calming the hell down

Yesterday I left my mom's house later than I intended to. I was due in Buffalo for the Decemberists concert at ArtPark last night. So imagine my vexation when a bridge that was supposed to be open was still closed, when everyone decided to drive like a maniac, or they decided to drive 10 miles under the speed limit. I was running late, I was hot and sweaty, I couldn't go more than 5 minutes without some motorist around me doing something crazy, and I was a tiny bit afraid/certain that my car would break down. I did not enter my house in the best of moods.

I came home after a long weekend away, and I found that Zelda had thrown up once in the hallway. One of my roommates had placed a full roll of paper towels right next to the spot. SO passive-aggressive. Seriously, is it completely unreasonable of me to be all, "I will clean up the cat mess when I am home"? I don't think that's unreasonable! In fact, I'm pretty sure that that's how most cat owners work. I WILL clean up the mess when I am actually home to do it, as I always do. I do not need any bitchy visual cues that roommates who DON'T EVER CLEAN ANYTHING don't like the fact that I am not home 24/7 to clean up after Zelda.  

Meanwhile, there are empty cans, bottles, and jars all over kitchen "to be recycled," but I'm pretty sure the recycling truck does not actually drive up to our kitchen for pick-up. Of course, we have no recycling bin because it was stolen. Of course, no one has gone through the steps to get a new bin. It's a lot easier to just leave your empties all over the kitchen. Of course, this extreme laziness is coming from people who think that I don't clean up enough. I'm the slob because my cat vommed once or twice while I wasn't home, even though I clean up after her as soon as I came home. WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT IS THIS?

This little rant has made me feel better. Still...

I recognize that I'm on the edge of a PMS meltdown, which turns me into a giant rage bomb anyway, but I need to be better about letting this dumb shit go. I feel like I'm backsliding to where I used to be, looking for any reason to be enraged at people (and there are always way too many reasons). Where this rage used to be a sort of fuel to me, I now find it incredibly draining. The fact is that some of my roommates are stupid, and some of my roommates are jerks, and some of my roommates are both, and it's not going to change. I like the house, I like the rent I pay, and I know that I can ignore the roommates if I truly need to.

For now, I'm just going to get the recycling bin and clean up the kitchen myself, because I know that it'll actually get done that way. I will continue cleaning up after my cats as I see fit, and I will not be bullied by a brand-new bitchy roommate into being super-neurotic about it. I will still be the only person who sweeps and vacuums and dusts. I can accept that, but I will do it when I feel like it, to make MY living space better, and screw the rest of them. And when the inevitable roommate bullshit happens again, I will just ignore, disengage, and try not to get so worked up about it. They're not worth my anger. My anger doesn't change anything. Waste of energy. 

I need to relearn how to calm the hell down.

(P.S. The Decemberists were awesome!)