telling Floyd to get out of the way so that we could actually get to the tree! I have never seen a cat who liked Christmas trees so much, and I don't mean in an "ATTACK THE TREE AND BRING IT DOWN!" way. No. Floyd would never disrupt the flow of the tree; he would think it uncouth to knock off and bat around the ornaments. Floyd would rather lay under the tree and bask in its glow.

And so it was mostly for Floyd (and just a bit for me) that I bought a pre-lit 3-foot Christmas tree for the family room, and some ornaments for it. I refuse to decorate the 2nd floor, but the 3rd floor, my little haven away from the Kid, now has a twinkly little tree for Floyd to hang around. I'm not sure if he'll fit underneath the tree yet, but he was rolling around next to it while I decorated it last night.

I don't know how much snow we'll get tonight, but this is what my weekend looks like - read, drink tea, eat soup, absorb the goodness of twinkle lights. Possibly see "Black Swan."

This explains SO MUCH – The Highly Sensitive Person

2010-11-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

There I was, reading Marie Claire before bed, lusting after makeup and jewelry that was out of my price range. Then I came upon an article that actually made me sit up in bed.

It was about the Highly Sensitive Person, and of course it had a quiz attached. Usually I ignore anything with a quiz, because I don’t feel the need to be diagnosed by a magazine, but the article sounded like I was reading about myself (and I sure hope that Marie Claire credited Elaine Aron, because the quiz seems to be lifted word for word from her site).

Maybe check Aron's site out for yourself: The Highly Sensitive Person

“According to Dr. Aron's definition, the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.”

The article, and Aron’s website, describe so many problems that I’ve had, so many situations that I’ve been in – noticing things that everyone around me seems to have missed, taking any perceived slight so much to heart that I can’t stop thinking about it even YEARS after the fact, anxiety when presented with too much of anything.

I actually think that my need to shut myself up in my room on a regular basis is pretty well-documented, here on my blog. Whenever I socialize more than usual, or have a more hectic time at work than usual, my instinct is to get away to a quiet place and recuperate (‘recharge” is how I frequently put it, because I can find many things draining).

One of the things mentioned in the article is that an HSP finds it very easy to get emotional about books, TV shows, movies and music. I have actually been discussing the ease with which I cry at things, both happy and sad, that happen in a book or on a screen.

Anyway, I could go on and on about how this all seems to fit me; the point is that I think I need to check out Aron’s books. And hey, this might affect 15 to 20% of the world, so maybe you might be interested in checking the books out too.

X-mas and Floyd and the Trailer Park Boys

2010-11-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

I have started a list of Christmas gift ideas. I am in charge of my own fate! I make my destiny! (I like to be organized about such things.)

*~*~*~*

My hands have gotten dried out very quickly this year – not sure what that’s about. And this morning Floyd started licking my left hand, and I’m not sure what THAT’S about either. Maybe he likes the taste of my lotion? Either way, I’m sure that his little sandpaper tongue was doing no favors for my skin, but it was kind of precious.

Floyd has been really clingy lately. I mean, really, really clingy. If I’m next to anything he can jump on, like a chair or a table, he will jump up until he’s about waist-high to me, and THEN HE WILL TRY TO CLIMB ME. It would be kind of cute, except that cats climb using their claws.

And he’s always been kind of a lap cat, but it has reached epic proportions. As soon as I sit down, he’s on top of me. Last week I was sick with a head cold, and he was SO HAPPY that I was home for a few days and that I wasn’t doing much. I lolled around on the couch and watched movies, and he was happy to spend all day lying on top of me, purring and dozing. Every time I try to move or get up, it’s such a process getting him off of me.

The biggest change is in our sleeping habits. I like to sleep in on weekends, and lately Floyd has taken to crawling under the covers with me. He’ll go under the covers (I have to lift them up for him – otherwise he claws the crap out of everything, trying to lift the covers up himself), and then come back out a little bit, so that everything is covered except for his head. Then he lays down in the crook of my arm. It’s really like sleeping with a living teddy bear clutched at my side. It can be a bit disruptive to my sleep, though, because he likes to stretch his front paws out and run them through my hair, or down my face. Yes, sometimes with claws.

*~*~*~*

My sister and I went to see the Trailer Park Boys perform at Buff State this weekend – HIGH-larious! It was such a good time, and yes, Julian was sexy. And I hear that the Boys were fun to hang out with afterward.

My sister and I jetted back to my house and then went out to my favorite dive bar, the Pink. I think it’s the first time my sister has enjoyed the Buffalo nightlife (in my company, anyway), and it sure was interesting. Nicky is a smoker, so she kept going outside to smoke. Every time she came back inside, she had a different story to tell, from the guy who yelled at her, “Where’s the weed, sexy?,” to the guy who came up and asked her if she wanted any “nose candy.”

Oh, Buffalo, you never disappoint!

PLANES

2010-10-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

I am one of those people who is very serious about their sleep. I need my sleep, I want my sleep, I have to have my sleep!

I feel like I haven’t had a good sleep for about a month.

Most of the reasons are the usual – roommates slamming doors and stomping around, or talking very loudly at 12:30 AM, people on the street screaming about how drunk they are and how awesome that is (this only happens on weekdays, never on the weekend – go figure), my own crazy brain not letting itself power down.

BUT, since my last blog post, I have also flown on an airplane for the first time! And I went to a work conference for the first time! And I dressed like a zombie and went to the Prom of the Dead!

The airport stuff was not as bad as I’d envisioned – no one yelled at me for not knowing the rules. Indeed, my first security experience was at the Buffalo Niagara International Airport, and there wasn’t a lot going on, so it was virtually painless for me to observe what other people were doing and then follow suit.

And I! LIKE! FLYING! I suspect that I might be a little more nervous in a rainstorm or a snowstorm, especially considering that my first and last flights were on tiny little planes, but the weather was fine, and I got to have a nice, non-traumatic introduction to flying. My favorite moment was when we turned the corner and then sped up to take off, like a racehorse thundering out of the gate.

Airports, on the other hand, are totally boring. Luckily I had books. And on my way back to Buffalo, I had an entertaining coworker.

The conference itself was interesting and informative, though I felt like I didn’t get a chance to calm down. Can we say “whirlwind?”

I got home late Friday night, so happy to see Floyd and my bed, and I tried to sleep in Saturday, but it didn’t really work. Saturday night was the Prom of the Dead, which was a fundraiser for Torn Space Theater in Buffalo. SUCH a good time – Buffalo takes costumes seriously, I’ll tell you what! I so enjoy doing zombie makeup, and I had a froofy dress and heels, and a dead flower corsage.

This weekend, of course, is Halloween, my very favorite holiday. I expect to have a good time, even though I’ve noticed lately that I tend to get a little maudlin when I drink in the fall. Not sure what that’s about.

Either way, I’ll be the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland.

and whiskers on kittens

2010-10-18T20:26:00.002-04:00

Boy oh boy, I have been having trouble getting out of bed lately. In the morning my room is the perfect amount of chilly; it makes my bed seem the comfiest and coziest and most snuggly bed ever, and all I can do is bury myself and doze through several alarm clock snoozes. Floyd used to be an ally I could count on to get my bum out of bed, but now he is a total enabler. Instead of bouncing around my bed and getting into my face as soon as the alarm goes off, he now snuggles even harder, just like I do, for a few more minutes of sleep. Snooze. Snooze. Snooze.

And he’s started getting snappy at me if he feels like it’s time for bed at night, but I’m still up and around.

*~*~*~*

I enjoy the hell out of a good bath. I’ve tried taking baths at my house, but it takes so long to scrub the tub and then fill it, and even if I’ve asked my roommates in advance if they need the bathroom before I start, I feel guilty that I’m taking too long, and I end up not relaxing completely. And then Floyd will be sticking his paws under the door and waving them around, trying to get my attention. All in all, it’s not worth the trouble to try and bathe at my house.

But my mama’s house is a different story. At her house, I can take my time and not worry if anyone’s getting miffed at me. (And if the kids come barging in because they “gotta go”, I can just close the curtain – it’s amazing how much children want to chat while they’re sitting on the toilet).

I’ve started ordering Lush bath bombs and bath melts again. I love a gorgeous-smelling, moisturizing bath. This week I used the dragons egg bath bomb, which was fizzy and sparkly, and it turned the water orange and smelled all citrusy. So that was nice.

*~*~*~*

On Wednesday morning I’ll be stepping onto an airplane for the first time. I’ve been to the Buffalo airport several times while dropping people off and picking them up, so I know that layout pretty well.

True to form, I’ve been a little anxious about the traveling – not so much about crashing and dying, but about the details. I worry about doing things wrong, about not knowing the rules, about getting yelled at. In order to alleviate these anxieties, I have been researching (also true to form). I believe I won’t be too terribly surprised at this point, and so now I am getting excited! Mostly about having a hotel room to myself, but also for all of the networking.

Randoms

2010-10-12T18:11:00.002-04:00

I’m so glad Carl Paladino brought out the crazy this weekend. I hope so fervently that he has effectively killed his own campaign. Speaking as someone who is constantly trying to convince her nephews that being gay isn’t weird or wrong, that “gay” shouldn’t be used as an insult, I can’t believe that Paladino would say, “I don't want them [children] to be brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option.” Of course, Paladino was quick to say later that the press twisted his words… but how could you misinterpret that statement?

I have a few gay friends who have been supporting Paladino. I’m wondering if anyone has changed their minds after this weekend.

*~*~*~*

I had a rather lovely shopping day yesterday. I have never been to the outlet mall in Niagara Falls by myself before, but the sales were so good that I chanced it. And it was a lovely fall drive. The mall itself was a little crazy, as I expected, but I didn’t get quite as annoyed as I usually do. Instead, I worked steadily and quickly through several stores, and after a delicious chicken souvlaki, I left for home, quite satisfied with my purchases. My favorite item – Pumpkin Oxford Converse. I have wanted orange Chucks for a while, and now they are mine!

I also got a heather brown sweater dress, which I am wearing now. Flattering AND comfy. I’m in love.

*~*~*~*

Speaking of “love” (or, rather, segueing badly into a discussion about a crush I have on a fictional character), the Trailer Park Boys are coming to Buffalo on November 13^th! Yes, I am going to be able to see my beloved Julian on stage, along with Ricky and Bubbles. I am SO EXCITED. My sister and I are going to go and sister-bond over the hilarity, in pretty awesome seats.

Julian is the mayor of Sexytown.

*~*~*~*

In house news, one of my roommates has moved out, apparently under cover of darkness. No, it wasn’t the Kid, though I have hopes that maybe he and his girlfriend will move in together, away from me. No, it was the other annoying one, the scumbaggy one who was, I suspect, eating my food and using my shower stuff. Among other things.

