the things kids say

I posted a comment at my friend's blog the other day about how my older nephews have started almost obsessively asking me about funny things that they said or did when they were little. A toddler's randomness knows no bounds, and I have tried to document as many funny things as I can, like how Izaak used to call cobwebs "cwybwebs," and how Owen used to call four-wheelers "four-lillers." Oh, and he loved to "pop a lilly" on his toy "four-liller."  And the usual cutesies from all of the boys: "pasghetti" and "efalant" are my favorites.

Poor Malachai didn't bother talking until he was about 3, because Izaak would never shut up, but with him, I remember funny poses and faces. The time he threatened me with karate, resulting in my favorite picture of Chai Chai EVER.

Imma do my karate on you!
And, not too long ago, the time he stole my mom's glasses and did a pretty good Bubbles impersonation.

Izaak had a sort of funny-creepy incident that the family loves to bring up: he used to get up before my sister Nicky, and one time she heard him talking in the kitchen. When she came out of the bedroom, she found that Izaak had pulled a chair up to the kitchen counter and was reaching toward the block of knives, saying to himself, "No, Izaak! Bad Izaak! Bad!" Freaky, right? But also funny, especially since Nicky caught him in time, and no slicing was done.

Owen started playing video games pretty early, and as a family, we play a lot of Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2. (You may believe that these games are too violent for a young child, but I believe that it's training for the inevitable zombie apocalypse, and my family will TOTALLY outlast your family!) The games show stats of who had the most headshots, who helped their team the most, etc. Owen can't read yet, but he just decides that he did the best, so what we get from him - and mock often - is, "YES! I killed the most infected of the Tank!" Sometimes, "YES! I killed the most infected of the Witch!" But really, you should try to leave the witches alone.


Oh my GOD, I want to play Left 4 Dead now. This is why I don't have a gaming system in my house; I am an addict! Anyway...

One time Malachai said that old ladies weren't real.

One time Izaak tried some of my honey mustard sauce, and then later he asked if he could have more of my "funny monster" sauce.

And, one of my all-time favorites: The family was at McDonald's, when Izaak was maybe 2. I had gone to the bathroom, and was fixing my hair, fixing my makeup, really taking my time. Izaak turned to a very uptight-looking older woman who was sitting nearby, and he struck up a conversation with her. "Sarah go to the bafroom?" The uptight-looking woman answered something about how well Izaak was talking, and "Do you go to the bathroom? You're probably not old enough yet." So, of course, Izaak got right in the uptight woman's face and said, "SARAH TAKE A DUMP??"

The woman turned around and wouldn't talk to Izaak anymore. When I came out of the bathroom, Izaak was eating his fries, and Nicky and my mom were trying not to laugh out loud.

Which brings us to the present day: one of the things that Izaak would constantly do when he was really little was check up on me if I was in the bathroom. It didn't matter what I was doing, whether I was showering or brushing my teeth or brushing my hair or actually using the toilet. I would hear Izaak's fat toddler feet running outside the door, and then I'd hear him yell, "Sarah, you pooping? You pooping, Sarah? Can I poop? Sarah? Sarah, you pooping?"

Since revenge is a dish best served cold, I waited almost 9 years to start torturing Izaak this way. The last time I was at my mother's, Izaak was in the bathroom, which has a window overlooking the back yard. I went outside, and I went up to the window, and I shouted, "IZAAK, YOU POOPING? ARE YOU POOPING, IZAAK?" Kailyne and Lyra were in the backyard too, and they immediately started asking each other if they were pooping ("Sister, you pooping?"), asking my brother Mark if he was pooping, asking ROY! the dog if he was pooping. It was hilarious.

I have now created a monster out of Lyra. I get texts from my mom: "Lyra wants to know if you're pooping." And mom tells me stories like this: Lyra was sitting in mom's lap, watching a movie, and Mark was sleeping. Even though he was obviously not paying attention, Lyra kept whispering, "Daddy, you pooping?"

My work as an auntie is DONE.


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