messed up dream

You want to hear about the messed-up dream I had yesterday morning? Well, I'm writing about it anyway:

I had sex with a gay guy. It was short, sad sex, and I'm not sure WHY or HOW, but it felt like I was doing him some sort of favor. It wasn't even some gay guy that I knew, just some random stranger.

And then I was pregnant. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I don't want to have children, and in the dream, it's not like I was having this kid and giving it to the random gay dude. He was nowhere to be found, and I was pregnant, and my hard little tummy freaked me out. I told my mom (and possibly everyone else) that I was pregnant, and mom got all excited. I also somehow thought that I had to quit my job and move in with my mom.

...Until halfway through the dream, when I remembered that abortions exist. So my mom was running around this room I was in, babbling about the baby, so excited, and I was suddenly all, "Wait, I haven't even decided that I want to keep it!" And then the rest of the dream was spent thinking about how I could afford an abortion. And then I woke up, freaked out, still thinking that I had to schedule an abortion ASAP. Imagine my relief when I woke up all the way and realized that I am not, and have never been, pregnant.

Now, I want to be very clear about this: Yes, I am firmly pro-choice, and I would not hesitate to get an abortion if I had to. I practice safe sex, and I haven't had sex in a very long time, so fingers crossed that I never need to get an abortion. But things happen. If I should ever find myself pregnant, or fear that I might get pregnant, I would run out and get Plan B as fast as possible. If Plan B didn't work, yes, I would get an abortion, and I wouldn't be ashamed of it. I don't want to have kids, but I don't think that that means that I should never, ever have sex, and no birth control method is completely foolproof. Unless I have my fallopian tubes removed, which is apparently gaining favor in the medical community. Or maybe I could only sleep with men who are sterile.

What I would NOT do,ever, is go around and tell everyone that I'm pregnant, unless I was sure that I wanted to keep the baby. I would especially avoid telling my mother. While I wouldn't be ashamed about having an abortion, I would be discreet about it. And while my mom is pretty cool, I wouldn't rub her face in any potential grandbabies that will never be. Because that's fucked.

And yes, I had this dream on Mother's Day. Messed up, right?


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