He left his room a complete mess – dirty linens on the bed, filthy floor, dust everywhere. I know Shon won’t be terribly upset about his leaving, but he might be upset when he sees how much cleaning he’ll have to do before he can rent that room out again.

Books I've Read 2009

2010-10-11T21:37:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. This is horribly late. Expect the list of books I read in 2010 sometime around November 2011.

Books I’ve Read 2009

* indicates re-read

January

The Thirteenth Tale, Diane Setterfield – This book is genius. It is exactly how I want to be able to write – it pulls from 18^th and 19^th century literature (Jane Eyre figures prominently, but many other books are drawn from and mentioned). It is a drama, a thriller, a ghost story, a romance, all rolled into one. It is, in many ways, a love letter to books, and about how very good books can affect our lives. As an avowed and lifelong bibliophile, I can certainly relate.
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath, edited by Karen V. Kukil - Obviously, the editor didn’t cut so much as she expanded upon what Plath wrote – noting the journaling materials, noting the different people that the reader might not otherwise know about, adding different appendices. Reading this while reading The Bell Jar is quite enlightening for any Sylvia Plath fan. I am amazed and envious at how maturely and beautifully she wrote in her late teens and early twenties, even if sometimes she does come across as a bit pretentious during this period. And the later writing, when she was struggling with disciplining herself enough to write without assignments, while struggling with her anxiety and bouts of depression, all while trying to be a paragon of a wife and mother, are somehow uplifting and heartbreaking at the same time. Especially since everyone knows her end.
*The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath – This wouldn’t have been published in the U.S. until after Sylvia Plath’s mother died, but it generated such a buzz in England that the American audience pretty much demanded its release. I read this in college, but very little of it stuck with me, and I can’t imagine why that would’ve been the case. I think that the book is brilliant, and it gives me some idea of what a schizophrenic breakdown is like, in a sad and beautiful prose.
The Colossus and Other Poems, Sylvia Plath – Yes, I’m on a roll. I remember reading some of these poems in college, and also reading that Plath used a thesaurus almost obsessively while writing poetry. I found these poems beautiful but slightly cold. They didn’t make much of an impression on me, in college or in the present. Just nice, pretty words to read.

February

Ariel and Other Poems, Sylvia Plath – After reading The Colossus and Other Poems, I find that Ariel is much more my style, when it comes to poetry. There is a sort of raw elegance to her later work, which I really enjoy – not so polished, not so much with the thesaurus, but beautiful words and phrases all the same. So many of the poems have a quiet menace as well, which is really affecting. The version of this book that I read was edited by Plath’s daughter, and followed the form that Plath originally intended the book to take (the first published edition of this book was edited and much changed by Ted Hughes, Plath’s husband).
The Darcy Connection, Elizabeth Aston - I needed to take a break from Sylvia Plath, and this was the perfect book to take a break with. Aston has apparently written several sequels to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, one of my favorite books of all time. Though this book uses more modern language than anything Austen wrote, it still has that Austen feel of supreme politeness on the surface, with several frissons of passion underneath. It follows the two daughters of Mr. and Mrs. Collins, one of whom is the goddaughter of Elizabeth Darcy, and entirely too much like Mrs. Darcy for Mr. Collins’ taste. The daughters travel to London, and of course, hijinks ensue…
Birthday Letters, Ted Hughes – This book of poetry is almost entirely about Hughes’ relationship with and marriage to Sylvia Plath, who killed herself in 1963. I enjoy Hughes’ style of poetry very much – it is a rather straightforward style, almost prose-like, and I can understand why Plath herself spoke of the virility of Hughes’ work. Some of the poems were quite sweet and sad, but I started to notice a pattern in which every poem ended with Plath’s death, almost suddenly. “We were in a tent, we were swimming, BOOM, you’re dead.” The device, which started out shocking and poignant, ended up almost annoying. Also, I tried to be objective, but Ted Hughes was kind of a bastard to Sylvia Plath, it’s well-documented, so when he goes on about how he wishes he could have “saved” her, I roll my eyes a little.
Sabine, A. P. – Oh, how I love this type of novel! In the tradition of A Secret History, The Lake of Dead Languages, Beast by Joyce Carol Oates, this novel concerns an elite/sequestered/rarified group of high school or college students dealing with rather Gothic things in a rather Gothic manner. This novel is set at a boarding school in the French countryside, where the narrator is a 17-year-old student, one of only five. She falls for Sabine, her teacher, and begins to believe that the headmistress is a vampire when Sabine falls ill with a blood disorder. It is a quick read and unfolds in a satisfyingly mysterious and poetic manner, which is exactly what I ask for in this type of novel.
Dead Until Dark, Charlaine Harris – I got to see about three episodes of the TV show “True Blood” last fall, and I was hooked but had no HBO. Luckily, the show is based on a series of novels! This is the first, and I have heard that the first season of the show follows this book pretty closely. And oh, was this book enjoyable! In fact, based on the few episodes I saw, I would say that this book is a little more believable in its white trash element. I’m in love with Sookie Stackhouse – what a great character. And, without giving anything away, there was a moment, a revelation toward the end of the book that made me squeal with delight.

March

From Hell, Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell – I've been really getting into graphic novels lately, and I figured that I'd start with some of the classics. And this one is a big one – the drawing, the story line, the ridiculous amount of research that must have gone into this made it epic. I saw the Johnny Depp movie, which was good, but this graphic novel is so much better, so much more involved.
Watchmen, Alan Moore, Dave Gibbons and John Higgins – Another classic. I saw the movie before I read this, and I thought that they were quite similar. Of course, the book explained more, and went more into the individual feelings of the Watchmen. Very enjoyable.

April

12. The Secret Life of Laszlo, Count Dracula, Rodericke Anscombe – What if, instead of a famous, supernatural vampire, Dracula was instead a demented serial killer living in the 19^th century? This book is written by a psychiatrist, and is definitely a compelling look at why someone might be drawn or commanded to kill. It started off a bit slow, but it's a definite builder, and it ends with a bang.

May

13. The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood – Yet another slightly gothic family-secrets-style novel. Margaret Atwood is a master at such things. The fact that I guessed much of the ending after about 100 pages in no way subtracted from my enjoyment of the book. It's a hefty novel, but I read it pretty quickly. So enjoyable.

14. *The House on the Strand, Daphne du Maurier – I don't know if I read the whole thing, but I remember reading the beginning in high school. It's about a man who, at the urging of his college friend, an eccentric scientist, participates in experiments that send him back to the 14^th century. He becomes so involved in the past that he ignores the dangers of the drug that he's taking as well as the strain he's putting on his marriage. This book isn't so much a thriller as it is a sort of parable against living in the past, either figuratively or literally.

June

15. Death: At Death's Door, Jill Thompson – While this was cute, I hadn't read any of Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics yet (this book is a sort of outside story, featuring Death as the lead), so I wasn't horribly sure what was going on. I think that it was about what would happen if Hell wasn't taking anyone in. It was very anime-style.

16. *Rose Madder, Stephen King – My favorite Stephen King novel ever, and one that I reread often. It's the story of a severely abused wife who escapes her cop husband, first by moving to a new city, and then by enlisting the help of a mythic, insane goddess in a sort of dreamworld, all the while finding strength that she didn't know she had. Oh, how I love it!

17. The Eternals, Neil Gaiman – Ooh, I like Neil Gaiman, and I am really getting into comics in a way I never have before. This book delves into the origins of the earth and all of the beings on it in a pretty unexpected way.

18. The Echo, Minette Walters – I've read and enjoyed The Dark Room, and I like Minette Walters' approach to mystery – she writes in a sort of quiet, matter-of-fact way, and the mystery elements are solid (everything is explained) but intelligent, not formulaic. This is the story of a reporter looking into the background of a homeless man who died in a wealthy woman's garage... and of course nothing is as it seems.

July

19. The Killer Book of Serial Killers, Tom Philbin and Michael Philbin – This is a pretty topical book. It's not terribly in-depth, and the authors' forays into the psychology of the individual serial killers is a bit simplistic. But it is morbidly fascinating. If you're into that kind of thing.

20. Rock Star Babylon, Jon Holmes - Another topical sort of book, this catalogs different rumors and stories about rock stars. Many of the people talked about are British, so I didn't know who they were, but it is a very quick and entertaining read.

21. The Apothecary's Daughter, Julie Klassen – Obviously, this is about an apothecary's daughter; she has the aptitude to continue her father's work, but isn't sure that she wants to. On top of that, female apothecaries were being forced out of the business at the time, and the protagonist is being pushed and pulled between her wealthy uncle and aunt, her hard-working father, London and a small town, two very different men... and she's haunted by her mother, who left the family years before. A really good book, the kind that I don't want to put down.

22. *Different Seasons, Stephen King – This is a collection of four novellas, the first three of which have been turned into movies - “The Shawshank Redemption,” “Apt Pupil” and “Stand By Me.” I've read this before, and I've seen all of the movies, so reading the novellas was a nice revisit. However, I didn't remember the fourth novella, “The Breathing Method,” at all. It ended up being my favorite. It's a sort of wintry ghost story. They should really make a movie about it...

23. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith – Unbelievably awesome! Grahame-Smith took a much-beloved novel and added zombies to the mix. It sounds like a gimmick, and it is, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable! I especially loved that the zombies are hardly ever called “zombies” - instead they are “the unmentionables,” or some other, more polite phrase. Also, instead of verbal sparring, Elizabeth Bennett and Fitzwilliam Darcy engage in actual fisticuffs. And, several times, people politely vomit into their hands.

24. The Thing Around Your Neck, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – Adichie is the kind of writer who makes me jealous. She has a real economy of phrase, and this collection of short stories is very, very good. My favorite story involved several writers from different countries in Africa, brought together for fellowships by a wealthy Englishman who proceeds to tell them that their work isn't “African” enough.

August

25. Coraline, Neil Gaiman – I am very late to the party, of course, but Neil Gaiman is delightful. I love when inventive authors describe the world through the eyes of a child, all the while using rather matter-of-fact language.

26. Madeleine is Sleeping, Sarah Shun-lien Bynum – This book is simultaneously quite beautiful and quite gross. While Madeleine sleeps, fantastic things happen to people around her, like the large woman who grows wings and starts flying around (and cataloging her poo). ...I won't lie, I was confused a few times.

