the cure for what ails me

People are complaining about the large amount of rain in Western New York, but I can't say that I'm terribly upset. I feel run-down and messed up (more on this later), so I'm happy to have a decent reason to stay indoors.

Although I am upset that I didn't get to plant some bulbs I have over the weekend. And, after quite a nice outing on Saturday, I haven't been able to walk Floyd since then.

I love the contrast of bright green new leaves against dark, wet asphalt and a gray sky. Soon enough, I'll feel like I have to be outdoors every day, frolicking in the late afternoon sunshine or whatever, but for now, I am happy to stay indoors and look out every once in a while at the rain.

Run-down and messed up - over the winter, I started to get tension headaches a lot. Pain would begin at the top of my head, go down the sides of my neck and deep into my shoulders. I can come up with about 150 reasons for this relatively recent pain, but none of the reasons make total sense. For instance, even though caffeine doesn't affect me in a positive way, it can affect me in a negative way - say, if I don't drink it over the weekend. That can cause headaches, but I also get headaches on days when I drink coffee. And sleeping badly, or in some sort of contorted shape, can make me ache, but usually this affects my back, sometimes a knee or two. Also, I've sort of circled back to the idea of my glasses, which I got in November, pinching a nerve... except that that would cause me to get a headache every time I wear them. And I got a headache yesterday when I wasn't wearing them.

I've also noticed, when I lay down to sleep, that I have a hard time making my neck and upper back muscles relax. Even when I feel like I am completely relaxed, those muscles will be jittery with tension, and I don't get it. I have to relax them several times before I finally go to sleep. I don't feel tense in the brain; I don't feel anxious at all! But if someone were to base their assessment of my nervousness or anxiety on that group of muscles in my neck and shoulders, they might think I lived in a war zone.

So, I know that the logical thing would be to go to the doctor and be all, "WHAT'S UP?" But I think first I'll try a mix of being lazy and drinking more alcohol.


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