Completely bizarre

Since I've been jobless (a week yesterday), I've actually forgotten that I ever had a job – so odd how quickly that happens. As I predicted, the anger and the feeling of unfairness are melting away, practically nonexistent right now. Unless something else pops up, I'm not going to be writing about my last job all that much. It already feels like some weird, ridiculous situation that happened a long time ago.

But I feel like I have to share my last day with the internet.

As you may recall, I was commanded to attend a lunch the day before my last day.

So the last day dawned, and I went to work and did a bunch of very small tasks, and then it was lunchtime. We drove and drove along Lake Erie. One restaurant didn't have enough outdoor seating, so we drove to another. And we were there for three hours. THREE HOURS. I feel like I need to emphasize that – on my last day, instead of doing my work, I had to sit with people who didn't want me working with them, for three hours. THREE HOURS. Actually, it was less unpleasant than I thought it would be. The food was good (I had a delicious ham club with fries), I didn't pay for it, and I got Chow Chocolates from the woman who was taking over the organization.

Then, finally, back to the office for my last hour of work. I got no filing done. When it was close to time to go, my boss, the woman who fired me, came into the office and said, “Don't you just walk out when you're done. You come and get me so I can say a proper goodbye!”

OK... in my last week of work, I had my octopus necklace fixed by my boss (she makes jewelry, so she brought her tools to fix my necklace, which needed a new connector between the chain and the pendant. When she couldn't fix it at work, she took it home and brought it back the next day). I got a painting and a photograph from my boss's office, because she didn't want them anymore. I got two huge sacks of all-natural kitty litter that she had left over from when her cat died. Imagine how weird my last week was, my boss suddenly so considerate, so eager to please me, so full of gifts and help all of a sudden.

Imagine how weird it was to clean everything up, turn off my computer the last time, and then have to go to a conference room so that your boss can say “a proper goodbye.” (The conference room is on the way out of the office. There was no escape.)

Then I put up with a few minutes of compliments from my boss and the woman taking over – I'm such a great worker, I have such an attention to detail, the best personality, the driest sense of humor, everybody liked me so much, I was a joy to have in the office.

Remember, everyone, I got fired. Rather, I was “let go,” because apparently New York State makes a serious distinction between the two. Here is a hint – one of them gives you unemployment benefits, and the other does not.

Anyway, after about as much of the compliment fuckery as I could take, I breezed the rest of the way out of the building and was done with that place. Well, I had to ask for the Fed ID number the next day, so that I could file my unemployment claim, and it was quickly given to me.

I have to say that my last day was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. But it was so unbelievably bizarre! I got presents! I got complimented up and down before I had to cut them off! When I told my mom and sister about it later that night, they were as perplexed as I was.

And now here I sit, at my favorite coffeehouse.

I spent a week at my mom's, helping her with all of the kids, having fun, having naps, sleeping in. We drove up on Tuesday to see Chris Isaak play at ArtPark for free – oh, he's so good, so beautiful, his voice is so luscious, and I'm in love, and he's old enough to be my dad. Both Ami and I were panting by the end, though Ami was much more obvious about it. Seriously, though, I defy you to see him in his mirrored suit, and hear that voice, and NOT fall in love.

I returned to Buffalo on Wednesday night, and I watched “Coraline” with Julia and Kelly. Good movie, rather disturbing and beautiful. I hear the book is better.

I've been so excited about all of the things I want to do that I seem to have developed a sort of situational ADD (for instance – this morning I was getting dressed, but I got distracted, and spent quite some time running around my room topless, until Alex came over and I had to put a shirt on. Sorry I wasn't wearing a bra, Alex).

I've been reading, and watching movies, and spending a ton of time on the internet. I've been thinking of paint colors for my room - at this moment, I'm leaning toward a deep plum, though of course I'll have to ask Shon if he minds. I've been thinking about what to do with my life, again, always, and I've been reading O Magazine, which doesn't bother me nearly as much now as it used to. I like Oprah a lot better when I don't have to watch her show or hear her voice.

And this morning, as I mentioned earlier, Alex came over. She gave me a copy of “The Alchemist” by Paolo Coehlo, and she says that it might help me during this “figuring out what I want” time of life.

Thanks, Alex!

Also, I just reread this, and wow, I use a lot of commas. And I love the word “fuckery.” Fuckery, fuckery, fuckery, fuckery, fuckery, fuckery, fuckery.

The end.


A Fuss said…
Don't worry I was busy staring at your Murderers and Executioners T-shirt -- not wondering what was under it.
Literary Auntie said…

Oh, and I forgot to mention - my boss told me that I could have anyone call her, and she'd give me a great reference. My boss who FIRED me!


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