September

27. The Absolute Sandman, Volume 1, Neil Gaiman – I love reading about Victorian-era occultism, and the idea of circles of powerful men trying to make themselves more powerful by using the black arts. This is how Neil Gaiman's Sandman series starts, with the Sandman imprisoned by just such a group. This volume documents his escape and subsequent search for his mystical belongings, which he needs to bring sleep to the world, along with single issues exploring things that he's done in the past. I am now a full-fledged Gaiman fan, and am finally catching up with the rest of the world.

28. Blood Meridian, or The Evening Redness in the West, Cormac McCarthy – This is bleak and hopeless, and McCarthy is rather spare with his pronouns, so sometimes you're not sure who's talking or who they're talking about, but you get the point. This is basically the story of the genocide of indigenous people in the Southwest and in Mexico, and so of course it is supposed to be bleak. I liked it, but I think I can read only one book like this a year.

October

29. *Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte – I hadn't read it since I was in my teens, and back then everything was, "Why can't Heathcliff love the younger Catherine? Why can't Linton be nicer? Why would the elder Catherine pick Edgar over Heathcliff?," and on, and on, blah blah blah. Back then, to me, passionate romances were the best. You couldn't really be in love unless you were constantly making each other unhappy, every evil man had a beautiful soul, all the more precious because it was guarded (I seriously wanted Heathcliff to get together with the younger Catherine!). Conflict was a sign of caring. Heathcliff and Catherine would have been happy forever if they'd ended up together. At the ancient age of 31, I feel exactly the opposite. The elder Catherine wanted to have her cake and eat it too (I still don't understand that phrase - are you not supposed to have the cake once you get it?). The younger Catherine put up with entirely too much bullshit, as did her father. Heathcliff had no redeeming characteristics. As for Linton, he should have been throttled at birth! And Healthcliff and Catherine would have driven each other crazy had they gotten married, it's obvious to me now.

30. The Alchemist, Paulo Coehlo – A friend gave this book to me while I was between jobs, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. While I'm not a terribly spiritual person, there were certain lessons to be learned from this book, if you're willing – like the idea that you might not need to travel far and wide to find what you want. Still, most of the spiritualism was lost on me.

November

31. Defiance, Nechama Tec – This book is amazing! The author set out to find Jewish heroes from World War II, and the story that she found is astonishing and inspiring. This is the story of the Bielski brothers, who set out to escape the persecution of Jews in Russia, and became the saviors of hundreds of people. They set up massive camps in the remote forests that they knew so well, taking in any refugees they came across – later they planned and executed rescue missions, when the Russian ghettoes were being liquidated - and they were able to evade Nazis and Nazi informers for several years. Even chockful of facts as it is, even knowing the outcome as I did, I found this book to be as thrilling as any novel I've read.

32. Elizabeth I, CEO: Strategic Lessons from the Leader Who Built an Empire, Alan Axelrod – I rather enjoy books that marry historical fact with lessons in that will help you now. I could read an autobiography of Elizabeth I, but it is nice to see her through an eye that is openly and unabashedly modern - in that context, it's amazing how forward-thinking Elizabeth I was. Though I don't ever inspire to be a CEO, I think that the lessons presented here are useful for almost any level of worker, from learning how to play to your strengths to owning up when you make a mistake. And it is interesting reading on its own.

December

33. My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult – Hello, punch in the heart. Hello, sobbing in my room while reading. I once read an interview in which another writer called Jodi Picoult's work “torture porn for moms,”and I kind of have to agree. I can't say that I enjoyed the story, but it was compelling and enraging, and at times I felt like I couldn't stop reading it. And now I can honestly say that, while I'm glad I read this, “torture porn for moms” isn't my thing.

34. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, Winifred Watson – How delightful this book is! Like I imagine a sloe gin fizz tastes. Light, frothy fun mixed with the shyness and uncertainty of a woman of a certain age who feel like life has passed her by. I know I just described it as “frothy,” but of course the characters are actually a lot more serious and complex than you first think them to be, which makes the book very satisfying.

Wherein I get a bit ranty, and then even out... maybe

2010-10-04T17:46:00.000-04:00

I don't think I've been talking about the Kid much here, mainly because it's not terribly interesting to constantly rant about how someone is constantly leaving dirty dishes in the sink, or slamming doors so loudly that it wakes you up, or just generally being a giant, annoying pain in your ass. I don't think I've ranted about him extensively since this entry, but believe me, it's been there.

The Kid has stopped leaving the door unlocked (though, according to him, it was his GIRLFRIEND'S fault), and he has stopped disturbing my Me Time, mainly because he has finally gotten the hint that we're not going to be best buddies. Instead, he has glommed onto Tim, the new(er) roommate. Who is also an inconsiderate jerk.

I worked all summer on the dishes issue with the Kid. I talked to him about it, but that proved annoying and useless: all he does is apologize and make excuses. So then I started leaving nasty notes with the dishes, which I would pile on the kitchen table. They couldn't be missed there. Everything would be fine for two weeks or so, but then dishes would be left in the sink again, for days on end. It got to the point where I would enter the kitchen expecting to become immediately enraged.

Finally, last week, in the throes of a nasty bout of PMS, I asked Shon to step in, and he did, immediately. The Kid said that he left those dishes "to soak," but that he would try to be better about it.

A side note: if you have to soak your dishes for 24+ hours, multiple times a week, you're cooking wrong.

Anyway, this is where it gets AWESOME. The Kid called Shon, again apologized about the dishes, and then said that he and Tim were bothered about how often I clean up after the cats... which is apparently not enough for them. Shon relayed this to me, and I sort of went nuclear. Because EXCUSE ME? I have never seen Tim lift a finger in this house, unless it is to order take-out and then fall asleep so that the delivery man stands at the door, ringing the doorbell for 5 minutes until I answer it (this has happened more than once). And I can count on one hand the number of times the Kid has taken out the garbage or bought share items like toilet paper or cleaned anything other than his room. Every time he puts the dishes away, he leaves half of them on the counter because apparently he doesn't know where they go. And he definitely can't open up the cupboards and look - that's crazy talk!

So who does the cleaning for the rest of the house? Who takes the trash out 95% of the time, always takes the bins out to the street every week, always cleans the stove and the counter top and the bathroom? Who sweeps the floor and dusts? We must have some sort of magical cleaning fairy!

OH WAIT, IT'S ME.

I told Shon that those two whiners can bitch about the cats when they start helping out with EVERYTHING ELSE. And I think he agreed with me.

Sorry, that's a lot of CAPS, but seriously, that is some ROOMMATE BULLSHIT right there.

Anyway, I put up "Please don't slam the door" notes on our front door and the main door, and that seems to be working. Maybe if I can catch up on my sleep and not be awakened several times a night by assholes, I'll calm down a little about everything else.

*~*~*~*

Poor Owen got his first stitches this weekend - three on the back of his noggin. He fell on some bleachers and got a gash. He seems to be handling the stitches pretty well, and hopefully the scar will be a reminder to calm down a little, maybe. I know, I'm kidding myself. That boy is crazy.

*~*~*~*

My friend Ami and I will be going to see Lady Gaga in March, and we are really, really excited! In unrelated but similarly exciting news, I will be going to a work conference in DC toward the end of the month. I am actually really excited to ride on an airplane for the first time EVER. I know, right? And then I'll get to network and stuff!

books and music

2010-09-26T20:30:00.000-04:00

Lately I have been reading incredibly beautifully written, harrowing, depressing/uplifting books, the kind of reading that makes me feel hollow and serious and full of deep, disturbing, exhilarating thoughts. First I read "Let's Take the Long Way Home," by Gail Caldwell. It's a memoir about Gail's friendship with the author Caroline Knapp, and about dealing with the death of Caroline, from cancer. And then I jumped right into "Bastard Out of Carolina," a novel by Dorothy Allison. It's about a girl who notices everything, growing up poor and outcast in the South, abused by her stepfather.

Both books were so gorgeous. Both required me to have tissues sitting by me at all times, just in case.

I'm so glad to have read them, but I think I need to immerse myself in something light and possibly cheesy next.

Books and music - I have been on a tear lately. On Tuesday I saw Brandi Carlile with Julia. The concert was supposed to be at Babeville, but it was moved to the Tralf, and it ended up being so nice, so intimate. Katie Herzig was the opener, very enjoyable. Then Ms. Carlile came out, and was laughing and joking with the crowd, taking requests that people would yell from the audience. At first I was distracted by the extreme tightness of her jeans (they may have been jeggings, to which I say, "NO!"), but by the end, I had a bit of a girlcrush going on.

Then last night I dragged my friend Jon out for some indie rock at Nietzsche's. I wanted to see Bearhunter. The show started late, so we had some beers and chatted, and caught the first 20 minutes or so of SNL (it looked hilarious). I forget who the first band was, but they were good. Bearhunter was great, and Handsome Jack sure was... retro. Then we stopped in at the Pink. And today I'm feeling a little old and rickety, and that's ok.

Today I managed to sweat out some of the beer I drank last night, while I swept floors and emptied garbages and cleaned and disinfected. I'll never be one of those people who cleans on a regular basis, but sometimes it is so, so satisfying to have a gleaming kitchen, clean floors in the living room. Then again, with my roommates, I doubt the house will stay pretty for long.

Pumpkin Spice

2010-09-12T14:56:00.000-04:00

I am feeling so FALL today, excited and introspective, thrilled by the wind and the cooler weather. I want to be outside, walking through artful drifts of leaves, and I want to be inside, curled up in an armchair with a good book and a massive mug of tea at my side.

This feeling has been building, of course, the same way that it does every year. The area colleges start welcoming their students back. The air starts to get the tiniest nip to it. I begin to look at my sweaters and my boots with a longing akin to lust. I also lust after other people’s newly-bought notebooks (the paper variety). I begin to crave hushed, mid-tempo indie music and atmospheric fall/Halloween movies all the time. Last night I watched Trick 'r Treat. It's a good one, and Dylan Baker is always enjoyable to watch.

The horse chestnuts are beginning to fall on my street; I just love the way they sound when they’re pinging off of cars. Ooh, and Halloween candy is coming out. A few nights ago I resisted a tin of candy corn at Wegmans, and now I feel like I should have gone ahead and brought the sugary goodness home with me. Well, last night I caved and got the Reese's Miniature Cups in their cute little fall wrappers. And a pumpkin spice candle.

Floyd has been getting the feisty fall feeling as well, I think. He is either trying to live in my lap or he is attacking me. In fact, last weekend I was cleaning my room, and I was bent down, trying to pick up some books. Floyd took this opportunity to try and jump up onto my back, and it would have worked had I not straightened up in surprise and screamed. Because he scared the crap out of me!

