I've been jobless for a few months now. Paid jobless, which is a nice break for now, but jobless nonetheless. I'm currently taking care of some personal things and generally relaxing. I was extremely sick over the holidays, an illness that lingered, so the first few weeks of paid joblessness were actually very much needed. But now the relaxing is slightly morose and even a tiny bit hysterical around the edges.

For the first time in my short but thoughtful life, I am trying to think concretely about the future. I'm not used to it. I always say vague things like, "Someday I'll write a book," or "I'd like a house with a tower and a window seat." Vagueries actually seem to make me more inert than trying to ignore the future ever could. I have never had a plan, and I've never even thought of planning. I don't own a house, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't want to have children - what's to plan?

Still, this weekend I started thinking very hard about my financial state, about buying a house, about what kind of job I want to get RIGHT NOW, not "maybe someday." And it scares me, a bit, to think about these things, but it really needs to be done. Things are not going to just fall into my lap, and my daydreams don't mean a thing in the real world.

Everything in my daydreams involves writing. Writing in breezy summer rooms, writing on a laptop in coffeeshops, writing in journals and notebooks, writing while wearing the perfect knee-high brown boots, writing, writing, writing. Obviously it won't happen overnight. Obviously I need to work at it and stop thinking about someday. In the meantime, I need to take care of business and come up with a plan for my future.


A Fuss said…
Hey, I want a house with a window seat and a tower! Weird! Also, I think that you should talk with my friend Kate about how to get started in freelancing. You want I should set you up for a chat with her?

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