Where you lose a bit of yourself

I wrote this yesterday, when I was in a TERRIBLE mood -

This morning I woke up from one of those dreams that completely colors your day. I dreamed about a girl I used to be friends with as a child, someone I haven’t thought of in years. In the dream, we were both very young again, prepubescent, and she was hanging out with / under the thrall of a much older man. He lived in a seedy apartment that was somehow attached to a bar, and I knew he was bad news. I was watching a movie with the girl, and the man came along, and she left with him. And then I saw her naked, being strapped down to a gurney, and I knew that the man had done something horrible, and she’d killed him. She was catatonic at the end.

So now I’m in a funk that I can’t seem to get out of.

Before that awful week-starting dream, I did have a good weekend. It was very cold in Buffalo – still is – but the sun was out. I was getting ready to meet a friend for coffee on Saturday, and I looked out my bedroom window and saw snow motes swirling around and sparkling in the sun. It was a pretty spectacular sight to behold.

I spent my Saturday night in a cleaning frenzy. We are talking serious cleaning, people. Going through the closet, pulling out things I don’t wear anymore, making a donation pile, throwing out clothes and shoes that I wouldn’t even give away because they’re so ratty. Going through papers and papers and papers, finding out that I have paystubs from my college tutoring days (how long do you need to keep paystubs? Oh, I just looked it up – 7 years). Making files and actually filing papers so that I can find them when I need them. All of this, along with all of the regular dusting and putting things back in their regular places. I hadn’t put laundry away since before Christmas! I get really frazzled when my room is a mess, and now I feel a lot better about hanging out in my room, which is something I like to do. I’m going to hang out there tonight, maybe do some reading.

Yesterday I did a Christmas gift exchange with my friend Ami (I still have one gift to give for Christmas 2009). She got me a sweet bottle of “Bitch” wine… that bottle’s a keeper. I’ll try the wine tonight. In my room.

Anyway, we also played Wii, Ami and Jon and I, and it was great fun. My right arm is aching a little, I think from the canoeing. The archery was awesome. And the table tennis. And the bowling.

Well, I tried to write myself out of the funk, but it’s still here. I’m very tired, maybe I just need some sleep… without the disturbing dreams, thank you very much.


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