Pretty soon we'll start some family birthdays again. Billy will be celebrating his birthday, and my niece Kailyne will be turning 3! The other night I was on the phone with my mom, and Kailyne came over with her dad, and she told me to remember that she wants a zombie shirt for her birthday.

That's flippin' awesome.

"First you gotta do the Truffle Shuffle!"

2010-08-25T19:43:00.000-04:00

I am sitting in a coffee shop with my journal and my latest issue of Bitch Magazine, feeling quite fine. I have had a good week, and after Friday I'll be taking a mini-vacation.

For my mom's 60th birthday. 6-0. SIXTY. Seriously, 60!

I don't know why that number is such a mindfuck. In a good way, because Hey! She's lived 60 years! But also in a scary way - obviously it's natural for parents to age, and it's natural that I should be scared about that, a little (mortality, other stuff I can't deal with, et cetera). But I don't remember feeling quite so weirded out or conflicted when mom turned 50. I've already confronted some of my issues with my mother aging, perhaps a little prematurely, because of her hips, and because sometimes I worry for no good reason. But 60, 6-0, SIXTY is blowing my mind.

Anyway, we're taking her to her favorite beef restaurant. Boy, that sounded naughty.

I got her some pretty rad presents.

As always, I will spend a lot of time with various nieces and nephews, and I will return from my mini-vacay exhausted. This is the way of things. This is why I don't have kids. Well, one of many reasons.

Actually, I love being an Auntie. I get to do all of the fun stuff, like teaching Owen how to do the Truffle Shuffle. My sister's boyfriends kids had never seen "The Goonies," so last Saturday we had a big sleepover at mom's house and watched it. At the beginning, I was running around, doing laundry and other "adult" things, so I missed the first 20 minutes of the movie. As soon as I got into the living room and started to settle down, I had to rewind to the Truffle Shuffle. And we watched that part 5 times! Usually it's one of the kids saying, "Can we watch that part again? One more time?" This time, it was me. Since I had the authority and the remote, I didn't need to ask.

The other night, I called Nicky to discuss mama's birthday plans, and I realized that, since she worked for most of the weekend, she didn't know about Owen's new skill. I told her to make Owen do the Truffle Shuffle. She sounded kind of confused - I heard her say, "Uh, Aunt Sarah says you have to do the Truffle Shuffle." In the background, I heard Owen yell, "COME ON!" And then I heard Izaak and Malachai yell, "DO IT!" So Owen groaned loudly, Chunk-style, and did the Truffle Shuffle.

These are the moments an Auntie lives for.

bad-vibes mall

2010-08-15T17:05:00.000-04:00

I'm ill, so please excuse me if I ramble. I spent a couple of days debating with myself and with others about whether I was suffering from ragweed allergies - for the first time ever - or some sort of head cold/virus. I'm still not sure, and I don't give a shit anymore. I would just like to stop being exhausted and full of snot.

I keep thinking about deep woods, dim green light, being alone in the quiet. Being able to just sit and enjoy feeling kind of lonely, kind of wild. I have been thinking about writing a long blog about how much I like to be alone, that it's actually easier for me to be alone than to socialize, sometimes. But my head is fuzzy. Also, someone covered it: lovely.

I have spent all of this weekend alone, though not by any choice of mine. Whenever I think of going outside, I get exhausted and go to bed instead. I have been having a lot of dreams. This morning I was dreaming about a mall that I've dreamed about before. It's a bad-vibes mall - tons of stores, but nothing I want to buy, ever, and yet I'll be there, wandering, wandering. It's hard to explain how bad the mall can feel when it doesn't even have any zombies in it, but there you go. I often dream about a bad-vibes mall.

This morning, in my dream, I got into an argument with a man and his wife in the parking lot of the mall, because the man tore a sticker off of my car and ended up tearing off quite a lot of the heating element on the rear window, somehow. There was a lot of yelling. And then I had to go to a stationery store to buy a gift, and a stationery store WOULD be right up my alley, except that I never got there. Too many kids on sorbet-colored skateboards, flying through the air, not caring who they ran into. I had to retreat.

At the end of the dream, I ran into my Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Calvin (he died in the spring, but was alive and well and like his old self in my dream). They managed to calm me down, and then I woke up because my phone was ringing. Owen was in my ear, telling me about Malachai playing video games, asking when I was coming down. Then he gave the phone to Nicky, who said that she called me because "Owen wanted to say nice things" to me. Isn't that sweet?

Anyway...

I keep having to slump back into my chair and stare at nothing every few minutes. Ugh, I want to feel healthy again, and not like some delicate Victorian lady who is suffering from some lingering disease. I mean, I don't even OWN a fainting couch.

Oh, last night I saw a movie that I really liked, "The Vicious Kind." If you're like me, and you like indie dramas full of damaged characters, you might be into it. I liked the complexity of it, the main character who conversationally says that all women are whores, such a casual misogynist until you start to see more, deeper... plus fucked-up families. I do enjoy seeing fucked-up families on film, maybe because my family is so non-nuclear but also so non-fucked-up. (Yay for my family, seriously.)

I'm too tired to ramble any further. I think a pot of tea and a pint of ice cream might be in order. Need to keep my strength up.

Catawba!

2010-08-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

I'm watching Amelie and drinking a lovely catawba from Freedom Run Winery, and I have this to say:

Sarah dislikes:
- unnecessary loudness
- strangers commenting on her body parts
- people who try to cheer her up before 10 AM or who tell her to smile EVER

Sarah likes:
- when her cat Floyd meows and purrs at the same time
- any activity with her family
- indie feminist magazines

I have had a lovely long weekend. On Friday I gave blood, which I always enjoy. Because of my deep veins, it seemed like everyone in the donor center was staring at me (are deep veins that rare?). Also, I forgot to eat beforehand, so everyone was watching to see if I'd faint. I did not faint. And I was happy to give blood where I work - I know the blood will stay there when it's needed. And I don't mind the pain, though the finger prick is not fun (it hurts more than the big needle they shove into your arm). It may sicken some of you, but I rather like the feeling of the blood rushing from my arm when I squeeze the ball. And I like that my blood can be given to everybody. I actually missed giving blood over the past year, after I got my tattoo.

On Friday night I relaxed and watched some movies. I was dumb and forgot that I wasn't supposed to drink that night because I gave blood. I drank some Summer Shandies (beer mixed with lemonade) because people have been recommending them to me since forever. And so it was my fault that I had a headache on Saturday. Well, the headache gave me a good reason to stay inside all day, reading and writing and watching Buffy in my room. I wrote on Twitter that it felt decadent to stay inside all day in the middle of summer. It was pretty awesome.

Yesterday I went to the Niagara Wine and Culinary Festival with Julia and her boyfriend Devon. It was 10 wineries representing, and we got 4 tastings at each winery. I actually tried a lot of wines that I normally wouldn't (I'm prone to choose wine based on attractive bottles rather than what's inside). I've discovered the aforementioned Catawba from Freedom Run and the Fuji Apple wine from Leonard Oakes Estate Winery (their Blanc d'Orleans was also good). In the future, I plan on buying the gorgeous Syrah from Arrowhead Spring Vineyards. At $38 per bottle, it's more than I would spend, but it was delicious.

Plus I bought some goat's milk soap, which is always - and I mean ALWAYS - a good idea.

Afterward, Julia and Devon went to dinner in beautiful Lewiston, and I went to Outback Steakhouse to meet people for a birthday gathering. My sister and I managed to simultaneously embarrass and entertain the table, I think. And Alice Springs Chicken is delicious.

OMG, I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE LEFTOVERS IN THE FRIDGE!

Today I went to the coffeeshop, and then to AmVets. I spent $30 and got some great things. I feel like I buy things at AmVets that I wouldn't even notice in a retail store - I like everything I bought today, but would I notice them in Target or at the mall if they weren't $3 or $4? Well, I'm happy with my purchases, especially the seafoam green wrap sweater that I won't be able to wear for the next two months.

NO SPOILERS

2010-07-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

My thoughts after seeing "Inception" -

1) Whoa (Keanu Reeves style)

2) Cillian Murphy is a beautiful man.

3) I wonder if an architect would be able to keep my crazy-ass dreams under control.

4) Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks hot when he's fighting in zero gravity.

5) My mind is blown!

Disconnect

2010-07-21T13:39:00.000-04:00

I was enjoying a movie with a friend the other night when the doorbell rang. Considering how many people live in the house, it’s surprising how rare that is, but since I have a new roommate, and he seemed to be in a social mood, I figured that the visitor was for him. Alas, it was for me.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but there is this guy Nate who I “dated” for one month, four years ago. It was one of the most annoying, boring dating experiences of my life. There was no mental connection, no physical connection, at the end I wasn’t even enjoying his company at all, and I broke up with him pretty definitively. And now Nate just likes to randomly show up at my house, every nine months or so. Always at night, always a surprise, because he doesn’t have my phone number, or any way to get in touch with me. Because I really want nothing to do with him, and I thought I’d made that clear.

Every time he shows up, it freaks me out visibly. I’m sure of this. He absolutely refuses to see the freak-out; he just really wants to see me. Despite the fact that I stand there and look uncomfortable, despite the fact that I never invite him inside or offer to give him my phone number, he keeps coming back. And the time between visits is so long that I forget about him, only to be creeped out anew when he shows up on my porch.

The last time he came, it was in the spring. It was raining, and it was dark, and I was home alone, cleaning my room. I came down with garbage to throw in the bin, just as the doorbell rang, and there he was. He said “hi” and then followed me all the way down the driveway to the garbage bins, and all the way back, in the dark, in the rain, all without saying a word. He apparently had nothing to say – he just wanted to stare at me to the point where I started to feel panicky. I said that I had to go meet friends, and I bolted in the house and locked it up tight. All that night, and into the next week, I felt like I was being watched.

After every visit, I would think, why didn’t I yell at him? Why didn’t I tell him to fuck off and leave me alone? But the visits were so infrequent, so unexpected, that I would just be shocked that he was there, AGAIN. I was speechless in the face of his complete cluelessness.

When he showed up on Monday night, my new roommate told him that I was in the shower. I was relieved to not have to talk to him, but it didn’t last long. Right after my movie friend left, the doorbell rang again… at 11 PM… and it was Nate. I was suddenly incandescent with rage. I went down the stairs and flung open the door and let him know in no uncertain terms that I didn’t want him there, that it freaked me out whenever he showed up out of the blue, that I wasn’t his girlfriend or his friend, and that he should never come to my house again.

His response – “…So you don’t want to see me? You don’t want me to call you?” (The fact that he didn’t have my phone number seemed to escape him.)

I roared, “NO!” and shut the door in his face.

