the high road
I think I can safely say that things are out in the open with Pothead. As I may have mentioned before, he's been doing things specifically to piss me off lately - things like opening the shower curtain every time I close it, opening the kitchen garbage can every time I close it, etc., etc. I wasn't sure where this new surge of rampant immaturity was coming from, and I didn't really care. I just sighed and closed the shower curtain, sighed and moved his dirty dishes out of the sink so that I could use the sink, sighed and closed the garbage can...
Well, I did put a note on the garbage can, very polite, because the aroma of garbage is actually not appetizing at all.
I know, you are all, "You and your notes!" But believe me when I say that notes are better for me, in many ways - anytime I verbally bring up anything, Pothead immediately goes to Douchebag Level 2 or higher. One time, he seriously did go into his room and start yelling at me through the door, like a small, bratty child. I cannot stress enough how unbelievably ludicrous that was to witness, let alone be a part of. Pothead obviously can't handle hearing that he needs to unclog his own toilet messes (I'm never, ever going to get over this), or do his own dishes.
I don't seem to be the only recipient of this behavior. I've heard him do the same thing on the phone, several times. I don't want to hear him on the phone, but he really does just start yelling THAT loudly, seemingly out of nowhere, and I can hear it everywhere in the house. I have heard this, and I have experienced it for myself: trying to talk to Pothead calmly is a one-way ticket to a screaming argument. Or possibly the police being called.
My name is Sarah, and I am a passive-aggressive notewriter. Sue me.
Anyway, I put a friendly note on the garbage can. And Pothead wrote something on the note about hearing me call him a douchebag outside his room one day. Whoops! And yes, this is where I got immature (well, even more immature, at this stage), because why should Pothead keep all of the immaturity to himself? I wrote yet another note (hey, it's better than a punch in the face) that was all, "I'm sorry that you heard me call you a douchebag, but in my defense, I was probably dealing with one of the following situations:". And then I listed out quite a bit of the douchey behavior.
I'm assuming that this whole "douchebag" episode is what caused him to start trying to piss me off on purpose, instead of incidentally, through laziness and inconsiderate behavior. Because apparently Pothead's response to being called a "douchebag" is to... act even more douchey. Pothead Logic!
The thing is, I certainly am a bitch, and I have a hard time letting any sort of bullshit go. I'm not exactly proud of these things - they just are. I freely admit it. But, had I been nicer, Pothead would still be a belligerent prick. And I can't imagine anyone being so nice that they wouldn't be resentful of a roommate who is a constantly inconsiderate slob. I don't think I'd ever want to be that nice.
I acknowledge that writing my last missive wasn't the "high road" thing to do, and that I'm just inviting more bullshit from him. I acknowledge that I've gotten a little too into the spirit of 'YAY, ARGUING!" that the anonymous blog comments from last week (which I'm about 80% sure were written by Pothead) brought up. It almost feels nostalgic; I used to feel this way when I started fighting with my first roommate in grad school, all "Oh, why is she being so awful, and ooh, what's going to happen next!" It's very akin to reading a sibling's journal, knowing you shouldn't, feeling so excited at the same time.
The problem, of course, is that I don't have the energy for stupid feuds anymore. When I was in my early 20s, I was all, 'MA HONORRRR!" But now I'm 34, and I don't give a shit whether Pothead likes me or not, but I also see no value in "winning" any sort of argument with him. I've got my cool job, my nice car, friends that I adore, an awesome family. I don't need to "spice up my life" with this kind of pettiness. And it doesn't feel mentally healthy to want to continue an argument or feud.
So, it was fun for a bit, but I'm done. I tried ignoring Pothead before, but I didn't try hard enough. I'm certainly going to try harder, though it may be difficult, knowing that we live in the same house, which he hardly ever leaves. But I'm just going to live my life, and he can go on ahead and live his, hopefully ignoring me, like I asked. I've certainly got better things to focus on. I certainly hope that he does, too.
I left my nasty note, and I probably shouldn't have, but now it's all out in the open. And I'm done. I'm going for the high road.