ups and downs and ins and outs

I've had, so far, a startlingly unproductive week. My head has been buzzing with ideas that I've been too sleep-deprived to act on. I keep managing to forget about the magical power of naps, so instead I spend way too long in bed, trying to get a decent amount of sleep. I'm too unfocused to watch a full movie; I can barely get through an episode of a TV show, unless friends are around. And then I spend as much time talking and dissecting as I do watching.

In a nutshell, I forgot how to relax. And I forgot how to work. Or I keep trying to do both at the same time.

I walked upwards of 16 miles with my friend Kelly this weekend... I guess that was pretty relaxing. On Sunday evening, I was dragged out by Ami and Jon - Just Vino has an excellent Green-Dot Day, where they sell all of their open wines for half-price. Last night I had pizza and watched Dexter season 3 with Julia. Hmmm... all of these were pretty relaxed and relaxing times.

So I guess it's my alone time that steers me wrong.

I decided to work on my arms and stomach, and while doing crunches and push-ups aren't terribly restful, I do enjoy the feeling of slight soreness the next day. Of course, I was exercising so that I could get through a few episodes of the Chappelle Show without running downstairs or into my room every five minutes.

I do feel like one good night's sleep would fix all of this unfocused nonsense, but I'm not sure what the problem is. I have had this problem for a while, it seems to ebb and flow - I cannot stay asleep. I wake up so often, and it's hardly ever because I'm too warm or too cold or because I have to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I can fall asleep right away, sometimes I can't.

In the morning (read "morning" as whenever I get up), I tell myself that I'm going to shower, and then dive right back into the job search. Or write some fiction. Or clean out the back room. Or vacuum all the floors. Instead, I manage to waste time reading websites, or staring out windows. And I can't even waste time in a focused matter.

But I still get mighty mad when people waste my time for me. Today I had a job interview for insurance sales - the woman was very unclear on the phone when I asked what exactly I would be doing. So I got up bright and early this morning, drove all the way out to Williamsville, and sat in a room with a ton of other applicants. Oh, except that I never applied for this job, they called me. Anyway, several people were conducting the interviews, and the applicants would get called in, they would be out of sight for maybe a minute, and then they'd come back out and leave.

I found out why as soon as I was called in. Not only are the jobs insurance sales, they're door-to-door. UGH. Why couldn't they have asked me over the phone if I was interested and saved me the trip?

Anyway, the rest of the week is looking up. I'm having lunch tomorrow with a friend and former coworker, and we are totally going to gossip about other former coworkers, so that should be fun. On Friday I'm planning another coffeeshop day.

On Saturday I'm taking a civil service exam (what? I like tests!), and then I'm driving down south for Kailyne's 2nd birthday party. That should be a hoot, because I love the hell out of that girl. Sassy just like me.


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