This idea that Nate seems to have, that he can insert himself into my life whenever he wants, like I’m just pining away, waiting for him to return? It’s insulting, and it’s disturbing. It completely ignores me, who I am, what kind of person I am. It makes me wonder if I’m a person at all to him, or just an idea, a concept that denies me any agency whatsoever.

And I wonder how far this disconnect goes in his mind, whether I as a concept am allowed to say “No” to him. Did I surprise him by yelling in his face? Will he decide that I was just being coy or playing hard to get, “like women do”?

At this point, I’ve alerted my roommates to the fact that I don’t want to see Nate at all. I have very clearly told Nate that I don’t want him around me. I don’t think it’s likely he’ll come back, but if he shows up again, I’ll start calling the police and working on a restraining order. It might be overkill. Maybe he is just harmless and clueless. But I’m not taking any chances with a person who can’t seem to let go.

And neither should any of you.

Plans and Schemes

2010-07-19T14:19:00.002-04:00

It just occurred to me that all of the things that I want to do right this moment are the things that I never actually get to during my free time. I’d really love to do a large oil pastel drawing, or cull interesting roommate stories from my old journals for that “bad roommate” book I’m going to write someday. (Seriously – have I mentioned the crazy woman who told Shon that she really understood how people could just snap and murder other people?)

Me, I don’t make a lot of plans. Or, wait, that’s wrong. Me, I make plans, but I rarely stick to them, unless they’re social plans I’ve made with people. Me, I make plans, but then I decide that I’d rather do something else. And that’s fine with me.

Just this weekend, I was planning on going to a powwow. It’s one I go to every year, one I’m sure I’ve mentioned in this here blog. I always have a good time there, watching the Native American dancing and eating the Indian tacos, and generally enjoying the music and the good time.

I was planning to go, but on Saturday I didn’t feel like it. Mom and I were watching Izaak and Malachai and Owen while Nicky and Billy worked, and I think we had a better time hanging out together than we would have had sweating it out in the crowds, under the relentless sun. Because it was HOT OUT.

Yesterday I was planning to go to the powwow, and I was going to take the boys with me (my mom didn’t want to deal with the crowds or her walker). Then I found out that Izaak and Malachai were already back at their dad’s, and it would just be Owen and I. And it was even hotter than Saturday, and humid, with a chance of rain.

And maybe this is a revelation to you, or maybe I’ve already mentioned it, but I don’t handle crowds well at the best of times. Tired and sweaty and crowded, with a four-year-old who turns evil at the drop of a hat? I’d just rather not.

So Owen and I went swimming again! I’d bought a new swimsuit since last time, one I could actually swim in, which is, surprisingly, not easily found in the world of women’s swimsuits.

I pretty much let Owen direct our fun. He wanted to go in the big pool and hang on to my shoulders while I swam around – OK. He wanted to go in the kiddie pool and race, standing up, running – sure thing, and hey, what a workout for my quads! He wanted to go to the sprinkler part and giggle while one of the sprays hit him in the bum – uh, alright!

So we just cycled through all of the different pools and play areas, and we had a very good time. Owen even put his face in the water, which is progress from his “NO, DON’T PUT ME UNDERWATER!” stance from last time. I think a few more pool trips this summer, and he might go underwater with me at least once, for a few seconds. And then, in no time, he’ll be swimming with Izaak and Malachai, and I can race them all and beat them (they need to learn some swimmin’ respect!).

So, regarding the intriguing projects I’ve got floating around in my head: I might get to them sometime soon, and I might not. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be having a good time. Indeed, tonight I’ll be having dinner and watching a cheesy 80s movie with my good friend Julia. Hey hey.

...Yes, we killed some zombies

2010-07-07T14:58:00.000-04:00

I am in a good mood today. I don’t know if that’s really noteworthy, but I wrote it down, so there you go. I am even enjoying the heat and the sun.

Incongruously, I want to sit in a dark room and listen to very moody music.

I had a great long weekend. I took off Friday afternoon, and I packed up Floyd and drove down to hang out with my family (I know, shocker, right?). It was a weekend filled with sun and booze and sleepovers and hot dogs and deviled eggs. So, you know, perfection – well, except for my dumbass brother deciding that it’s TOTALLY COOL to bring loud-ass people back to your mom’s house to party at 3 AM, while everyone else is trying to sleep. Fucktard!

Ahem.

Billy and mom and I did take the kids swimming on Sunday. They have the most awesome pools at the local rec: an adult pool, and a kiddie pool with an umbrella/mushroom that streams water like a shower, and a sort of play-area with jets of water coming up from the ground, and down from a twirly sprinkler thing, and out of a turtle’s mouth, and out of some buckets. It was a lot of fun.

I spent quite a bit of my time floating around with Owen and/or Kailyne in my arms. They clung to my neck and torso like little monkeys. I got Owen to go under once. When I wasn’t playing Mama Monkey, I swam with Malachai. It wasn’t too long ago that HE was clinging to my neck, but now he’s beating me in swimming races! (OK, I let him win, but it would have been close a few times anyway, I think).

I miss swimming. I was a little mermaid when I was a kid, and I don’t go swimming enough now. It’s really good exercise… I wish there was a pool around that wasn’t constantly filled with little kids (sorry, little kids, but you bug me).

I also miss the Sahlen’s Hot Dogs I ate all Sunday and Monday. I should buy some for myself at home, have myself a little pic-a-nic.

By the way, I found out Floyd likes donuts.

I done clobbered a snake!

2010-06-30T13:04:00.002-04:00

I went through a few weeks of “You need to play FrontierVille on Facebook – it’s so fun!” At every turn, my nephews would tell me about the joy of clobberin’ snakes and gophers and clearin’ brush and fightin’ off bears. Energy-giving pie slices fall from harvested trees and pop out of fed animals. Gold coins and gold stars come out of everything.

Real frontier-style living? Not so much. Fake Facebook frontier-style living? I’m all about it. I don’t know if I’d say that I’m addicted (“it’s not a habit, it’s cool, I feel alive”), but I am definitely onboard the FrontierVille boat.

I am glad to get back to my regular workweek. After last week, during which I went to bed every night while it was still light out, it now feels deliciously naughty to stay up past 10 PM. To get up at 6:30 AM, instead of being at work by then.

And, of course, I get a nice, long weekend because of July 4th. I am already envisioning the wine coolers, the sleepovers, the delicious deviled eggs.

Otherwise, I feel like walking and walking and walking, and reading and reading and reading. And buying things – I just bought some lovely homemade soaps and a tie-dyed velvet scarf from Etsy sellers. So, you know, the usual.

bleeding all over

2010-06-27T14:12:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting in the dining room; how I've missed it. I've been avoiding the downstairs like the plague lately, but I don't think The Kid is home. Kind of weird, really, to feel limited in the house I've lived in and had free reign in for five years, but I seriously can't deal with him at all. The very sight of him annoys me. And that's not very grown-up of me, I know.

Anyway, Floyd is enjoying my presence down here. This is where we used to hang out all the time on the weekends, me with my computer and a book and a pot of tea, him lazing around in a patch of sun or attacking my feet.

The craziness at work is over, for now. At least, the part where I have to get up crazy early and work insanely long hours is over. Everything went really smoothly, too!

After getting up at 4 AM yesterday and working until 11, and then a nap, I was actually really happy to go to the mall, of all places. Usually I run into Sephora and run right back out, but last night I was enjoying the somewhat mindless pleasure of going along with the crowd, into this store or that store. And, because I was looking, I was actually able to find some good deals (as well as tons of things I wanted at Sephora, of course).

One embarrassment - I was in Ann Taylor Loft, waiting in line with things I wanted to buy. When I got up to the counter, the woman ringing me out suddenly started to find blood all over everything, kind of a lot of blood. There was confusion and concern, and of course the blood was coming from me, and everyone started running around for a band-aid, and Shout Wipes for my cardigan, which was besmirched. BESMIRCHED! I bled all over the two things I wanted to buy, and the woman insisted on replacing them, even though I kept insisting that I should just take the bloody clothes, since it was my blood and all. Everyone was staring - and all because of a tiny little cut on the tip of my pinky finger. A tiny little cut that I hadn't even felt when I got it. Embarrassing, I tell you.

Anyway, I had this dream last night - I was at my house, with Shon. He had a friend with him, a very serious woman, and I had some friends with me. The very serious woman was mad at my friends because they'd laughed at some of her friends last Halloween. Her friends were dressed as Oompa Loompas, and my friends had found it entertaining. The very serious woman kept going on and on about how her friends had been making some sort of political statement, and that they'd changed the words of the Oompa Loompa song to reflect that statement, and it was nothing to be laughed at.

This argument seemed to go on forever, until I finally got the woman to admit that her friends had been funny. She said, "Yes, they were funny, but they were not trying to entertain!" I said, "Where I'm from, SOMETHING FUNNY IS CONSIDERED ENTERTAINMENT!" And then I thought (but didn't say), "Don't argue semantics with me, bitch!"

And then there was something about having to get to and from my room by climbing onto rooftops and into other roommates' windows, because apparently we had no stairs. And later, dreams about bodies of water full of spongy, scary snakes.

My friends...

2010-06-17T11:38:00.000-04:00

I have been very, very busy, and have been neglecting this here blog shamelessly. Let me just share some snippets, because I don't have time to coherently put anything together (like I ever coherently put blog entries together!).

I somehow managed to forget what a weird sleeper Owen is. Last weekend mom and I were watching some Harry Potter, and Owen was passed out on the inflatable bed next to me. Out of nowhere, he sat up and started singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." Mom and I were impressed, but then mom told him to lay back down, and he flopped down, facing the wrong way. He spent the rest of the night muttering and talking in his sleep.

At first I was all, "Maybe it was too hot for him." But then I remembered a time when he'd spent the night at my house in Buffalo, when he was 2. He was sleeping in my bed with me, and anytime he moved, I would wake right up. So at one point that night, when he shot to his feet and started running, I was able to catch him before he crashed into the armchairs that are near the bottom of my bed.

I think Owen's just an odd sleeper. As someone who has walked, talked and sung in my sleep, I can relate.

*~*~*~*~*

My birthday is on Saturday. My workplace is pretty serious about birthdays, and I expected some little to-do with cake and a card on Friday (tomorrow). So imagine my surprise when I walked into a weekly meeting yesterday to discover a delicious peanut butter cheesecake with chocolate drizzled all over the top, and little Reese's Cups all over. SURPRISE! It was so sweet, and I really was surprised. Which doesn't happen often.

I do love my workplace. Have I mentioned that lately?

*~*~*~*~*

I am very excited about the Rockin' at the Knox concert tomorrow. Martha Wainwright! Rufus Wainwright! And I have been listening to the National and have enjoyed them a lot. I am completely ready to have a great time.

