not cool enough

I’m trying not to take it personally that my office of five people (including me) has a clique that I’m not a part of. Three people in the office are constantly going to lunch together, or meeting up outside of work. I actually don’t want to hang out with these people, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I’m back in high school, being frozen out because I’m not cool enough. I’m pretty certain that not only am I cool enough, I’m actually cooler, so I don’t need any sort of encouragement on that front. But when I’m feeling slightly irrational, I think, “What about me?!?”

I had a dream that I’d been hired by a church to do some light office work, but I’d never done any work there. I’d been paid something like $64 a week, but I hadn’t had to go to the church and actually work, because there was no work. All of a sudden, the priest who’d hired me needed me to come into the church for the first time, and he told me that he couldn’t afford to pay me. When I mentioned, rather nicely, that I wasn’t in the habit of working without being paid for it, he said that I couldn’t quit, that no one could quit. But then later he looked at his notes about me and read that I would quit whenever I needed more money.

Gee, what could THAT dream mean?

Obviously I’m still having some problems at work… with work. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel a bit trapped. I’m struggling here in so many ways, but I need the money, however little it is. At other times, I feel how ridiculous it is to feel trapped over something as silly as money… but caring about money is only silly when you don’t need it. At other times (I have lots of times), I think, who am I to complain of unfairness and being overworked and underpaid when there are so many people who’ve lost their jobs?

But I think that the greatest part of my brain is the part that’s ranting and raging about this situation, which I’ve been in far too many times. It is the part determined to change something for the better.

Until something changes, I do still have my awesome family and friends to keep me sane, and for that, I’m grateful.

Also, I’m seeing Harry Potter tonight.


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