I don't know what it is about me that makes me this way - when confronted by things I don't want to or don't feel like dealing with, I just turn my back. Shut it down in my brain and avoid, avoid, avoid. I'm feeling that way now, about a lot of things. Not terribly adult of me, I know.

I think I'm getting better, though. Maybe I am.

My problem right now is toxicity - particularly toxic people. I am such a misanthrope anyway, but dealing with people who seem to want to make everyone around them feel like crap... well, I can't do it. I just want to hide in my bed for a month or so.

I really wish I were independently wealthy, so that I wouldn't have to deal with people that I don't want to deal with. I could stay inside and hibernate when I need to without worrying about losing my job, and I wouldn't have to worry about money, and maybe someone could do my grocery shopping for me, so that I wouldn't have to deal with that whole mess (I understand why Wegman's is popular, but omigod, people, get off of me!). And I wouldn't have to worry about car repair either, or surprise medical bills.

Basically, right now, I am indulging in a lot of escapist fantasies. And the fantasy of having enough money (not a lot of money, but enough) is getting me through, because having enough money would eliminate all of my problems and anxieties right now. Then I could get newer, more interesting problems.

Well, maybe someday I'll be adult enough to tackle all of my problems head-on, instead of escaping into an unlikely fantasy world. Maybe someday.



A Fuss said…
I sometimes feel the same way. Wouldn't it be awesome to curl up under the covers whenever you feel like it?

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