And then, this weekend, I'll be down with my family, celebrating my birthday and my brother's on Sunday.

*~*~*~*~*

Lately I've been re-reading "The Call of the Wild," and I finished it last night. I remember loving that book when I was little. I can't believe how much I cried last night at the sweetness of the relationship between Buck and John Thornton.

Delayed Rant

2010-06-08T16:29:00.002-04:00

It’s been a while since I’ve done this, and I may be a little rusty, so bear with me, please. But I gotta get it off my chest.

I have had many roommates in the five and a half years I’ve been living in my current place. As I may have mentioned before, the house is huge, and there is usually enough room for everyone to have their own space and to do their own things.

I have had a lot of weird or rude or crazy roommates; some roommates liked to throw in a bit of everything. There was the woman who was having a long, drawn-out nervous breakdown the entire time she was there, and the guy who was a hoarder, and who went through our garbage on a regular basis to make sure that the rest of us weren’t throwing out anything “useful” (in some ways admirable, but one time he pulled out a very cheap candle with a bad wick that I had discarded and said that he could save the wick and burn the rest of the candle – seriously?). Oh, and the man who was a sex addict – TONS of stories about him.

Lately, though, the house has been blissfully quiet. The roomies have been, like me, into their alone time. While we say “hi” while we pass in the hallways or in the kitchen, we don’t feel the need to be best friends, or to talk just to fill the silence. It was so nice.

But now I have a roommate who won’t leave me alone, who comes bounding out of his room to talk if he hears me in the kitchen. And I have a roommate who thought it was OK to leave the front door unlocked, day after day after day, because his girlfriend couldn’t manage to get up before he left, and she didn’t have a key. And I have a roommate who asks really stupid questions (“Yeah, so those garbage bins out back, with our address spray-painted on them – are those the ones we’re supposed to use?”) just to try and engage me in some sort of “roomie relationship,” and possibly because he really might be that stupid. And I have a roommate who thinks that my movie time is the perfect time to seek me out and start talking about everything but the movie I’m trying to fucking watch. And I have a roommate who seems to think it’s perfectly acceptable to leave the sink full of dirty dishes, for days on end. And I have a roommate who slams doors as loudly as possible, especially if other people in the house are trying to sleep.

Yes, I have one roommate who does all of these annoying things. And it is driving me fucking nuts. He’s like a dumb little kid… I think I’ll call him The Kid from now on. He is completely devoid of any understanding of social cues, like the facial tick I get when I want someone to leave me alone. Or the “Oh, shit” I mutter whenever he manages to corner me to ask a bunch of really stupid questions. Or the fact that I disappear into my room every night, as soon as he comes out of his room.

The door thing and the dishes thing – well, those are universally recognized “Bad Roommate” things. I mean, it takes just one person to come up on our porch and check the door handle… best-case scenario is a drunk person passed out on our floor and discovered unexpectedly. Worst-case scenario? We’re all fucking dead! Thanks a lot, roommate prick! And dirty dishes lead to bad smells and fruit flies and other levels of grossness.

But I think that there are other facets of being a good or bad roommate that rarely get examined, like how to deal with different dispositions within a household. My philosophy? If someone doesn’t want to spend time with you, leave them alone! If you are the type who cannot be quiet and cannot be by yourself, don’t foist yourself on roommates who obviously aren’t into it. Go out and get some goddamned friends! It’s not your roommates’ job to entertain you!

And let me be clear – I know that I’m antisocial. I am downright misanthropic at times; this is well-known among friends and former roommates. I am able to be friendly to the point of initial politeness, but if I make it clear that I’d like to be alone, then you’d better leave me alone. AND I AM DEFINITELY CLEAR ABOUT WHEN I’D LIKE TO BE ALONE.

The family room, where I used to enjoy many nights of movies and reading, is now underused, because if The Kid hears a movie up there, he runs right up to join me. Which would be fine if he would shut up and watch the movie instead of going on and on about his career aspirations and what the people downstairs are doing and whether the landlord will care that he turned on the heat that one weekend when it was snowing. I bought a new DVD player for my room, and if I have to go to the kitchen or the bathroom, it’s like a covert op. And let me tell you – it is super-uncomfortable when you’re waiting for your waffles to pop up, and someone is just standing there, staring at you, hoping you’ll talk to him.

I brought up the unlocked door thing, because that is just unacceptable – he was all, “Yeah, I know, but…”. I’ll bring up the dishes thing eventually, but I think that The Kid needs time to wrap his mind around the door thing first. I know that Shon has told The Kid that I need my alone time, so obviously The Kid has decided to ignore that advice and force me to be his friend. I’m pretty sure that The Kid’s approach is going to end in my roaring at him to fuck off and leave me alone, which will probably cause him to cry.

It should be interesting.

For now, I get through my annoyance by ranting and by cataloging everything for the book I’m going to write about all of the roommates I’ve had.

Uncle Calvin

2010-06-03T17:38:00.002-04:00

Two Sundays ago, my mother let me know that my Uncle Calvin was not expected to recover from lung cancer, and that he would be moved into a hospice room and given morphine until the end. The next morning, mom called to say that Uncle Calvin had passed away.

I spent last week (the days, at least) in a somber sort of haze. By sheer coincidence, I had finished Kurt Cobain’s biography “Heavier Than Heaven” – a very good book – AND season 5 of Buffy, during which her mother dies and Buffy herself swan-dives to her death, right before Uncle Calvin’s death. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have been affected by Uncle Calvin’s death without these things in my head. Obviously I would have been affected by the death of a family member no matter what. But I had all of these heavy mortality issues and questions on my mind beforehand, and they kind of stuck, while I was working, while I was home alone.

As I’ve mentioned before, the healing power in my family tends to be laughter. I definitely had some good cries, and I know other family members did too, but we were also remembering all of the hilarious things he said, and the good times we had. For me, it was a gruff Uncle Calvin, telling me that he shot and ate the Easter Bunny, so there would be no Easter. Or that he shot Santa Claus, so there would be no Christmas. Or, when I asked why he was missing half of one pointer finger, that he got hungry and bit it off, with a snap of his teeth for effect.

The wake was on Thursday, and there were pictures of Uncle Calvin all over the front of the room, and flowers all over the place, and the funeral home was full of people who had loved him, or at least liked him a lot. I saw a lot of extended family. Indeed, one of my cousins kept saying, “I haven’t seen you in years!” and staring at me like I was an alien who might disappear at any moment.

The funeral was on Friday, and then a gathering at Aunt Bonnie’s sister’s house. A huge, gorgeous backyard for my nephews to run around in, a big spread of food, some beers, and more talks about how awesome Uncle Calvin was. A lot of laughter. Izaak gave Aunt Bonnie and her family a taste of his awesome “Talking Stomach” bit. Owen was just acting flat-out crazy. And Nicky and I gave Aunt Bonnie big hugs before we left.

The rest of the weekend was your typical Memorial Day stuff – picnics and running around with the kids and some fishing. Lots of deviled eggs. Delicious, delicious deviled eggs.

Ahem.

I’ll miss you, Uncle Calvin.

it's funny how quiet it gets

2010-05-23T14:41:00.000-04:00

I was going to write a long diatribe about my new roommate, who won't leave me alone, who won't let me have my much-needed quiet time, who follows me around like a talking puppy dog whenever I'm home.

And then I found out that my Uncle Calvin is dying and has been moved into a hospice room.

Suddenly an annoying roommate seems unbelievably unimportant.

weird, wild stuff

2010-05-11T20:25:00.000-04:00

I have had a strange time lately.

There was a huge factory fire in the town where my family lives – I drove in just in time for it last Friday. At first I thought I was seeing a very low-hanging cloud, and then a tornado, but then (some miles away) I started to smell the smoke.

A landmark building destroyed, supposedly the work of teenagers, though people have their conspiracy theories about insurance money and blah blah blah. Friday night, the entire town was a huge game of Telephone – the electricity is going to get turned off, the town is being evacuated, firefighters were inside when the building collapsed, there are dangerous tanks of nitrogen and oxygen and a whole floor of barrels of lacquer just waiting to explode, the air quality will be bad, and to top it all off, maybe a tornado could come! In reality, no one died, though a few firefighters were injured, and while explosions didn’t happen, apparently the air quality is kind of bad because of all of the asbestos knocked loose by the destruction of the building.

I used to drive by that building every day on my way to work just down the street. It was sad to see it on fire.

In the midst of all of the rescue vehicles racing up and down my sister’s street, my mom got a phone call that her brother Calvin was doing very poorly. He had a brain aneurism when I was in college, and he was diagnosed with cancer (I want to say stomach) a few years ago. He was cancer-free in January, but then they found it in his lungs and his spine, and now all of a sudden he’s confused and doesn’t know anyone… but apparently there’s no cancer in his brain. Weird and sad.

And then there’s Izaak’s leg – he started limping a few weeks ago and had to get an X-ray (I woke him up that morning by stroking his face with Floyd’s paws – and yes, Floyd lets me do these things). The X-ray was inconclusive, so Izaak had to come to Buffalo yesterday to see an orthopedic doctor. Now he has to get an MRI, but the doctor thought it was the cartilage in his knee. Does that mean surgery? Can you imagine being 10 years old and having to have surgery on your knee? Right in time for summer vacation, no less.

Well, I did get to have lunch with him and Nicky and Billy and my mom, and they stopped and visited Uncle Calvin in the hospital on their way home.

Oh, and I got to have a sleepover with Kailyne last weekend! It was so nice, not like sleeping with the boys – she didn’t kick me or headbutt me in her sleep or meld herself to my side so that I get all sweaty and can’t move. And she woke up in such a great mood, and just settled down on my arm and watched cartoons while I got some more sleep.

Has anyone else been exhausted all spring?

bystanders

2010-05-04T21:05:00.001-04:00

I have not been the keeper of the deep thought lately. There could be many reasons: trouble sleeping, tree pollen allergies, the fact that work has been getting busier. Spring fever. In my brain, I’ve been flitting from topic to topic like a butterfly. It’s all surface, lately.

And then I went to see “Kick-Ass” on Sunday afternoon. It was good, violent fun, but it had its poignant moments too, and its stirring moments. Like when the main character is standing over a man he has protected, bloody and tired, and the bad guy says (I’m paraphrasing here) “You don’t know this guy! You would die to protect him?” And the main character says something to the effect of, “I would rather die protecting him than stand back and watch.”

So, on my walk home, I was thinking about different things I’ve studied in different college classes – mostly in a really interesting class I took called “The Philosophy of Evil.” We studied the rape and murder of Kitty Genovese, in which she was attacked and stabbed to death over an excruciatingly long amount of time, and neighbors who heard everything just turned their backs on her, closed their curtains. No one helped her, and no one called the police while the attack was happening. When neighbors were asked why they hadn’t helped, the overwhelming response was, “I don’t know.”

And then there was this story from last week.

All of this was swirling around in my head while I walked home from the movie theater, and I admit that I had a few vigilante fantasies as well. But it was warm out, and the air smelled good, and I was hungry, so all of this “deep thinking” about crime and injustice and bystanders looking on and doing nothing lasted maybe five minutes.

AND THEN, while I was eating a delicious chicken finger sub, I started watching “An American Crime.” This is based on a court case in the 1960s that really brought child abuse into the public eye – instead of “It’s none of our business, it’s a private family matter and we shouldn’t interfere.” I’m not going to recount what happened here, but it was horrifying, and neighborhood children not only knew what was going on, they helped with the abuse. They told no one.

AND THEN (I know, right?) last night I’m reading a story in a magazine about a woman who filed a restraining order against her husband, only to have him violate it time and again, until he finally killed her daughter and tried to kill her. She sued the police department for failing to protect her. Here’s the story I read.

(Yes, I read O Magazine). And here’s the outcome.

The O story mentioned this case in some depth. In this matter, she called the police multiple times because her three daughters had been abducted by her estranged husband. against whom she had a restraining order, and she was told multiple times to call back later. She finally went to the police station, and while she was there, her estranged husband opened fire on the station and was killed by police officers. Her three daughters were found in the back of their father’s truck – he had murdered them.

And, well, you can see what the Supreme Court decided about the matter in that article above. Turns your stomach, doesn’t it?

The O Article brought up that police officers often aren’t trained to deal with domestic violence, the psychology of it, and that needs to change. The general public seems to have the same problem - I know that when I go to websites and read stories like this, a lot of commenters will say things like, “Why did she go back to him?” or “Why didn’t she leave sooner?” Even in a situation in which someone did everything that they’re supposed to do – get out of the abusive relationship, get a restraining order, let the police know when the restraining order is violated.

So I went from fairly shallow thoughts to all of this. And I’m wondering what I can do (short of going full-on vigilante) to change some of this.

P.S. Hit Girl was fucking awesome – she’s my computer background at work now.

frivolous

2010-04-30T19:34:00.001-04:00

Hey, everyone! Everyone! I can pull my hair back into a ponytail! A very short ponytail, to be sure, with several unintentional wisps around my face, but it is happening – my hair is getting long again!

I have a contingent of friends who tell Shon (not me – they tell SHON) that they want me to grow my hair out. And then, of course, Shon tells me. “This person said this, this person said that.” Well, every time I hear that, I am so tempted to run right out and chop all of my hair off again. I have resisted this rebellious impulse, however, and now I can get my hair out of my face. So I’ve got that going for me. And I am still daydreaming about braids and twists and buns. Pretty soon.

*~*~*~*

Yesterday I was so excited to learn that The Swell Season are coming to Buffalo this summer! I need to get me a ticket, maybe next week. I just love it when good concerts are so near my house. And that will be a good concert.

And it reminds me that I still have to get my music off of Shon’s computer. I have The Swell Season’s album, but I’ve been craving the Frames, and the Once soundtrack. And the Black Keys. And Girl in a Coma. Hmmm, maybe this weekend.

*~*~*~*

I am REALLY EXCITED about the Artists and Models party tomorrow night – Buffalo has such an awesome art scene. I’ve been on the fringes of it for years, in different areas and capacities, and I’ve barely scratched the surface. The Artists and Models party didn’t happen last year, and I missed it so.

Outfits. Art. Events. Drinks. I’m all over it.

*~*~*~*

Wow. What a frivolous little entry.

Things are heating up

2010-04-25T18:40:00.001-04:00

Things are heating up!

Well, OK, it's raining today, BUT awesome summer plans are solidifying. Artists and Models is coming up! Rufus Wainwright is going to be performing at Rockin’ at the Knox! Crowded House is going to be at Buffalo Rocks the Harbor! And then there’s the thought of all of the birthdays this summer (my mom is going to be turning 60 in August, holy crap!).

*~*~*~*

So. My car passed inspection last week, and then I enjoyed some vacation time with my family. The weather didn’t cooperate fully, so it was mostly a time for indoor activities. Like killing zombies.

OK, I am obsessed with Left 4 Dead. And Left 4 Dead 2. Sometimes I’ll be doing something totally unrelated to zombies, and the music for the Tank will pop into my head (and I actually do look around for a Tank, just in case the music popping into my head is portentous).

Or I’ll decide that I need to imitate the Witch sobbing, but I can’t do it as well as Owen does.

(When I searched for images of the Witch, I found more than one picture in which Zoey was kissing the Witch. That’s kind of funny, actually.)

The other day, I was heading toward a training class located in a cinderblock building, and I was suddenly thinking about the elevator shaft in the “No Mercy” campaign.

And then there's my crush on Nick from Left 4 Dead 2.

(His white suit wouldn't be so dirty if he weren't fighting zombies. He'd probably still have a 5-o'clock shadow all the time, though.)

*~*~*~*

I think I’m teething. If I remember correctly, I have one wisdom tooth that hasn’t emerged all the way, and I think it’s going for it now. There’s been a little bit of blood (nothing like the mouthfuls of blood I’d have in high school when the other three teeth came out – EW), a little bit of rawness in the gum. I thought I was a little long in the tooth for teething (you see what I did there?), but apparently wisdom teeth can pop out any old time.

Yeah, I need to visit the dentist. So that’s what’s going on with me.

Random snippets of dreams I've had

2010-04-11T21:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, I keep dream journals - here are some snippets for your pleasure:

"On the basement floor, there was a big window. Through it, we saw this huge robot. Antique furniture would come down a chute near the elevator, and the robot would put the furniture away into storage. I saw this huge, gorgeous old dresser come down the chute and hit the ground really hard. The whole frame of the thing jerked all around, and I thought it would break. But the robot picked it up and put it away. I said, 'That robot could be dangerous.'"

"A friend of mine was cashing winning lotto tickets, but it wasn't numbers, it was fruit. This girl won, but my friend didn't know the combination of fruit, so she gave the woman a bra and a pair of pants."

"I saw four crows pecking at a seagull, trying to kill it. I thought that the killer might be disguised as the seagull - I saw a flash of a young girl's face in profile, with black hair, all imprinted on the seagull. I started kicking the seagull, and it started running at my legs, attacking me."

"One guy had several babies with him, he told me to watch myself around them because they were dangerous. I picked one up - she had serpent eyes and long, blood-red vampire teeth. Suddenly she turned into a large dog, and she started attacking me. I kept back-handing her, kicking her, and she kept hiding. She started changing from a dog to a grown woman. I was still beating on her... Then the evil girl and I were friends, and when she was in dog form, I was teaching her to go for the throat and the eyes."

"She came along on roller blades, and I wouldn't let her by. She was yelling, 'DEFENSE! DEFENSE!'"

"I just missed him on the way down, so I jumped again, and while I was in the air, I was trying to figure out how to fight a cat who was taller than me sitting down. But when I landed, he was sitting in the back of a pick-up truck, going toward town, looking furious."

"A four-year-old in a big bunny suit was solemnly picking up haphazardly colored eggs off of the ground. There was no one else around, so I started pointing out where eggs were. They were tiny, like robin eggs."

"I accidentally kicked over our set of bleachers, and Buffy (who had been giggling and yelling, 'I'm the Slayer! I'm the Slayer!') decided that she needed to fix it. But I just kicked the bleachers off of the ground - no one fell off of the bleachers."

"I think I asked if he was leaving, and he asked what I would do about it. I was a She-Ra type, so I picked him up and slammed him against the nearest wall. He was surprised but pleased. Then we started mock-fighting, throwing each other around, and in the process we both managed to lose our clothing."

"Rebecca had the Sight, and she could see important symbols on some things. When she got to their apartment door, she saw a vision of herself, radiant with jewels and a crown. A voice said to me, 'When women like her see themselves like that, it always comes to be.'"

"Someone said I smelled like burnt food."

"Snape had been sleeping with all of the women in his massive apartment complex, and it was like he was enchanting them or drugging them - they weren't doing it of their own free will."

"I had been set up on a blind date, and me and my date were surprised to find that we were both women (neither of us lesbians). But we decided to go to dinner anyway - and for some reason I was paying. My 'date' was tall, big but not fat, really pretty with long, brown hair, a red satin dress. She looked really high-maintenance."

"The army people arrived, and I took the opportunity to sneak off to another building, where I broke into the vending machine and started eating brownies shaped like Spongebob Squarepants."

"We went into one room where all of these tough women were beating each other up - I guess they were 'bonding.' One especially tough woman kept eyeing me, and I wanted to beat her up, but I didn't know if it was kosher or not."

...Wow, I have a lot of dreams recorded. Perhaps I'll continue this at another time.

lots and lots of

2010-04-07T19:00:00.002-04:00

You know what I don’t understand? Chocolate in an orange shape. OK, I guess if it’s orange chocolate it makes sense and is kind of cute, even though I don’t like orange chocolate (but I guess everything isn’t about me, that’s what my sister keeps saying). Anyway, the particular chocolate I saw at work wasn’t orange-flavored. It had almonds in it. It was not in any way orange-related, so why the orange shape, with all of the pieces pressed to look like orange slices? I don’t get it.

It is a lovely, rainy day, and like all lovely, rainy days, it makes me want to be at home, reading and sipping tea. Hmm, maybe I should skip the gym later and do that instead… yeah, I think I convinced myself. Hey, I went to the gym last night, so don’t you judge me! My legs and hips are still kind of sore, which is odd because I worked on my arms mostly. Besides, I like my outfit, and I want to wear it until I change into pajamas before bed. Wow, I can make up a million excuses for not going to the gym.

I called to make an appointment for my car’s inspection. None of the Check Engine lights are on, and the car is running fine, so hopefully (omigod, fingers crossed) it won’t be anything too terrible. Well, I do have to get the muffler reattached to the undercarriage – it has been waving at people, coming unhinged for an embarrassingly long time. I kept thinking, oh, please make it until April! And so, of course, the muffler fell down and started dragging on the ground last weekend, when I was 5 miles away from my mom’s house. My brother came out and rigged the muffler up with a wire clothes hanger, and now my car is even more classy.

Now I’m going to worry slightly about all of the things that could be wrong with my car, from now until Wednesday morning. Maybe the worry will be alleviated by the fact that I have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off next week! The kids will be on Spring Break, and my sister took the 12th through the 20th off, so we are going to have some fun. Well, lots of fun. Lots and lots of fun. And maybe some hijinks involving blue wine coolers and hoppy beers and lots of zombie-killing and Trailer Park Boys.

blue wine coolers

2010-04-03T22:08:00.000-04:00

Ir was, like, 80 degrees out today. I don't think I'm exaggerating, but I am too lazy and fuzzy in the head to look it up on some sort of informational website. Besides, the point of me bringing up how warm it is is that I GOT A FRICKIN' SUNBURN, ALREADY. WEARING SPF 70.

SPF 70.

Every single year, I diligently apply sunscreen (various formulations, various SPFs) from early spring to late fall, and every year I end up with sunburn and then the most uneven tan ever. It starts already. Sigh.

Other than my frustration with the sun's effect on my skin, it has been a good weekend. I'm down with my family for our rather agnostic Easter, and today Nicky and mom and I did all of the shopping for our feast tomorrow. I was heading toward the beer aisle, and I found myself drawn not to my usual hoppy brews but to... Bartles & James wine coolers. Seriously. Blue ones. Blue Hawaiian, to be exact. And they certainly are refreshing.

It has been a great weekend, and tomorrow will be filled with ham and potatoes and corn and Watson's Chocolate. And the Trailer Park Boys.

Have I talked here about the Trailer Park Boys yet? I know that I've told several of my friends to check out this hilarious show. My sister Nicky introduced me to the show, which just started playing on DirecTV last summer, and I just bought all 7 season last week, so that's what I've been doing. Watching an awesome faux-reality show about three lovable criminals in a Canadian trailer park.

The inevitable health care post

2010-03-23T14:21:00.000-04:00

Like most people I know, I’ve been following the health care reform bill vote and its inevitable fallout. I am quite happy that the bill passed, though I’m sorry at certain pro-choice pieces that were cut out to make anti-choice people happy.

I am amazed at the downright hysteria that opponents of the bill are displaying (here’s an example from The Sexist, in which the author examines how this bill is compared to date rape by conservatives - no, really), so I made myself a little mental checklist to think through some things and see if the hysteria had any basis in reality:

Do I know anyone who plans on just sitting back and let other people’s taxes pay for their healthcare? No. No, I don’t. But I also don’t know any woman who says, “I’m gonna pop out more kids for the gubmint to pay for, so I can stay on welfare!” And yet, according to many, many right-wingers, these Welfare Queens do exist, along with their companions the Disability Defrauders and the Medicare Scammers. I want to make this clear – I have known many poor people. I come from poor people. I’ve been a poor person for a lot of my life. I live in an economically depressed area, and I always have. Shouldn’t I have encountered any of the above archetypes of super-entitled-but-not-deserving people at least ONCE in my life, if they actually existed in the numbers that Republicans seem to think that they do? Now, I’m not saying that people who abuse welfare or disability or any other government-subsidized program don’t exist. I’m saying that they’re not the giant menace to our way of life that they’re painted to be.

I firmly believe that the majority of people who can’t afford healthcare in the U.S. would pay for it if they could. Don’t bother telling me that most people who don’t have insurance now are trying to scam the U.S. and turn it into a Socialist paradise. I don’t believe you, and I never will.

I’m a lot more worried about waste on the government’s end – like the 80 letters and postcards I’ve gotten to remind me to send in my Census form. How much did all of these pieces of mail cost? And this government waste is not something Obama invented, let’s get that straight right now. I remember, during G.W.’s reign of terror, getting a ton of mail telling me about the Stimulus Refund. Which I didn’t even qualify for.

*~*~*~*

Do I think all small businesses are going to shut down now? No. Like most people, I have not read the bill in detail, but I’m fairly certain that businesses will be protected to an extent. I haven’t heard anything about employers having to provide the VERY BEST AND MOST COSTLY INSURANCE EVER to their employees. Yes, I do think that employers should help with insurance costs – I have never worked for a company, small or large, that didn’t. If a company, small or large, is well-run (and really, how many are?), paying out for health insurance for employees shouldn’t send them under. Especially if health insurance companies are forced to regulate their ridiculous prices – which is the point of this legislation, right?

*~*~*~*

Do I know people with pre-existing conditions who can’t get insurance/medication? Yes. I mentioned a few entries ago that my mother finally got disability, and that she’s shopping around for health insurance. Well, it turns out that she can’t get Healthy NY because she hasn’t worked for more than a year (because of her hips), and the private insurance that she can get is unaffordable (because of her hips). Can we say Catch-22?

Here’s another example – at my last job, I had a Healthy NY-style plan. I have sports-induced asthma. It hardly ever affects me, and I can’t remember the last time I had to refill my inhaler. When I got a letter from my insurance stating that they wouldn’t pay toward my asthma medication because of my “pre-existing condition,” I shrugged it off. But another coworker, who started a few months after me, had more serious asthma and needed daily medication. She also got the letter informing her that our company’s health insurance wouldn’t be paying toward asthma medication for six months, and it freaked her out.

I guess it could have been worse. I guess that they could have said that we couldn’t be on the plan at all because of our asthma. But do any of you out there have asthma? Do you know how expensive the medication is? Maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal if we were making good money, but we were working for a non-profit. And the middle class, the people that the right-wingers are so worried about? Having to pay for asthma medication (hell, any medication that needs to be taken regularly) without the help of an insurance plan is the kind of thing that bankrupts the middle class.

*~*~*~*

OK, the last thing, and then I’ll step off of my soapbox for now. I’ve heard this a lot from opponents of the health bill – “I understand that the healthcare system needs to be overhauled, but I don’t like the way it was shoved down our throats!” Dude. Step back and look at history. How did civil rights and integration come about? How did women get the right to vote? IT WAS SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROATS. Otherwise, most people would never change. Most companies would never treat their workers like human beings. It’s sad but true that a lot of good change needs to be forced change. And it’s sad but true that the U.S. has a long way to go to catch up with the rest of the First World.

But I’m happy when I think that we’re on our way.

Stick boys and Joy

2010-03-11T10:24:00.002-05:00

This morning I was walking to work, and I saw a boy swinging a stick. I say “boy” because he strikes me as an adolescent, but he could be older, I guess. I’ve never seen his face clearly.

I have seen him by the subway station this winter, picking up sticks and swinging them vigorously, in almost a violent manner. He wore one of those masks that snowmobilers sometimes wear, foamy and black, with eyeholes and a mouth hole cut out. I was a little wary of him until I realized that he was being more playful than violent.

I mentioned him at work this morning, and someone told me that he keeps his stockpile of sticks in the lot across from our building. He’ll take ten minutes to pick out the perfect stick from his collection, and then he’ll play in the snow with it. My coworker said that he couldn’t imagine what the boy would do now that the snow is melting, but I thought the boy was definitely having fun this morning, swinging his stick around over grass and mud.

I wonder what that boy is thinking. I wonder what he dreams about.

*~*~*~*

Yes, spring has sprung in Buffalo, and while we all know not to trust that it’s here to stay, we’re all delighted with the sun and the warmth. We’re all being super cheesy and raising our faces to the sun and smiling goofily. We’re all saying, “I almost called in to work because it’s so GORGEOUS outside!”

Of course, it’s supposed to rain on and off this weekend. I say “of course” because this weekend is Buffalo’s St. Patrick’s Day parade (and we sure do take our drinking seriously; we sure are “Irish.” Actually, I am Irish, a little). My friends Ami and Jon are having their usual brunch, and then we’ll watch the parade, while drinking. In the rain, apparently. But I am not discouraged, because my friend Julia is coming back to town for the weekend! And I am making cupcakes for the brunch! And we will party like we’re 100% Irish.

*~*~*~*

I have been especially giddy lately because my mom finally got disability! She got rejected the first time – I think everybody does – but then she went to see another doctor about her hips, and he must have written up a doozy of a report. Before my mom knew it, she was receiving checks and notices of her disability. Now she can look into getting insurance and getting her hips fixed! YAY!

The only downside is that we’re going to have to stop picking on mom when her hips are fixed, because she’ll actually be able to catch us and beat on us, instead of just waving her cane at us in a threatening manner.

Shamrock

2010-03-05T13:24:00.000-05:00

I am going to need a Shamrock Shake this year. Last year I spent quite a bit of time roaming around Buffalo, looking for a McDonald’s that had the Shamrock Shake – none of them had the shake. Most of them didn’t even have a functional shake machine. I managed to stop myself from throttling the clueless and perky teenage girl who chirped, “I know, they’re sooooooo good, right?” when I was disappointed on my fifth attempt to get a Shamrock Shake.

I had to make do with a few sips of my nephew Izaak’s shake. I’m glad he loves me, and glad that he shares. But this year I WILL HAVE MY OWN SHAKE. I’m working on some leads now. And I’m going down to visit my family this afternoon, so I will check some places along the way.

The weather is just perfect for a bit of a drive – sunny, a little windy, warm(ish). The weather has been perfect since Sunday, and I’m willing to put up with some slush if it means that I can go outside without a hat on. My scalp can breathe!

On Sunday some friends and I went downtown to check out the Powder Keg Festival… and I gotta say, we were a little disappointed. Obviously it wasn’t anyone’s fault that the pond hockey tournament was canceled (we had slush and rain all Saturday, and the “pond” was deemed unsafe), but we were kind of excited about the pancake breakfast at the Pearl Street Grill and Brewery – and they weren’t prepared! We got there an hour before the breakfast was supposed to end, and no one who worked there seemed to know what we should do. Everyone gave confusing answers, and then, after a few minutes of waiting, we were informed that they ran out of food. Seriously, Pearl Street? Seriously?

We checked out the ice maze, which was nice, except that they weren’t limiting how many people could go in at a time, so we basically followed a big line of people to the exit. Not exactly maze-like, in my book.

So we came back up to Allentown for brunch (they have a pretty tasty brunch at K Gallagher’s), then had some drinks at Just Vino and watched the Olympic hockey game.

A disappointment or not, Powder Keg did get me out of my room, which I started painting on Saturday. I thought I’d get the bulk of the work done on Saturday, but I underestimated both the size of my room and the amount of stuff I have (in my defense, I have an apartment’s worth of books, personal papers, knick-knacks, etc. in my room). I did get quite a lot done on Saturday, but it was good to take Sunday off. I finished most of the painting on Monday, and moved most of my stuff back into the room on Tuesday. Now it’s pretty much back in order, except for some papers that need to find a home. And while I kind of liked the fort of furniture I had going around my bed while I was painting, I’m happy that everything is back where it belongs.

I’ll post pictures eventually.